Parts of me question writing this, but I want to share because this is my reality. And above all, I want God to take control. I want His will and His hand in my life.
Right now in life, I am surrounded by fear, uncertainty, and no sense of control.
I’ve spoken a little bit about the fact I am getting ready to move. And in Friday’s post, which is already prepared, I go a little into detail about that. But today…today I am weak.
Two months passed before we finally got the okay to move forward. In fact, it was two days ago we were able to start the final paperwork and process. This includes being able to call the moving company. In most circumstances, this isn’t an issue.
But today, we had to give a 30-day notice. Due to the long wait, we weren’t able to get certain things scheduled ahead of time. We had to wait till we got the final okay.
Because of this, we couldn’t talk to TMO (the moving peeps) until yesterday. We don’t the knowledge of when TMO will be able to move us at that time. If we didn’t give the 30-day notice today, we would have had to pay extra fees, but because we don’t know if the movers will have an opening, there is the fear of what if.
What if the movers don’t come in time?
What was scary was the fact the lady we talked to, multiple times, said, “I really don’t want you guys to be homeless.”
I’m dealing with anger, frustration, fear, and panic. If only my husband’s request was not delayed as long as it was. I want to blame the person in charge, but it won’t matter. This issue is now on us.
Hands shaking. Tears falling. I am lifting my hands to God asking Him for assurance and His hand.
My stomach twists within me to the point it huts, and I feel sick.
I have no strength. I feel utterly exhausted and weak.
(NIV) 2 Corinthians 12:09, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
But even now, I will boast of God’s glory. He is at work right now! He is turning the wheels of His plan, a plan I don’t know. I have one piece of Him I can cling to, which is, “God has always gotten me through.”
God keeps His promises. God keeps His word.
Last year, I was stressed out, not knowing, how He would provide. Things happened. I was stressed and struggled. But God gives me pieces of rest. That’s what I have right now. Jesus is my piece of mind. God is my piece of stability. And the Holy Spirit is my piece of intervening for me, even when I can’t see Him, He is at work.
I want to share my fears and brokenness because THIS is the raw truth. We HAVE to go through hardship in life. THIS is when faith is made and used. Faith isn’t used in the easy times. It’s when we can’t see.
Therefore, I give this situation to God. And I pray this will be used as a testimony to His great unstoppable glory.
I am not alone.
And you aren’t either.
Now to let God teach me about Christian maturity. Be on the lookout, the post will be up soon.
(Can’t get enough posts? Check out my second blog Peeking Beneath)