I hate admitting the truth.
I hate being in a position in which I’ve encouraged others in.
But I know, God wants us to share these weaknesses with others.
So, here I am.
Here I am, struggling to trust God because to trust God is to put faith in action. (Which we MUST do as followers of Christ. To let go of our feeble control of worry and doubt.)
I feel like as Christians, when people open up, a lot of us don’t really know what to say. So we give common scriptures, we toss a good word or two at their feet, and we move forward cause it’s not us in the situation. Maybe we check on them, cause we should, or maybe we don’t.
I know the intentions are probably not like that, but there is a multitude of mind games within my heart. I also know, I probably am not the only one who feels like that. To which, God uses these moments of doubt, not knowing, and struggle to show me times when people struggled around me. How did I answer them then? How can I answer them now?
Just last week, in which, I wrote Friday’s post first praying over all parts of our home. I had a sense of peace and comfort. Only then a couple days later to be taunted by darkness of having no control.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I want to give these struggles and fears to God. And I’ll show you, the reader, my weakness right now, so that you may witness the Lord’s strength.
There have been so many moments with God in which He HAS answered me, sometimes swiftly, sometimes with time. But He totally answered. These are the moments, I try to illustrate to my brothers and sisters struggling with faith. So right now, I’m going to remind myself of what God has done for me when I was uncertain, and when I could not see.
1. When I was 13, there was Christian college I wanted to go to. But when I grew older and looked at colleges, I had prayed multiples times for God to show me if He wanted me to go to that college. He answered me and gave me complete certainty I was not to go.
2. I prayed all of my senior year of high school for one friend to meet in college. One friend who wouldn’t walk over me. One person who wouldn’t use my emotions against me. Who wouldn’t always get angry at me, and blame me because they struggled with their problems. The first night I was at college, a girl came up to me, and we started talking. She’s been my best friend since. He provided that for me, and I was to find out she was next door beside my dorm.
3. 2007 I applied to only one college because it was where I wanted to go. I gave it to God. I got accepted within two weeks of applying, being one of the first two students in my grade to being accepted.
4. 2012 I went through a depression, completely ashamed of myself. Failed most of my classes, couldn’t face my professors. Convinced most of them were ashamed of me, disappointed. Gave it to God, who opened my eyes to the understanding I was ashamed of myself. The next month, I started summer online courses. And I had a low-grade point average that needed to brought up. The night before my classes, I gave it to God. I told Him I would do my best. I passed all, except one class, with A’s, raising my GPA up to a decent status before fall semester.
4. End of 2012, I realized I had a to switch majors if I wanted to graduate college by May 2013. Constantly breathing in and out deeply all the way to the administration building. When I met with an advisor, she had no idea I was trembling and afraid just moments before I met her. Though I was so close to completing my psychology major, she understood why I wanted to change. She instantly accepted the change, and next door was the head lady in charge of Liberal Studies, my major I was switching to.
5. After I got married and moved to Little Rock, with my husband, I had a bad church experience when I was trying to find a new church family. Afterward, I was left feeling bitter. While God taught me how to work through with humility, I asked Him to provide a church for me. I was done trying. A few months later, there was a knock on my door. A new couple moved into an apartment down the hall from us, and they were starting up a Bible study of their own and were working on finding a building to start a church. God gave me a church family and Christian friends, which was what I had wanted.
6. 2014 November, we got news my husband had orders for Korea, for a year. He was supposed to go in June, but it got delayed till August 2015. And I feel we really needed the extra time together because we both struggled before he left. The last week before he went to the airport, I prayed every night in tears and giving my fear to Jesus. Asking God to make the year without my husband, a productive one, that I grow independent and stronger in Christ. The day we said goodbye at the airport, I felt God with me. I knew when I walked away from my husband, after our goodbyes, I wasn’t by myself. God would take care of me, and He did. I grew a lot because of the experience. Due to meeting Andrea and William, the couple down from our apartment, I had friends to be surrounded by, and the love of Christ to share. He provided.
7. 2016 summer, fear and stress of moving to a new area. Working with movers and the fear that my husband wouldn’t be available when they arrived. They arrived early, and I was by myself, sick, and stressed. It wasn’t an easy day, but our stuff got packed. And through the stress and tears, I felt the love of God with me. I felt His hand upon me. My husband’s flights got delayed a few times afterward, but he got home safe. We arrived in Florida in one piece. It took us six times of looking at houses/apartments, but we found a place that recently had an opening, which was exactly what we were looking for. God provided.
8. 2017 (ten months later) fear and stress of moving back, and starting over again. a lot of fear over lack of control in circumstances. Current fear of TMO not being able to pack up our stuff. Fear of occurring problems because of this singular fear.
I KNOW MY GOD WILL PROVIDE! He has gotten me through SO MUCH!
UPDATE: God came through for us – God Has Answered Us | Life Update
(Can’t get enough posts? Check out my second blog Peeking Beneath)