If you have been following, the past week has not been easy for me. I’ve been nervous about my husband decided to not reenlist in the military, and the changes we will experience because of that.
New plan. New place. New life.
Before we could get to that part, we needed TMO (our moving peeps) to call us. If they were not able to get our stuff by the 29th of June, my husband and I would have had to move our stuff, get a Uhaul, and both of us drive. What I had not shared in the past posts was my deep fear of driving and driving anxiety. (I talk about my anxiety in my other blog here)
Everything happened so fast. My husband finally got the last okay on Tuesday of last week to move forward getting out of the military. I went through the house praying and feeling peace from God. Wednesday he sent the papers for TMO. I was starting to feel confident.
But then… Thursday we went to our housing office, and we had to sign a 30 day notice otherwise pay more rent. We didn’t know if the movers would arrive on time. My stress, anxiety, and fear skyrocketed.
I fought against frustration and anger. Why did the base commander have to take two months to give us a simple okay? If we had gotten the okay sooner, none of this would have been a problem. We could have had the moving date set up. We would have no worries when signing the 30-day notice.
Why couldn’t the housing office, who claimed to work with the military, not give us any assurance if the movers didn’t arrive on time? “I really don’t want to see you two homeless.”
I felt isolated. Trapped. When I wrote the post last Thursday, I cried for about three hours.
I listened to worship music. Talked to God, and shared the experience with you, my reader.
Because I did have someone in my life who understood. I had at least one who did have authority and control, over the things I did not.
And I wanted to take the time to be honest about my feelings. I wasn’t full in faith or trust. I was struggling. I can’t tell you how many times people have looked at me and said, “You live in La La land. Everything is sunshine and rainbows with you.”
My life isn’t like that.
But my hope is in Christ.
So, in the despair and fear, I wanted to expose my rawness, my weakness. I wanted God to take control. What I hadn’t said in the post of me praying over the house is that I asked God to continue to teach me. “If You have to humble me, so be it.”
This wasn’t the first time I had asked Him. I KNEW this time what I was doing. Because the last time I asked God to use humility if He needed to, He most certainly used humility. And it taught me a lot. It was hard, and I was often upset, but I grew from it.
Two days from asking God to be my Teacher, was when I wrote about how God will use my brokenness.
This time, God used my fear to illustrate He still has me. Despite Thursday’s horrible fear, I felt a lot of love from God. The days afterward I never felt as much fear as I did Thursday. But I struggled.
I struggled each morning waking up and not having a call. Little spikes of dread and panic would jump within my chest and turn my stomach. My friends would ask how things were going, and I’d answer, “It’s a standstill.”
At the beginning of this week, I worked on praising God. I sat down on the floor, opened the Bible, and asked Jesus to speak to me. And…He did. After I asked Him to speak to me, in scripture, in music, whatever He wanted to use, things happened. People that particular day posted articles, memes, and even blog posts that were uplifting and encouraging. Words constantly revolved around me that said, “Trust God and have faith. We are in His hand. He is in control.”
The music I listened to, which was at random, all focused on this theme. The scripture I opened was Jesus telling men that they are free, and the second scripture I randomly opened the Bible to was Job saying that even if God answered him, he wouldn’t believe it.
Wednesday night, I tried to tell myself to give God the fear of driving. I reminded myself, God doesn’t want to hurt us. Would He want me to have better control over my fear? Yes. Would He put me in a scary position that would be too much for me? No. And above all, I told myself, “You have to understand, God’s time isn’t my time. Just because He hasn’t answered me, does NOT mean He won’t answer at all.”
That night, I lifted the blinds on the window so I could see a beautiful sunset outside. Tons of pink flooded the sky. As the night drew near, there was one flash of a firework that rose up, and I felt God’s assurance.
Even after this, I struggled later the same night. I told my husband my frustrations and fears. I felt dread still cling to me. In the darkness, with my arms over my face, I opened my hands, asking God to take the weight, the burden.
Ever since last Thursday, one thing God did provide every night, was easy sleep. I didn’t stay up with nervous thoughts, which I had previously done before. This isn’t a norm for me. It’s common for me to struggle to fall asleep, but for the past week, it has not been a problem at all.
And then yesterday, Thursday, June 8th, 2017, the first phone call came. My husband applied to my college I graduated from. He applied two weeks ago, and the phone call was to tell him, “You’ve been accepted.”
And then not less than five minutes afterward, the second phone call came.
TMO could move us in the time frame we requested.
It was so unusual to have those calls come within minutes of each other.
But nothing is impossible with my God.
Once we heard the news, my husband hugged me and I laughed in shock. Then the previous night breakdown floats back in my thoughts when I saw the firework, and tears were running down my face.
My voice broke as I begged God, “I just want You to intervene for me…please.”
And He did.
Throughout the struggle, doubt, and fear, my Lord did, indeed, intervene for me.
(AKJ) Job 9:16, “If I had called, and He had answered me; yet would I not believe that He had listened to my voice.”
Thank you, for your encouraging words and prayers everyone. This is the first footstep out into a journey He has planned for us, and I intend to continue to give Him the light and praise. Let His glory to be known throughout all the earth. ❤
(Can’t get enough posts? Check out my second blog Peeking Beneath)