“God, I’m Done. It’s Up To You.” | Ending Of Toxic Church

This is technically the last part of my toxic church experience , but it isn’t about a toxic church anymore.

In fact, despite what the title says, this is a GOOD story.

In the last post, I discovered I had grown bitter from my whole experience. So I worked on giving God my bitterness and learning to cling to humility.

It was definitely a humbling experience.

I had no friends and no church family.

I told God if I had to be humbled, to go through these experiences that weren’t easy, just to get close to Him. I’d do it.

…God keeps us at our word, remember that.


But something exciting and new happened. I started praying that God directs my footsteps.

“Lord, You provide the church because right now I don’t want to try again, it hurts too much.”

“Lord, help me be content, even if I don’t have any friends here. Help me help others.” 

Shortly before this time, I had started my first blog and man, can I tell you, I’ve learned quite a lot from that time in 2014 to now.

One of the posts I wrote had to do with a number of different types of friendships. It was through this post, a Facebook friend reached out to me. We knew each other barely before this time.

I remember too, right before she reached out, questioning if I would be able to help anyone with my writing. And then…she spoke up.

(Paraphrase) “I really related to what you wrote about, and wanted to ask you a question.”

That’s how it all started. She reached out because she felt a tug. And I’m so grateful she reached out because it isn’t something she usually does. But I do feel God was working not only in my life but hers.

We share a lot in common and have become friends because of this. Even though she didn’t live in Little Rock, I felt like I had personally found a friend to connect to.


She also is a Christian blogger, and it would mean the world to me if you checked out her blog, The Buttercup Lamb. She talks about gardening, cooking, life with her kids, and more.

The works of God’s hand does not stop there though. This was the beginning of God showing me He was listening to me.

I had gone to a military appreciation spouse event, in which you can showcase your craft, business, etc. I make handmade soap so I decided to get the courage to show off my work. Near the end of the night, there was a woman, my age who approached me. She immediately dived into soap and business questions, seeing if I knew my stuff.

I did. Which seemed to impress her.


And that was all she wrote…no, : ) but it was my first introduction to my friend Mana. She was a military wife, like me, and she made soap! She made cold process soap, which is different than the melt and pour method. But this only encouraged us to clue each other in on what we had learned from our craft, share our love of essential oil knowledge and proper usage, and above all else, our love of ranting.

Her husband came home one day while I was visiting, and joked to my husband about how Mana and I sat down and talked for a straight four hours. We always had something to say, something to do, something to explore. She was the one who encouraged me to prioritize my goals and what I wanted to do, which was writing. Three months after talking to her, I finished my first novel.

And lastly, but perhaps, the most important part of this whole experience.

God did give me a church. Literally. When I told Him, I wanted Him to provide cause I was done trying, He took me up on it.


One summer afternoon, there was a knock on my door. Andrea and her husband introduced themselves. They had just moved down the hall from us and they were going to do a Bible study later on Friday.

I was more than happy to go!

I became involved in their church, even before we had a building. It’s so nice and refreshing to say “we” because church essentially is family. Together. Community. Not separate. God truly spoke to my heart. He answered me in a way, I didn’t think He would.

I didn’t think He would be the One to help me find a church home, while in Little Rock, but He did. I didn’t think I would meet someone else who enjoyed making soap, but God provided.

I remember, finally in late summer 2014, I was looking out of the window thinking to myself, “Don’t you forget a thing. This too won’t all stay the same, so hold onto to what is good. Make memories. Be thankful.”


Mana and her husband, later in October of that year, moved to another place.

November 2014, my husband got orders to spend a year in Korea.

Throughout the hardships that followed in Little Rock, God had given me my church family and friends. Andrea’s friendship truly got me through the year, as well as her husband William. Later on, I became friends with George and Gema, also friends of theirs, and they moved to Little Rock to start up another church.

There are some friendships that just mesh well, and mine with these amazing God-fearing people was such. Gema and Andrea were the Christian friends I had so desperately been looking for when I first arrived in Little Rock, and God provided Christian friends for me. It just took time.

He used His time well and taught me a lot. I didn’t fully realize it then, but I truly enjoyed my time in Little Rock. God blessed me through hard times, through trusting Him, and showing me how to lean on Him in complete brokenness.


Moral of the Toxic Church Experience?

(NIV) 2 Corinthians 12:10, “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

God isn’t done with me.

And He certainly isn’t done with you.

Don’t give up when something rough happens. Whether from a church, a believer, or circumstances beyond your control.

Nothing is impossible for God.

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(Can’t get enough posts? Check out my second blog Peeking Beneath)

17 thoughts on ““God, I’m Done. It’s Up To You.” | Ending Of Toxic Church

  1. Got to admit the title had me concerned. God hears the prayers of the contrite and we can lay testimony to it. As noted He is aware of all things and still on the throne and this is the good news. The bad news is some aren’t listening.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately, some give up just when God begins to open the door. I’m glad God listened to me, and showed me He was listening. His love runs so deep, we only begin to touch the surface.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so good. We are going through a season at the minute where we are without a church and have few Christian friends. We are praying that God provides and your story proves that he will in his time. You have also encouraged me to keep writing. I would love to read your books. Where can I find them?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad to hear my experience has encouraged you. My husband and I will again be moving to a different place, and I feel more confident now from the past experience to be more firm, and to keep trying. But it took a lot of time, and yes, most certainly God provided for me in His timing. I’ll pray for you all too! Thank you so much for your encouraging words about my writing! Currently, I am working on my first book, however, I am planning on self publishing a devotional on Amazon. When that happens, I’ll definitely have a post available for anyone who is curious, and wants to support my work. Your words also encourage me to know this is what God wants for me. I just have to keep seeking Him out, and you do the same : )

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so grateful for everything God has done for me, the opportunities I had from meeting you, your friends, your family, and your church. : ) God is beyond amazing! So glad He planned our friendships before I even moved to Little Rock .


    1. My husband finished his enlistment last year, and we are back in our home state Ohio. I’ve written a couple of posts about the book, and the book series, I’m working on. No, I’m no where close to finishing the book yet, just finished Ch.2. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, I read one of your posts about the book series. I guess I don’t know what a book series is, because I thought it was made of books. LOL
        Ohio’s a little too far for me to come over and have you teach me how to make soap, which I’ve wanted to learn for a long time. Too bad. My oldest daughter is into essential oils and has shared some of her knowledge with my husband and me. But she lives too far away also.
        Blessings. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well, actually I can help you with the soap 😉 now, I make M&P melt and pour. I actually plan on writing a post about it on my second blog, Peeking Beneath. But I learned through the YouTube channel Soap Queen. She covers both the melt and pour and cold process. Melt and pour you cut into blocks, melt in microwave, or on stove and then fill molds. Cold process is when you have to wear gloves, work with lye, and there is a curing process. You can check her out here.

        This is M&P basics https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL05E2F1EF0838281A

        This is Cold Process basics https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAADF6209996265D2

        I understand the book confusion 🙂

        One thing I read that was really good advice is to take your writing seriously. I am working on my fourth novel related to the series, and this novel will be my first book of the book series. Which is why I’m calling my first book for the book series because that’s my goal, and I’m working on my confidence in saying that. 🙂 When it gets published then it will become my published book, which is pretty exciting, but I’m not to that stage yet.

        Liked by 1 person

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