Hey, everyone! So…this week’s midweek inspiration is also a life update.
I want to thank those of you who have been encouraging and kind with words. It is not easy when going through difficult problems in life. But, that doesn’t mean God has stopped loving us. That doesn’t mean His plan has been undone.
Nope. Not at all.
See, for those that have followed my journey, you know, it’s been rough for me, and my husband. Yesterday, we ventured three hours away from our parents’ homes to the location my husband will be attending college.
Yesterday, was a disaster.
In fact, I’m going to tell you about quite the humbling experience I struggled having. It was already the seventh or so place we were looking at. Being the college town it was, we finally discovered why the apartments we checked out had no main office. They were all rented by the same place. But they did have one opening.
What Do You Want Me To Give Up, God?
In a basement, where natural light dimly lit the dark like cell… ugly tile covered the floor. It was, “furnished” … well, a poor excuse of one. Like, five pieces of furniture for a two bedroom apartment counted as “furnished”. It would be a $150 charge for us to have the furnishing removed.
But, it was available. And I was near to tears thinking…“We don’t have the space for this small place. I hate it. I hate it! God, help me! I hate this place!”
I tried to visualize living in it, trying to make this place…a home. I couldn’t see it. Looking online, I found out this was one of the areas a sheriff had warned us about, “Stay away from the railroad tracks,” she said.
Failed that warning.
Thin walls. College students tended to be main tenants. It was known for loud parties. The lady, we later talked to, was very cold and numb.
I started praying in my heart, “Lord, if I have to give up my things. I have to live here…help me do it.” I didn’t want to, but I could feel the breaking point of the assurance I was trying to hold onto.
Trying To Prepare
Which had lasted much, much longer than when I stressed in Florida, I do feel my growth in Christ there. The night before we left, I kept thinking of Abraham. He told his son, “God would provide,” but he continued to follow exactly what he was supposed to do.
Prepare his son for sacrifice, and trust God.
And that’s what I told myself, “Prepare to find a place, and trust God.”
I even looked up at the night sky and counted the stars. Smiling, at the night’s sky, “I’m trying to listen to You. I’m trying to follow.”
But, a day later, with nothing really in sight, discouragement was entering my heart.
It’s hard to be patient when everything around you is falling.
Failed Hope, Rising Anger
I was hoping the first place we visited would have been the one. My husband and I could have gone through the steps, enjoy the rest of the day, and then leave for home early the next. But it wasn’t the case.
In fact, the more despair we experienced, the more it weighed heavy on him. He beat himself up because he felt like there were choices we could have taken sooner. Tempers were flailing. God reminded me when one spouse falls, another needs to rise up.
And it was hard. It was hard to hold my tongue. It was hard to be understanding and put myself in his shoes. I wasn’t perfect, I did slip up a couple of times, but it could have been much worse.
I could have torn into the man who only wanted the best for me.
I could have lashed out every single want and desire I selfishly felt he wasn’t providing for me. He can’t control the circumstance, neither one of us could.
God reminded me of that. I felt the warning of guilt before the words passed my lips. Honestly, I’m grateful because by the end of the night, even though we had no success, there was no bitterness.
Renewed Hope, New Day
In the morning, I felt the ambition to keep trying. Previously, we had been looking for places with a washer/dryer hookup. But, it appeared that might be something we would have to give up.
So, I asked God to help me be content with what I had. If we have to sell our washer and dryer, if we have to put it in storage, fine. God gave us time to use the blessing of having one. It is a thing, it will not make it through the fire. It doesn’t matter.
Other places, once not in our line of sight, were now places we called and asked about any openings.
After several hours passed, and what felt like might be another failed day, we were waiting in the parking lot of an apartment complex we tried the day before. They had closed early so we couldn’t talk to them previously. In the morning, my husband checked again, and they did have an opening.
But now, they were out to lunch.
“Dear God, hold my hand, and my impatience.”
Prepare For The Sacrifice
We waited an hour in the parking lot, and during that time, looked up other places. Two places we called had openings. One, we scheduled an appointment on Saturday for a walkthrough, though we would have to drive back. The other I kept in the back of my mind.
After we talked with the office lady about the apartment that would be available, later than sooner of our time frame, we checked out one last place.
It was the place I had kept in the back of my mind.
Not only did they have openings, but we could actually view rooms…today! And not a moment too soon! Not only were the apartments we viewed wouldn’t be available tomorrow, but there was someone else looking at the exact apartment we were! But the woman who worked with us was kind, friendly, and extremely helpful.
As soon as she opened the door, I saw myself living in the apartment with my husband. I saw us making a home. ❤ Praise God!
All in all, we have an application sent in right now, and hopefully, by tomorrow we will be able to move forward. It will be opened by the end of this month, or the beginning of August, completely within our timeframe.
No washer and dryer hookups, but spacious, natural light, even a little balcony, and a community pool!
It reminded me of the fact that sometimes we have to plow through with no particular goal in sight, just plain and simple direction. Our wants will not always happen on our timing, even if it would have been more convenient. God knows better. There were circumstances I probably don’t know about, but God did, in leading up to where we got.
When I was at my breaking point, God showed me to keep trusting Him, And He didn’t give us a place in which people take advantage of students!
God used my past experiences to prepare me for this moment. He will use what He teaches me in our new journey for the future. No matter where I go, He is planting me firm in His roots.
(NIV) James 5:10-11, “Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”
No matter where I go, through Christ, I will continue to blossom.
Just please, God, give me some sunshine through the rain. ❤
~T. R. Noble