Husbands Stepping Up & Wife Submissiveness (150th Post)

(For what it’s worth, I did talk to my husband about this before writing, and he supported me.) 

So, Fridays are the days I pick to discuss some thought-provoking pieces. The weekend is when friends gather together and talk about their week.

In real life, I love discussion. I like being able to sit down with people and discuss the truth, scripture, life, and everything in-between. That being said, I want to open up this discussion to you, the reader.

This topic is something that has been on my heart for years, actually.

Wife Submissiveness. 

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Women Struggle With The Scripture

Let’s be real, we know this is a prickly topic. It can be a convicting one, and it can be a heavy topic when directed at women.

One of the main reasons I think women struggle with the scripture about wife submissiveness is the fact that women feel picked on. They feel like the teaching is just shoved upon them, and they must accept it.

For the record, I believe personally in submissiveness of the wife, and I do believe in the man being the head of the household.

However, though I believe this way, I completely understand the heat women feel when this topic is brought up. When the topic is brought up, these are personal feelings I feel.

Agreement

Anger

Isolation

Misunderstanding 

Three out of the four do not mix together, and that’s because there’s more negativity brought upon women in this teaching. There is a not a full-on discussion. There are not a lot of pastors willing to speak about the OTHER scripture that makes all of this connection. I’m thankful my pastor taught the fullness of this topic.

Full Truth Of Wife Submissiveness

Wife submissiveness will ONLY truly happen when Christian men give their all TO THEIR WIFE! Nothing held back.

There needs to be an equal balance, and the teaching of submissiveness tends to focus on only one book of the Bible and one or two scriptures. But we are called to know and understand the whole picture.

A lot of Christian men struggle with the full truth of wife submissiveness. Men are told to put their wives AHEAD of themselves.

(NLT) Ephesians 5:25, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her.”

This is symbolic of what Christ did for us. He became the lowest of the low for His Bride.

(NLT) Philippians 2:07, “Instead, He gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.” 

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Men Hide Behind A Worldly Crutch

I feel like because I’m a Christian woman I’m almost not allowed to talk about this topic. I’m not allowed to talk about how Christian MEN should act because I’m a woman. But I also believe that if Christian men don’t step up, God will use the person the man was supposed to protect and be a leader to, the woman.

So, I’m going to speak up.

I believe the needs of wives need to be met by their husbands first. Christ took care of His people. He listened to them. He fed them. He healed them. He clothed them. And He even…wept… with them. He felt their pain, and He met them on an emotional level. A very sensitive place.

Which is almost believed to be taboo by a lot of men.

I’m tired of seeing a common theme Christian men tend to use as an excuse to hide behind. The basic paraphrase, “I’m a man. This is how I am. I’m tough, and not sensitive. You know how we men (boys) are.” etc.

I’m not saying every guy believes this or even talks this way. But sensitivity is definitely something men struggle with. I think Christians misunderstand how a man is suppose to be. You can be strong. You can be tough (thick skinned). But you can absolutely have (dare I say it) feelings!

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World’s Definition Does Not Define The Christian Man!

Do not mistake what the WORLD defines as WEAKNESS for what God determines as weakness.

I’m going to get a little sassy here, “Oh…wait.”

Have we forgotten about the scriptures say about weakness?

(NLT) 2 Corinthians 12:10, “That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Biblically and from the example, we see in Christ, men aren’t looked on as a bad leader if they have feelings or are open about what they struggle with. Paul, undoubtedly, was a strong shepherd. But he struggled with a lot, and he openly showed how he felt.

It’s a lie to believe you can’t feel. It’s a lie to believe you can’t be open with your thoughts and your feelings. Holding onto these lies are not being Christlike.

Men, if you struggle to talk to your wife and being open, please consider this question, how open are you with your feelings and emotional ties to God?

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Household Needs To Be Christ-like

I’m bringing this up not only for women to feel more understood, but because I want strong Christian men to rise up.

For CENTURIES, men have “acted” as the head of the household, but NOT the PILLAR Christ wants men to be for their wives and their kids! Let it be understood, being the head of the household, does not make you the head of a Christ-like household. Two entirely different things.

If the man isn’t acting as Christ did for His bride, why do we expect the woman to follow FIRST? Following this pattern goes all the way back to Adam and Eve.

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Adam Didn’t Step Up & Eve Didn’t Step Down

Eve was the first to be tempted and fall into sin. A consequence of her sin is that God tells her she now will be under the rule of man.

(NIV) Genesis 3:16, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Adam, unlike Eve, was not the first to be tempted. But he couldn’t face the truth that he also took of the fruit. Similarly, he couldn’t face his actions and feelings.

Adam didn’t step up and do what he was called to do. 

He was with his wife when she was tempted, and he didn’t do anything.

He never called out to God when he first saw what was happening.

He just stayed in the background, blaming his wife, and then blaming God for giving him Eve.

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A Better Way

We need a balance.

If women were to step down, then men need to rise up.

In being told to be the head of a Christian household, men are asked to do a lot.

He needs to be willing to open himself up in ways his wife needs him in physical, emotional, and spiritual ways.

He needs to be willing to think of her first, instead of what he wants.

He needs to sense and be aware of her feelings.

It should be evident to others that this is what the husbands do for his wife.

Men are asked to do quite a bit for their wives, and the same goes for wives to give submissiveness.

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Reality Of Wife Submissiveness

If a husband shuts out his wife in an area she needs to be lifted before him, then that same area is shut out by his own accord.

For wives to hold their tongue, follow direction and advice, open up about their problems, and to meet the rest of her husband’s needs, he has to step out first.

If the husband and wife can work together, then this will follow for their children. If rockiness exists in marriage, if lines are drawn, then kids will feel the same unsteadiness.

That’s how we reach a Christian household and a Christian marriage.

My Hope For This Post

I know this is a heavy topic, and if you don’t agree with all of what I said or parts, I will still think you’re an awesome reader. Like God, I believe in free will. 🙂 You choose what you want, I can’t change that.

I just hope this gives some clarity. That’s all.

And, just maybe, cause an awesome discussion.


Has this been a topic you talked about in your marriage?

Have you thought about this before? 

What do you feel makes a Christian household? 

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24 thoughts on “Husbands Stepping Up & Wife Submissiveness (150th Post)

  1. I agree with you so much on this topic! I am not married, obviously, but I have pondered that passage and haven’t thought it fair. I thank you for the clarity your post brings me! I have never wanted to get married in the first place, for reasons of my own, but if I ever do, I’ll try to keep all you said here in consideration. Very wise and insightful.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been fortunate to have gifted Bible teachers who have taught this concept clearly through the years. My husband and I agree, he has the harder job of loving me as unselfishly and perfectly as Christ loved the church. We are partners in all, and he does not rule our house with an iron fist, so to speak–but to my kids and I, my husband is our rock and foundation, a man of godly character who does not need to be demanding or pushy. He has simply earned my respect. We are partners in all, but a few times in our marriage, he has had to make major decisions with which I have not fully agreed. But I have been able to set my concerns aside, knowing that he always puts his family first, and that God in His wisdom designed families to run this way for a reason. That always gives me peace–eventually!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There definitely is a balance in a marriage and it’s awesome you and your husband have been able to find that in each other 🙂 I’m glad you had teachers who taught correctly!! I know so many who struggle. People are definitely not perfect. It’s awesome that we can grow in our marriages and through God 🙂 Thank you for sharing!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve had a few people tell me that, and my nerves definitely weighed on me. To which, I’m thankful for the response I’ve been getting, and I”m thankful God guided me through the topic. He definitely inspired me as I wrote. Thank you 🙂

        Like

  3. I’m so glad I waited for fresh eyes this morning to read this post. I love how you handled this heavy topic and weaved the relationship between wife and husband with the relationship between church and Christ! I agree that it’s all about modeling our relationships after the example Christ set and celebrating the roles God gave us. I view submission as being more about unity and less about control. Indeed, that’s a hard concept to wrap our human minds around isn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It definitely is. Control is erased in marriage when self will is shown. A husband chooses to have his wife above him, a wife chooses to submit. This is all about choice and how to help one another in marriage. Just like we can submit to Christ like we should. I’m glad you liked the post 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Personally i believe that this is a very interesting topic often misunderstood. Both christian men and women need to study and understand this. We live in a society where women have been pushed around for so long that when they hear the word “submissiveness” they automatically think it’s another word for “male dominance”.`But’s not how God planned it. You’re absolutely right when you say that Adam didn’t charge of the responsibility which he was given. My pastor also pointed out the same. Adam was right there when the snake was talking to Eve. He could’ve interrupt and taken his rightful place as the head and protected Eve, but he didn’t pay any attention.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right, people misunderstand and forget the importance of will when it comes to this topic. For a husband to step back so his wife feels secure to choose to step down. I’m glad you enjoyed the piece. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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