Where I am it is the last Friday of the year 2017. These next coming days keep reminding me of where I was at nearly a year ago. New Year’s midnight. I actually have a post coming out on Monday talking about this blog, and how it’s grown because growth was something I gave to God this past year. I wanted to write more. I wanted to reach more people.
There were things in my life on New Year’s day I didn’t know how they would turn out. When the moments arrived, yes, they were stressful, but I knew I had prayed over these issues. I knew the time I spent with God, asking and waiting for His help for these uncertainties. And He did provide, quite swiftly. It just didn’t always feel that way, but looking back He gave us answers as time drew near within a matter of weeks for each thing.
These were unpleasant. Moving back home to start again. Being worried about my uneasy feeling about the movers who packed our stuff. Trying to constantly repeat the same answer to multiple people when home because they didn’t understand the situation. Having no real answer to respond in the first place.
Trying to find a new apartment in an area close to my husband’s school. Searching for over 15 different places only to not find one place we could live in, and being let down because I set my hopes a little high thinking it would be the first place I wanted to stay at. Even after finding a place, tweaking the budget and struggling to understand how we would get through.
And then my birthday happened. I looked back and I felt the push to continue to give to God, and not let the negativity and fear try to rule over me.
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We received our boxes from the movers only to find out a lot of our furniture was completely busted, and other items, including, my husband’s expensive game systems were completely gone. The company offered us nothing at first, and later $20 for a coffee table that had its leg broken off. (Everyone has their opinions, we don’t have money to fight it, trust me, we’ve heard more than an earful on what we should do.)
I had frustration and anger because of this. I felt bad and guilty too because these are items. They were broken, missing, perhaps stolen, but they were items, not people, items won’t go through the fire.. I’m learning to let go of items, it’s hard because you don’t realize the attachment till things are gone.
Yes, our bed rods are missing so we can’t set up our bed and have been sleeping on our mattress for months. But I tell myself, “We have a mattress, a nice one.” I’m short anyway, my feet at least reach the ground currently.
It could be worse. It could be better. But this is the now currently, and I’ve been reflecting on that.
We’ve gotten this far, somehow, because of the grace and guidance of God. Things have fallen into our lap, especially when we have needed them to, and I believe He will provide.
I learned about meditation on prayer and scripture this past fall. I was working on daily sessions of prayer and reading scripture, which I need to get back to because God was speaking to me (assurance, encouragement, dreams), and I want to hear more of what He wants me to hear.
He’s helped me draw closer to Him during Christmas and pricking my spirit. He’s pushed me to love others, especially with communication, and trying to reach out the best way I can.
This year wasn’t easy, and I hope 2018 can be a little easier. I’d like to make some friends where I live, and even though I am an introvert I know God can provide for me through this because He’s done before. I no longer doubt.
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In all of the midst of the stress, I recall the times I felt His love. I remember the moments of peace He’s given me in silence and quiet. I remember the tears on the bathroom floor, at my desk, and at the kitchen table. I recall His hand with me on the bathroom floor, at my desk, and at the kitchen table.
Take time to reflect. Don’t just let the year wash into muddy waters. Be the flower that purifies the muddy waters because of the Holy Spirit living in you.
How was God with you this past year?