Fearing The Book Series | Sharing My Life/Update

At first, I thought I would just be sharing a life post but because of the fear that has set against me, it is in a way a life update as well.

I am in my fifth year of working with this series idea. At the end of 2012, God really helped me trust Him and showed me how He answers prayer. So at the beginning of 2013, I wanted to work on something I could give Him as my crown.

Related Post | I’ll Give Him A Crown Even If It Is Broken And Chipped

screen-shot-2018-01-17-at-4-04-16-pm.png

Ever since I was four, He gave me an imaginative game and story. The origins of the book series.

One of the main lessons of the book series, one of the first lessons God gave me, is to, “Never forget where you came from.” Alongside that there is always more we need to understand.

In 2013, I started crafting characters. I didn’t know much about them. Not yet. Not ever completing a novel before, let alone, reaching halfway through writing one, I knew I needed to work on writing itself.

So, in order to get to know the characters, I thought I would write a particular scene with each of the main characters.

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.06.10 PM.png

The first time I was ready to write the first character scene was in June 2013.

I was absolutely terrified.

I had never written anything like this before. In fact, since the age of 13, I only wrote poetry. I never imagined myself as a novelist. Which is why the desire to write a book series for God wasn’t exactly what I planned on, but that was what was planted in my heart.

I prayed before writing and I cried out to God.

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.07.14 PM.png

The scene was very simple, only three pages.

A girl who knew the answers to a test, yet saw a change in someone she admired deeply. She had the choice to either go along with what she was told or go against it. 

It was only when she turned against what someone wanted her to believe as truth, that my God character shows her what truth is.

The writing was coming from a part of my own spirit I didn’t think was existent.

Yet, here I was, with something staring back at me saying, “You did this. God showed you how.” 

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.09.49 PM.png

Two months later, in August, I started the first page of the next character. She had a disability, and her parents neglected her often, I didn’t even realize the pain I was writing onto this character, I wrote her pain out alongside hope and despair.

But by the second page, I knew this had a bigger story and a bigger secret than what was known.

If I wanted to write the crucial scene for the character, I needed to know the events before it took place.

I needed to write a novel. Something I didn’t think possible.

This what started the test novels. It took me over a year to write my first novel in 2014. The depth of darkness fighting against light, the lies fighting against hope, and the faith fighting against deceit. I was starting to learn the overall story.

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.11.16 PM.png

In November 2014, my husband got orders to spend a year in South Korea, the following summer. I would spend an entire year by myself living in a state where I hardly knew anyone.

God used the first novel to speak to me. A character became deceived because he didn’t really know the truth, and God reminded me that I did, I knew the truth. I knew God would be there for me. He would provide, just like He always has.

The months between receiving the orders and before my husband left, I completed writing my second novel in late June 2015.

A girl who feels confused and hurt no one accepts her, and her best friend always hurts her. The further she tries to find strength, the more she gets kicked down. By the time, peers reach out, she has trust and anger issues. But later, she learns of someone who has much bigger trust and anger issues. She learns someone has to stand up through pain. 

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.12.17 PM.png

This novel spoke to me because I had fear. I had pain. I was lonely. I had shut out a lot of my feelings before my husband left, and he too, we didn’t know how to cope or talk about what would soon happen. But during this God grew a friendship for me, and I became really good friends with Andrea and her husband. They are the ones pastoring in Little Rock.

When my husband left, I wanted the next year to be about growing with God no matter what.

Which happened.

The third novel, which dealt with my first character I wrote a scene for, I wanted to expand her story. I wanted to learn about her family, and see how these characters connected to the other novels.

As with the first scene, my character had to battle truth.

Between what she thought she knew, and what she wanted to hope in and believe, against the fear of being wrong. She learned faith pushed what seemed impossible.

Forget the character, just a bit, I learned a lot. This novel took me the longest, as life happened. I finished writing it in April of last year, 2017.

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.14.07 PM.png

The novels were beginning to piece together the overall framework of the entire series.

I started the first book, which mainly focuses on my first character and her story. I know her backstory. I lived it with her. But new challenges await.

I started to become afraid and doubt myself.  What is the right way to tell the overall story? Maybe, my approach is wrong. Maybe, people won’t like it. Maybe…it’s too different.

But I thought about what God has done.

During the time of the third novel, it was June 2016. Three years almost since I wrote the first scene.

June 2016 is an important time because it was when I wrote my first blog post on this blog. I wrote what God put on my heart because I knew while I write the series, I needed to praise God through writing, and reach other believers as well.

Related Post | God Answered So I Made A Blog

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.15.12 PM.png

Inside Cup is meant to share all the lessons that God teaches me, but it’s brought a lot more.

I look back now, and I didn’t think Inside Cup could come this far. I wanted to hope, but I doubted. Just like the first novel.

But I worked on continuing to write for God because I needed to. Standing through pain, and fear, like the second novel.

And now…as my eyes brim with tears, I see with truth the connection to the third novel. It’s easy to be afraid and to trust my own knowledge and thinking. It’s hard to trust in the unseen. To go further than what I think I know.

But that is exactly what I must do.

I need to trust the One I call, “Great One.” Because He makes things happen. If I am on the path I need to be on, then God will show me what to do.

He has inspired so many lessons, symbols, characters, and scenes already for the book series. I can’t doubt Him now.

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.16.54 PM.png

I can’t let my own doubt take away something that He gave me since I was four years old.

The testimony alone of this book series is huge. I can seriously point to God in every single direction. The blogging, this amazing community, all of you are part of this testimony.

I was accustomed to doubting myself. So many people made fun of me, as a kid, for being attached to this imaginative world. I was told by a professor, who never looked at my work, I would go nowhere as a writer.

God never treated me this way. He always gave me a reason, and I believe the series is part of my calling. It is something I’ve never understood before, but He has always known since before I was born.

The adventure I always imagined myself to be on as a child, never faded.

Related Post | Being Humbled To My Knees | Life Update

And I know He is on the adventure with me. He may plan the journey, but He walks every step with me.

Because.

Screen Shot 2018-01-17 at 4.17.51 PM.png

He’s my Teacher.

He’s the center.

He’s my everything.

He connects everything for me.

I will continue to walk forward in darkness because God Almighty provides His light.

Even in uncertainty. He’s there.

Even in uncertainty, He is still the Great One.


(NIV) Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

Related Post | God Is My Great One | Poem To God

Screen Shot 2017-08-22 at 9.45.40 PM

 

36 thoughts on “Fearing The Book Series | Sharing My Life/Update

  1. This is such an amazingly insightful and honest post, T.R. and I like it. Throughout the post, I like that as you wrote out each character and focused on the problems that your characters would have; God was also revealing to you some life lessons that He has shown you throughout the years. It’s amazing. In the blog post, I like when you said, “It’s easy to be afraid and to trust my own knowledge and thinking. It’s hard to trust in the unseen. To go further than what I think I know.

    But that is exactly what I must do.

    I need to trust the One I call, “Great One.” Because He makes things happen. If I am on the path I need to be on, then God will show me what to do.”

    I like that you said this and I agree with you. It is hard sometimes to trust in our own understanding and knowledge, and I agree, we should put our trust in the One who has all the answers. He does make things happen and if we are on the path that He has for us then God will show us what to do.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. I loved this! I know from personal experience how hard it is to write a novel for God. We just have to let Him form the characters from our own experiences.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I relate somewhat to your journey, but not to the novel part. That is not my gift. It is not my calling. But, I understand the rejection part, and the pain, and the writing, and God calling to write a book, a story, and how God leads in our lives, and what he teaches us, and how he gifts us individually to communicate with others, even without human approval, but with God’s approval. So, I relate. I identify with the struggle, the calling, the journey and the pain, but if God is in it, then it is worth it all.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. God’s Warrior already covered everything above there. All I can add is that you continue to trust in God as you continue on this writing journey. Cast the fears aside and concentrate on your writing.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Keep the faith dear. You know that with God all things are possible. Your scripture..Romans 8:28 is one of my most favorite…in fact that is what we put on my sons grave marker. How else can we go through life?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m so excited for you, T.R.
    God has so many great plans for your life and for your writing. You have a God-given gift that needs to be shared in order to bring the lost to Christ and to raise up sons and daughters.
    Praying for your writing ministry that it continues to bear much fruit.
    Love, Hayley 😊💕

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Fear not, for God is WITH you and he will continue to be with through your writing as well. Continue to trust him through it all and depend on him and his Holy Spirit to continue to write that novel in Jesus Mighty Name! It is done and your book shall be a blessing to both the just and the unjust! I love how its coming along already and I’ll DEFINITELY purchase it when its complete! Much love as always! Xxoo 😇🙏💯💕

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I’m so proud of who you are and how far you have come. From the military wife trying to figure out life miles away from her family and friends. From your first modest blog that you started with the hopes that you can reach out to people who may need to hear your words of faith. Look at you now! Your blog is a huge hit, your writing is maturing and your novels are coming along at such an amazing pace. I remember how hard you worked at trying to prioritize your writing and your scheduling and it has paid off! I know the path you took to get to where you are now hasn’t been easy and has been filled with its own trials but you always look to Him and found the way. You have been tested many times and I think it is safe to say you probably passed those tests. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Grace! This really reaches out to me. I don’t know why but these past few days have been heavy on me. I don’t know if it is spiritual warfare, hormones or what. It means a lot to me that you brought up how I look to God because I try to, and I want Him in everything. ❤

      Like

    1. 🙂 this post exactly is what I was thinking of, so you read already. Thank you so much for your encouragement. It really surprised me because it was a Christian college, but I also knew I was not to go there, and the experience was God’s way of letting my mom know the same thing. I hope the experience becomes a testimony ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t know. I mean, part of thought because I was interested into creative writing that since she was a journalism professor that’s partially why. Yeah, it didn’t make sense.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.