False Expectations, Drawing Close To Christ | Single Christian Girl

Note Added October 5th, 2021- It is important to understand the Gospel in order to know Jesus. I mention it is important that we draw close to Christ, but if you do not know Christ, you can’t do that. Please check out these posts: Why Did A Loving God Kill His Son | Does God Hate? & Gospel Challenge (30 Question Quiz) – Are You Ready To Defend Your Faith

I was twelve when I first started to desire a boyfriend. Up to that time I had crushed on a boy since 1st grade, but the idea of a relationship deeper than a friendship did not enter my mind till middle school. Truthfully, I had no idea what real commitment meant.

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Following last week’s post Deception, Lies, Pressure | Single Christian Girl there was a focus on the deception of romance, and things we may feel we are entitled to when we begin dating, and later what we perceive in a marriage.

For someone who is single, you have an advantage others do not have. I know it may sound odd, this world prides itself on being in a relationship with someone. But it is true.

Something I have to admit, when I dated early in life many times I definitely made my boyfriend more of a priority than God and letting go of choices that reflected godliness. There often was a struggle and confusion battling in my spirit. The desire of God mixed with my own desires as well.

I think youth is full of confusion, frustration, and desire. The desire to feel understood. The desire to feel wanted. The desire to be loved.

When we feel the Lord is silent, even when we are the ones who are distant to Him, we search for instant gratification.

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So very often, we try to fill the hole in our heart with companionship. 

But I promise you, the reason we will never feel whole by being with another person is simply that everyone is flawed.

Think about it.

Do you or I truly feel like we can completely cleanse and heal someone’s pain? We may help bring a little relief, but we do not have that power. How would a husband be able to do this for his wife and vice versa? We cannot do it for them.

It does not add up.

We put too much expectation on others and are displeased when we realize people fall short. We often times need a reality check. Like a donut that has a hole in it, the frosting will only cover the bareness, it does not change anything inwardly.

People cannot change a person’s spirit. No other human can heal us from the inside out. Only Jesus Christ can. 

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I’ve seen so many people assume and hope that being in a relationship will “fix” their problems and make them “happy.” 

Happiness is not lasting. Never will be.

But our joy comes from the Lord.

 (NIV) Job 8:21, “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.”

Following Jesus Christ and walking in His footsteps has equipped me and strengthened me in my marriage. I’ve been able to see what I’ve needed to work on. I’ve received His guidance and His hand against the things I struggle with. Many of these things took time, and some are still a work in progress. 

I’m not saying you will be the perfect spouse when you get married, but you may be spared from learning particular things because God has already walked those roads with you. Adding someone to the mix of our own chaos and struggles often times can tear us at the seams, especially when we have unrealistic expectations. 

What you should work on with Christ before dating because dating is with the intent to find someone you will marry. 

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Scriptures To Study Deeply With God

1 Corinthians Ch. 13 – The Love Chapter  (Reflect love in all forms)

Galatians 5:22-23 – Fruit of the Spirit (Reflect the fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, goodness, gentleness, patience, self-control, faithfulness, and kindness)

Ephesians 5:20-33 – What It Means For BOTH Husbands And Wives To Submit To Each Other (Understanding what marriage really means and preparing for it)

Understand that you are preparing yourself as a bride, or if a man, a groom. Drawing close to God, as He will always be the top headship, He will direct us to what it means to be Christlike. He will show us when others are reflective of Him or not.

People get so caught up in the feeling of being “happy” that they expect their whole relationship will be representative of that fleeting feeling. 

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Consider many reasons why people want a spouse. To not be alone. To have someone to talk to, and someone who listens. To have someone that loves them. To have someone that supports them. To have someone that cares about what they think. 

All of the above reasons relate to us only. People struggle to understand that commitment goes BOTH WAYS! (See scriptures about submitting for BOTH men and women). If we are not ready to handle the burdens of another, and if we are only fixated on how someone else can lessen our burdens, we are NOT ready for a relationship.  

The thing is…we can receive all of these things from God alone. 

He is always with us. – (NLT) Matthew 28:20, “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

We can talk to Him, He listens(ESV) Psalm 66:19-20, “But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me!”

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We are loved by God(NIV) John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

God will support us(NIV) Psalm 18:35-36, “You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.”

God cares about us- (NIV) 1 Peter 5:07, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Having an intimate and strong relationship with Jesus can help our relationship with others, not just romantically. Being close to God helps us invite Him to guide us to the person the Lord wants us to be with.

This is not to say God has not healed broken marriages or relationships because He can, He has, and He will.

But showing the Lord God that you choose Him above everyone else, will guide you to someone who also puts the Lord God above everyone else.

And being equally yoked is a foundation many marriages do not share. 

When you, daughter of God, are strong in Christ, He will help prepare you for “him.”

This post was inspired by a wonderful blogger friend of mine, Tammy. 

Has God spoken to you in this post? 

How has God led your heart on this topic? 

And Remember...Be The Salt Of The earthAnd The Light On The HillWe Are His Branches1

Monthly Scripture- (NIV) Psalms 62:01-02, 05, “Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.”

*** Community Prayer Request | August ’18 – Join Me In Praying For Each Other And If You Have A Request To Add Let Me Know. A New Prayer Request Post Comes Out Every Month And Is Updated As Requests And Updates Come In. 

Second Blog: Peeking Beneath

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48 thoughts on “False Expectations, Drawing Close To Christ | Single Christian Girl

  1. Reading this post really revived an overwhelming sense of gratitude to the Lord within me. I am so glad He has kept me single thus far because I know there is much more spiritual/personal growth to be had. Quite frankly, it is a relief to be single because it lessens the temptation to idolize a boyfriend/husband… at least, at the point I have come to by now. At this time, I am feel more free to focus on understanding Who God is, deepening my love for Him, and strengthening my trust in Him. This is a beautiful season!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen!!! That’s so beautiful!! This Monday I have a letter for the single Christian girl inspired by you and others asking to talk about the the topic more. I’m praying it is encouraging! Thanks for reading these posts!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The contrast with the donut is so very true. Only God can fill that void, not through the temporal love of man. Or lust what the world considers to be love. This really spoke to me as a single Christian. I love the part about dating someone you want to marry. That’s very true. I know God has to work on me so much and that’s why I choose to remain single and wait it out. My desire is to please Him with all my heart & soul and to become more like Him & for His will to be done in my life. So being in a relationship now isn’t gonna work for me. I want my focus to be COMPLETELY on Jesus. Thank you so much for writing on this topic! I look forward to more parts Hehe! 😉
    Stay blessed!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you enjoy the second post to this 🙂

      I’m really glad these parts spoke to you. It is so important! A lot of people desire a relationship but do not realize they will not be able to devote the same amount of time to Christ as they would if they were single. I’m glad you are aware of this 🙂 It keeps a wonderful perceptive in mind as you walk for Him and see where He leads you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah! Yes, so this is the second post to first one. Never mind haha! I covered quite a bit with the two posts so I’m not sure if I’ll add more to it. But that’s always something to consider 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m really glad this spoke to you and you were encouraged by it 🙂 of all the weeks you asked this was the week I wrote more about Christian Romance so maybe that’s what God prompted you to ask about the post(s).

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Definitely agree with that! I’m still quite young and grew up ‘sheltered’, and yet, I’ve been able to learn from my OWN experiences (not just other’s advice).

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “I know it may sound odd, this world prides itself on being in a relationship with someone.” – I agree with this. I didn’t really think much about marriage when I was a kid – or a teen. I’ve noticed that there are always certain questions I get asked as I get older (and now in my mid-twenties). One is “Do you have a boyfriend // husband yet?” As if time is running out. But this is one thing that no one should rush into. Most people are surprised to find out that I have never even been on a date. Because I was homeschooled and live in the middle of nowhere, there aren’t many boys around. XD

    “When we feel the Lord is silent, even when we are the ones who are distant to Him, we search for instant gratification.” – YES. Haha, except for me, it isn’t a boy. I have a tendency to throw myself fully into something, just not relationships. (Usually computer games **tries not to look at Candy Crush score** or novels, or Tv shows…)

    “But I promise you, the reason we will never feel whole by being with another person is simply that everyone is flawed.” – Yes!!! Not just this, but also, it is a Jesus-shaped hole we try to fill. No person is big enough to fill a hole that size.

    “Like a donut that has a hole in it, the frosting will only cover the bareness, it does not change anything inwardly.” – Love that imagery. ❤

    "And being equally yoked is a foundation many marriages do not share." – This is one reason I know I'm not ready for it. I still need so much work in everything else you mentioned above. It wouldn't be fair for me to marry now.

    Great post. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love your openness on being able to recognize if you know you are or are not ready for marriage. That is really HUGE!!! it is true if not a people we fill our life with, a hobby or something else can easily take that place. I am so glad you enjoyed this post. The donut imaginary was partially inspired by the picture ;).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 🙂 Aww, haha. ❤

        Yeah; and idolatry is such a serious thing, whatever it is.

        I really did enjoy this. 🙂 ❤

        Oooohhh. I thought the imagery inspired the photo choice. XD Neat how the photo partially inspired it. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Very well put. I myself cannot claim to have any experience but one writer on my blog talked about her experience with relationships and how it wasn’t until after she had come to terms with being single and become less fixated on her need for a relationship that she found someone right for her. I would suggest giving it a read as I’m sure I haven’t done it anywhere near justice here. As I said, I cannot claim to have experienced or understood the issue entirely but my co-author puts it very well.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This is so true. So many people have this hole beneath the surface, trying to fill it with meaningless junk and expecting others to fulfil their every need and erase their insecurities when there is only one thing that can fill that hole…God. Great post, well said 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. definitely need to know who you are first before you can put that into a relationship. and it’s so true that as youth we are all just wanting to find our identity in something and be understood for who we are!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Splendid post.
    This scripture came to mind just when I was almost done reading the post.
    “Trust the Lord completely, and don’t depend on your own knowledge. With every step you take, think about what he wants, and he will help you go the right way. Don’t trust in your own wisdom, but fear and respect the Lord and stay away from evil.”
    Proverbs 3:5‭-‬7 ERV
    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I do understand your time constraints. You can take your time. Thanks for considering to go through my post. God bless you TR. It’s always pleasure to read your blog post. God bless you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much for understanding 🙂 Especially from what I’ve seen, I think your blog overall, and your newer posts are very inviting and more personal. I think you are doing just fine, and are on the right path. I see how people are engaging in the comments, and I’m thankful to see it. God bless you!


      3. Oh wow. 😀 Thanks TR. Thanks for noticing the metamorphosis of my posts. Millions of thanks for your valuable appreciation and feedback. It is always a pleasure to receive compliments from you. I have great respect for you. I consider you as my mentor. Thanks for finding some time to go through my posts. God bless you Ma’am TR. 😊🙏♥️

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’m really glad my feedback has been helpful, but please do not consider me as a mentor 🙂 . I like trying to help new bloggers, and I’ve had another before ask if I can be their mentor, it’s just a lot of pressure. Honestly, at this point, you don’t need my help anymore 🙂 you are doing just fine.


      5. Thanks TR for giving me the passing grade. Thanks for being there in my initial struggle. I hope I will continue to do my best in the coming days. God bless you. I again admire your humble spirit. I have learnt a lot from you. 😊🙏♥️

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I’m so glad to hear that!!! It helps when we get the push to keep going, but especially as a blogger/writer we must keep going forward and trust His hand and His calling in our life. For a long time from summer 2016- to spring 2017 I only had 36 followers. I just kind of expected people to come to my blog and read my posts. I realize now it was selfish of me to think that way. I had to get to know the community with no other intentions of gain on my blog except to draw closer to them and encourage them on their posts. When it became less about me and my following, and more about God and reaching others, that’s when I saw growth. It’s hard not to desire feedback, and comments, but our calling in life is so much bigger than that. And I’ve seen how easy it is for bloggers, myself included, to put stats and following as an idol. God can use us in His mighty way, but we must stay focused on Him. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Amen. You are absolutely correct. I have experience this temptation. I have sort of forced people to read, like and comment on my blog. But now I have understood that I shouldn’t have to do it. The Lord will send the needy audience to the blog. My job is to be the stylus pen in his hands. I need to post some quality spiritual stuff on the blog. Rest I leave it to the Lord to do the needful. Thanks again TR. Again I learnt more from you today. God bless you TR. It’s always great to catch up with you. 🙏😊♥️

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Amen, God will provide and He will teach and guide us. Admitting what we struggle with as a blogger is key to continue to grow. I actually am so thankful you realize past mistakes because not everyone does. God bless you!

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Thanks TR. It is my endeavour to overcome all my weaknesses. I want to rise above everything that would weigh me down. Thanks for your valuable encouragement. You are a blessing.

        Liked by 2 people

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