I was twelve when I first started to desire a boyfriend. Up to that time I had crushed on a boy since 1st grade, but the idea of a relationship deeper than a friendship did not enter my mind till middle school. Truthfully, I had no idea what real commitment meant.
Following last week’s post Deception, Lies, Pressure | Single Christian Girl there was a focus on the deception of romance, and things we may feel we are entitled to when we begin dating, and later what we perceive in a marriage.
For someone who is single, you have an advantage others do not have. I know it may sound odd, this world prides itself on being in a relationship with someone. But it is true.
Something I have to admit, when I dated early in life many times I definitely made my boyfriend more of a priority than God and letting go of choices that reflected godliness. There often was a struggle and confusion battling in my spirit. The desire of God mixed with my own desires as well.
I think youth is full of confusion, frustration, and desire. The desire to feel understood. The desire to feel wanted. The desire to be loved.
When we feel the Lord is silent, even when we are the ones who are distant to Him, we search for instant gratification.
So very often, we try to fill the hole in our heart with companionship.
But I promise you, the reason we will never feel whole by being with another person is simply that everyone is flawed.
Think about it.
Do you or I truly feel like we can completely cleanse and heal someone’s pain? We may help bring a little relief, but we do not have that power. How would a husband be able to do this for his wife and vice versa? We cannot do it for them.
It does not add up.
We put too much expectation on others and are displeased when we realize people fall short. We often times need a reality check. Like a donut that has a hole in it, the frosting will only cover the bareness, it does not change anything inwardly.
People cannot change a person’s spirit. No other human can heal us from the inside out. Only Jesus Christ can.
I’ve seen so many people assume and hope that being in a relationship will “fix” their problems and make them “happy.”
Happiness is not lasting. Never will be.
But our joy comes from the Lord.
(NIV) Job 8:21, “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.”
Following Jesus Christ and walking in His footsteps has equipped me and strengthened me in my marriage. I’ve been able to see what I’ve needed to work on. I’ve received His guidance and His hand against the things I struggle with. Many of these things took time, and some are still a work in progress.
I’m not saying you will be the perfect spouse when you get married, but you may be spared from learning particular things because God has already walked those roads with you. Adding someone to the mix of our own chaos and struggles often times can tear us at the seams, especially when we have unrealistic expectations.
What you should work on with Christ before dating because dating is with the intent to find someone you will marry.
Scriptures To Study Deeply With God
1 Corinthians Ch. 13 – The Love Chapter (Reflect love in all forms)
Galatians 5:22-23 – Fruit of the Spirit (Reflect the fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, goodness, gentleness, patience, self-control, faithfulness, and kindness)
Ephesians 5:20-33 – What It Means For BOTH Husbands And Wives To Submit To Each Other (Understanding what marriage really means and preparing for it)
Understand that you are preparing yourself as a bride, or if a man, a groom. Drawing close to God, as He will always be the top headship, He will direct us to what it means to be Christlike. He will show us when others are reflective of Him or not.
People get so caught up in the feeling of being “happy” that they expect their whole relationship will be representative of that fleeting feeling.
Consider many reasons why people want a spouse. To not be alone. To have someone to talk to, and someone who listens. To have someone that loves them. To have someone that supports them. To have someone that cares about what they think.
All of the above reasons relate to us only. People struggle to understand that commitment goes BOTH WAYS! (See scriptures about submitting for BOTH men and women). If we are not ready to handle the burdens of another, and if we are only fixated on how someone else can lessen our burdens, we are NOT ready for a relationship.
The thing is…we can receive all of these things from God alone.
He is always with us. – (NLT) Matthew 28:20, “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
We can talk to Him, He listens – (ESV) Psalm 66:19-20, “But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me!”
We are loved by God– (NIV) John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
God will support us– (NIV) Psalm 18:35-36, “You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.”
God cares about us- (NIV) 1 Peter 5:07, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Having an intimate and strong relationship with Jesus can help our relationship with others, not just romantically. Being close to God helps us invite Him to guide us to the person the Lord wants us to be with.
This is not to say God has not healed broken marriages or relationships because He can, He has, and He will.
But showing the Lord God that you choose Him above everyone else, will guide you to someone who also puts the Lord God above everyone else.
And being equally yoked is a foundation many marriages do not share.
When you, daughter of God, are strong in Christ, He will help prepare you for “him.”
This post was inspired by a wonderful blogger friend of mine, Tammy.
Has God spoken to you in this post?
How has God led your heart on this topic?
Monthly Scripture- (NIV) Psalms 62:01-02, 05, “Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.”
*** Community Prayer Request | August ’18 – Join Me In Praying For Each Other And If You Have A Request To Add Let Me Know. A New Prayer Request Post Comes Out Every Month And Is Updated As Requests And Updates Come In.
Second Blog: Peeking Beneath