I’m Too Passive For My Own Good

When people stumble me I care too much most of the time to be open and express my feelings. This was an issue I had when I was a young teen that carried all the way through college. I am slowly trying to be more vocal and honest.

Honesty is not an attack.

Expressing your feelings and how something affects you is not wrong. However, the words we use and how we speak can be.

Being a Christian does not mean you are to be passive. It does not mean I am to be passive. We are to be humble. We are to be forgiving. But how are people going to know what we are struggling with if we are not honest?

We are encouraged in scripture to be open. If we have an issue, we need to go to that person and speak. Not with anger. Not with slander.

This is why I work on saying “I feel” and “I think” trying to avoid “YOU” statements all the time only accuses people. I am by far perfect expressing myself with wording or being vocal at all.

There is always the chance people will misunderstand. There is always a possibility people will be mad. We also will not perfect and will struggle to be clear in expressing ourselves. We may be tempted with our emotions to lash out.

(NIV) Galatians 6:01, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

But that does not mean we should run from the issue. It does not mean we should not be honest with others. Even if it is hard. Trying to be honest about our feelings should be an opportunity for us to grow with one another. It should be a way we can practice our listening and communicating skills.

I know I’m not perfect. I fear my honesty may stumble others. But I also know when I’ve been stumbled. I hate confrontation. But I know I need to work on it.

How will any of us grow otherwise?

(CEV) Matthew 18:15, “If one of my followers sins against you, go and point out what was wrong. But do it in private, just between the two of you.”


Do you struggle with confrontation? 

How do you open up about what bothers you?

And Remember...Be The Salt Of The earthAnd The Light On The HillWe Are His Branches1Monthly Scripture – (NIV) Galatians 6:17, “From now on, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.”

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25 thoughts on “I’m Too Passive For My Own Good

  1. YES. This is definitely me and like you, I have been on this journey of becoming more vocal (in a kind and gentle way) and while I still struggle with it, I am sooooo much better. Thankfully I have a husband that doesn’t struggle with it at all, so we use each other to balance. We both needed that push to be more vocal or for him, push to be more silent 😉 To help me, honestly, I begin my side of the conversation by opening up that it is a struggle and it is because I care so much about them. It has helped both sides to communicate better.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Absolutely! Opening up is one of the hardest things for me, in person. Writing it out is a lot easier. But by and by God has helped me be more vocal. I still struggle opening up when people have stumbled me but in many cases I know I need to. Work in progress 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I hate confrontation, but God has been teaching me from those same scriptures that you shared. When done right, it can win you a closer and deeper relationship with your brother, sister, or friend. The struggle comes the most for me with people who have shown themselves not to have listening ears nor a humble, teachable heart. I have to seek God, because some of them I’ve already confronted unsuccessfully, and Scripture says that when they will not listen to you, you are to go with a couple of witnesses. And some of them end up being the wolves in sheep’s clothing that we end up needing to stay away from so they don’t devour us.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Agreed!!! When they do not listen we must go to others. There have been times in which, I agree, growth was made! It is so special, those moments. Others in which people have hardened hearts or at the very least stubbornness and refusal to recognize any wrong. I hope to be the light in these situations.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Good for you. This comes more naturally to some people. I’m always amazed by how open and honest some people are and guess what? No one gets mad at them! So just practice saying things in a calm voice and without fear. Because it’s really fear of them being mad at us that keeps us from saying what we need to say. I’m still learning myself. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I guess, on my end, many times when I have been open people have gotten upset with me. But that is also because I think people struggle to hear when their actions have been hurtful. It goes from me being open to I have said something that displeased them. But like myself I know a lot of sensitive people and I think the more sensitive we are, myself included, the harder it is sometimes to hear rebuke, criticism, or be told we are in the wrong. I’m working on praying for listening ears and being slow to speak. 🙂 thanks for your encouragement!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You’re right , of course, people don’t like the truth when it makes them face themselves. I’m sorry that you’re put in that position. Sometimes I have to do that and I always hate it , but I feel better knowing I spoke up for myself. We can’t continue to enable abusive behavior or words. ❤️ if they will not hear and admit the truth , we must try to distance ourselves from them.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I am naturally not the passive type. To be honest nothing irritates me as someone who is never for or against something. My dad always told us that silence is an answer too. So I am find it very easy to speak up. I also don’t like beating around the bush either. What I am working on is how to speak with kindness. My direct approach sometimes touch people on a rough edge even when I never mean to. So yeah I have been learning to season my response with salt but staying true to the truth. We are the salt of the earth.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Amen!!! Truth is important but bluntness can definitely take away our gentle and kind intention. I think sensitivity does a lot. Some of us are more sensitive than others and how we speak can determine whether or not people hear us or only hear “accusation”. I’m glad you are working to speak with an awareness. Some people do not do this or care how others internalize words and it is important we are aware and care 🙂

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  5. There’s a saying I’ve acquired not too long ago. We all need to speak with truth and grace but speaking with too much truth is harsh and too much grace is enabling. Finding the right balance and remembering to be gentle is so important. If it comes from a place of love I think you will be understood

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love that saying!!! Sometimes even coming from a place of love is hard to hear. Especially in cases where people do not want to admit the truth, I think that is the real internal struggle. There have been cases where Christ in kindness had to allow me to experience pain to let go of people I was trying to help. It was exhausting and a battle my heart could not take anymore. Sometimes it is ok to shake the dust off so our Pearl’s are not trampled. But I agree with you 🙂 too love goes so far and says a lot to people. It really does.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I am naturally an introvert. I hate confrontation. I don’t enjoy people being upset with me. I cry easily. I bleed. I identify much with Jeremiah, who was the weeping prophet. He didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. He didn’t want to have to say those things to the people, because he knew they would reject him and hate him and mock him in return. And, they did. But, the Lord prepared him for that. When he called him he told him that he was not to be afraid of the people or God would terrify him before them.

    I get that. I have been terrified before them because I bowed to fear of what people think of me rather than walking in the fear of the Lord. But, I learned. And, I am still learning, too. What God gives me to write each day does not lend itself for me to get voted most popular. And, I don’t say what I say or the way I say it because it is my personality. It isn’t. Me in my flesh would rather fade into the background. I prefer the corner of a room full of people where I can find one lone person with whom to converse. I don’t want the attention of others. Never have.

    But, God’s love compels me. What he told Jeremiah (chapter 1) he told me also. God sent him to say to the people what God wanted him to say and he was not to be afraid of the people for God was with him and he would deliver him. And, so it is with me, and should be with all of us. We should just say what God is giving us to say the way in which he is giving us to say it, and then we should leave the results to him, and we should not fear what others think of us or if we have followers who unfollow us, for many of Jesus’ followers “unfollowed” him, too, because they said his words were too “hard.”

    Jesus told his disciples that they would be brought before the courts due to their testimony for him, but when they were, they were not to be afraid, but they were to speak the words God gave them to speak, because it would be Jesus/God speaking through them. And, that is how it should be with us, too. We should trust the Lord to give us the words to speak, and then give the results to him. For we never know how God intends to use what we say, and what may seem strong may be exactly what someone needs to hear that they would not hear in any other way.

    So, I encourage you and all of us to just walk in the Spirit and to say whatever it is God is leading us to say and that we should not be afraid of the people, but we should say to them, “Here is your God!”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Amen, Sue!! Amen! I have a post coming out next week on a topic I have questioned discussing but I know it needs to be done. God has really put on my heart that I need to raise an awareness and He helped me take weeks preparing for this and I am so thankful He helped me listen to Him. ❤ Your words are a great encouragement to me and I too relate to Jeremiah. So it means that much more to me.

      Liked by 1 person

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