I Was Wrong About What I Said | The Gossip We Aren’t Aware Of
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I Was Wrong About What I Said | The Gossip We Aren’t Aware Of

T. R. Noble

I want to thank those who commented on yesterday’s post and shared this is something they too struggle with and realize they need to work on. It’s very common to fall into this trap, unfortunately, even when we are careful. 

I’ll be honest, I’ve had some issues in the past with others and I’ve opened up about them with close friends. Recently, I learned too well how what I thought was “innocent” became a problem.

Opening up to a close sister in Christ, I did my absolute best to be open about someone who hurt me. Trying to gain perspective. Figure out what went wrong, how I could become better, grow from the experience, how to let go of hurt, etc.

No slander. It was, “I had this situation happen, I don’t know what to do, this is what I am working on and giving to God.”

When my sister in Christ shared the article Guarding Against Gossip | Set Apart Girl my spirit was greatly rebuked in what I originally thought was okay to share.

I realized I may have unintentionally caused discord with my sister in Christ towards those people. Even if I had unresolved issues, that does not mean my sister in Christ should be dealing with them.

It was revealed, in fact, she had felt a discord and therefore was standoffish because she didn’t know what to do.

I unintentionally made her choose a side.

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I have to admit when friends come up to me about problems that they experience with others, I, too, have a discord. I now know more information about someone, and potentially being made aware of their weaknesses. But I’m also completely unrelated to the situation, so why am I involved, to begin with? Do I truly need to know the problems someone else is causing to another when I’m completely out of the situation? 

On the other hand, do others need to know details about those I struggle with and specific hurts they caused me? 

And even if I was involved, do I need to share opinions about my frustrations with someone to another party and vice versa.  

In the previous post, we were discussing where is the fine line in what we share, what we say, and things we shouldn’t. I put my foot in my mouth when I thought it would be helpful to share what gossip has been to me.

  • Is it truthful?
  • Is it helpful?
  • Is it needed to be known? 
  • Does it put someone down? 

God rebuked me swiftly and immediately with conviction.

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Is it needed? 

I’ve been realizing a lot of the time when I “rant” and “vent” about things, it’s really for me to air out my feelings and thoughts. To hopefully have someone tell me, “Yes, that action was wrong. No, that person shouldn’t have done it.” 

Why do people need to know my trials and frustrations with others?

I’m not saying the actions of others aren’t wrong, or that we shouldn’t seek counsel.

But, as a wife, if I had an argument with my husband, do I need to tell my best friend every specific detail of the fight?

Do I need to rant to my husband about all the issues I have with a friend?

 If I have an issue with someone in the church body, do I need to tell my friends about it in detail, and name the person? 

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This includes topics that might seem safer to discuss. Like specific singers who are looked upon as a Christian artist, but do not embrace the title. Is it right for me to handpick people, simply because I did more research on those singers, but not everyone else?

*For this reason, I have edited those I specified in my post It Doesn’t Matter If Christian Music “Sounds The Same” I’m sorry if the post stumbled anyone by naming those that I did. 

There is a way to share the troubles we have with others, but there is a proper way to do it, even when others are wrong and hurt us. We are NOT to harbor anger or bitterness in ourselves or create it in others by having them take our side.

I’m starting to see why Christ only spoke in parables and used scripture. 

(NIV) James 1:19-20, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

A lot of this is about stepping away from our emotions before we discuss the topic. To truly ask ourselves if people need to know what others did to us, or our opinions on topics in which we are condemning actions and judging sins. 

Above all else, there are things we truly only need to go to God to. We need to own up to the fact people make mistakes as much as we do. Even then, we need to be cautious in what we speak of behind the backs of others…even if it seems harmless and for “understanding”.

(NLT) James 1:22, “But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.”

Are we Christlike in what we say, and what we share with others?

Monthly Scripture –(NKJ) Proverbs 18:13, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.”

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Published by T. R. Noble

Growing up as a teen, adults did not provide me with the answers I wanted. I thought I was spiritually mature. Decades later, I saw the importance of understanding and being able to identify deception, false teachers/prophets. I realized my own ignorance about the Bible and the need to study all portions. I came out of the false doctrine of the Seeker-Driven movement, as well as the Holiness doctrine, suffering under the legalism of sinless perfection. My goal is to help women grow in the word of God. To trust His word. To tear apart deceptions, and to encourage Christian Apologetics. My second blog is Peeking Beneath, little more personal, which occasionally is updated. Aside from blogging, I am a wife. I occasionally work on a Christian Fantasy series. I enjoy painting, gardening, cooking, reading, crocheting, and learning from godly men and women.

35 thoughts on “I Was Wrong About What I Said | The Gossip We Aren’t Aware Of”

  2. Amen, sister! “The truth in love.” Jesus, “full of grace and truth.” “What is good and what the Lord requires of thee, to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with thy God.” We always need to walk in the Spirit, to let Him show us that balance. I so much appreciate that you are trying to do that. Keep up the good work. ❤ & prayers as you continue to walk in His way.

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    1. ❤ thank you, dear sister! I know trying to find the fine line, narrow way, of how to speak in love. I was just reading how in person Paul was humble but in person his letters were bold. It comforts me to know this and to keep striving for Christ.

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      2. ❤ oh, absolutely! Recently, God has revealed regardless of misunderstandings or different viewpoints if we are both looking at the same Christ and drawing close to Him God will find that balance, understanding, and bring us together in Him through unity. I was so grateful you were kind in your words and therefore it was easy to hear your perspective ❤

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  3. Thank you for the edit on the other post. The way it was before made me sad.
    Whether it’s other Christian bloggers or Christian singers, we need to pray for each other because we are each in a constant battle against the enemy of our souls.
    Also, it might be a good idea for us to prayerfully reexamine Romans 14 replacing “eats” (verse 3) with another verb, like “claims the title”.
    Verse 4 reminds us that “…to his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.” May the Lord forgive us for having grieved His Spirit and help us, and them, to continue learning His way and making the adjustments needed when we’ve failed.

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    1. It’s really interesting because some people think what I shared was good because it was viewed as edifying in pointing out false teachers or raising awareness. And I am praying specifically for the one singer because they have detached from talking about God, which was why after several months I shared my concern, it wasn’t overnight.

      I’m trying to find the balance between what we call out in individuals like Christ and Paul and what we refrain from sharing. Finding the difference of pointing out false teachers, wolves that look like sheep because of deception and being aware everyone falls short. Where is the balance of warning and edifying?

      What I can say up to this point is those who are directed as indicated by Christ and Paul it was face to face. Others may have been present, too, but it was more on a one on one level.

      However, when it comes to pastors who are wordly known and preaching prosperity and falsehood, are they pointed out because they are a false teacher? Same way with singers, they will allow the audience to believe what they want. Deception will pull people away, so where is the line, especially in regards to inflencers?

      This is what I am working on currently 🙂 and because of this I am going to start a series sharing where God leads me and hopes it helps others. I hope you don’t mind my explanation. I wanted to share where I am coming from 🙂

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      1. I don’t mind the explanation. The Bible definitely teaches one on one as the first step. Then we are to go with one or two witnesses (Matthew 18:15,16). We are not to tell it to the church until those first two steps have failed (verse 17). The evil one has blinded too many of us to the fact that spreading gossip virtually is still spreading gossip, and it still grieves the heart of God. And sometimes the research we do and results we find online can be just so much regurgitated, unconfirmed gossip. We need to be careful what sources we go to. I think that in order to truly please God in the case of these singers, we need to directly contact the person and talk to them privately in a non-accusing manner, listening (James 1:19), seeking to understand, maybe even ask them for an interview. Maybe they aren’t trying to deceive. Maybe they have other reasons that we haven’t thought of. God knows. Did you read Romans 14:4?

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      2. I agree, talking about specific things and people in the public eye even if they are public themselves easily becomes gossip. I think the verse alone is taken out of context. If people are restricted by eating or not eating certain things those are things they have to work on. Those actions weren’t exactly sins either. If people deny Christ that’s different. If people are choosing the world over Him and are being deceived that’s different. But again, there is a right way to go about this 🙂 and that’s why I am sharing.

        I only want to draw closer to Christ. Be willing to move forward, swallow pride, admit wrongs and help show others His light. I was wrong in the past and that’s why I’m trying to really focus on many scriptures. I hope where God leads me helps others.

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      3. And I totally agree about sources. ❤ I was specifically listening to the indivdual. God wasn't mentioned at all. No credit given to talent. All of these things the person is grateful for and no mention of Christ. This is the balance I'm trying to figure out. When the person themsleves say they are not a Christian title and do not talk about God openly.

        All the more reason though I want to encourage people to talk about God in all ways ❤

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      4. I referred to Romans 14 in this case because even a public figure can be the weaker brother. The Lord has seen fit to allow them to be in the public eye, but how do we know if they are not just terrified? Perhaps if we assumed the best about them and prayed for them, the Lord would work in their hearts and bring them to the place where they need to be. I think it’s important to put ourselves in their shoes, the golden rule, you know. How would I want them to handle it if they were the blogger and I were the singer struggling just to keep my head above the water? We don’t know what is going on in the other person’s heart. Keeping quiet does not always equal deception. Sometimes it may just indicate weakness and/or immaturity and, therefore, our prayers for the person would be the most powerful thing we can do for them and for their audiences.

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      6. In regards to that, too, accountability is needed. I definitely feel that Paul or Peter would encourage people with the truth and point out to turn away from these wealnesses. To turn to Christ, not hide from Him. To be aware that these actions have consequences, too. Again, prayer should go first, but I know we can’t remain silent on these actions, either. To be deceived is to not know. Some form of awareness should be brought up, but I definitely think in these cases more as a group instesd of the indivduals. The Pharisees were always directed as a group even though each individual sinned and it was in the public eye because they spoke and accused falsely. When influencers or believers in genersl also speak falsely because of their own weakness or immaturity is it wrong then to direct a group of people ? Not the indivduals but the problem that share.

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      7. I really want to thank you for your perspective and kindness in the topic. I’m trying to find the line between saying too little and saying too much. We are to speak the truth in love, and I see how that pushes us beyond our comfort zones and at the same time, makes us swallow our pride being ready to listen and slow to speak ❤

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  4. Gossip is wrong, I agree. But, we need to understand what gossip really is. It is bad to just go around venting to people when one gets upset with another person. It is not beneficial for the listener nor for the one doing the venting, for it has no specific purpose other than to just let off steam, but nothing is resolved, and oftentimes people’s reputations get destroyed over simple misunderstandings, because, instead of the person who is upset about something talking with the person they are upset with to try to resolve the issue there, they choose to vent, instead, which is not helpful to anyone, and which is potentially harmful to many people.

    Also, gossip is often for the purpose to make oneself appear good and the other appear bad, when that is not necessarily the truth of the situation at all. And, gossip can also be willful and purposeful for the very purpose to destroy another’s reputation in order to bring pain and misery to the other person, perhaps out of jealousy, or out of bitterness of spirit and unforgiveness towards another. And, all that is bad, it is harmful, and it serves no valuable purpose at all, so it should be avoided at all costs.

    But, this is not to say that there are not good reasons, at times, to have to name names and to share more specific details, particularly in situations where false teaching is taking place, or when people are being led astray, or when someone is in an abusive situation and may need some help or some very specific spiritual warfare type of praying.

    For, Paul definitely named names, and often. He called out Peter for his hypocrisy publicly. He called out publicly the names of those who had deserted him and the Lord, and who were his persecutors, and he named those who were teaching what is false. Jesus did, as well. He publicly chastised the Pharisees for their hypocrisies, and he publicly warned his disciples against the teaching and against following the examples of the Pharisees.

    So, although I agree wholeheartedly that we should not be going around gossiping (venting) about people just because they do one little thing which irks us, and because we refuse to be honest and talk with the person about it, which is the right way to handle it, in normal circumstances, and although I agree that we should not make it our practice to complain about other people or to willfully say things which we know will only hurt them and destroy their reputations, I believe there are specific situations when naming names is appropriate and when public declarations are also appropriate and when we need to give details, especially when it is an abusive situation, or when someone who professes faith in Jesus is living in immorality and is unwilling to repent (1 Co. 5).

    False teaching, abuse, and Christians living sinful lifestyles are often allowed to go on unchecked because of a practice of not bringing these things out in the open, and of keeping them buried under the rug. This is not gossip to report true abusive situations or to point out false teachers and false teaching (even in music lyrics) or to call out a brother or a sister who is living in sin and is unwilling to repent. Sometimes this is necessary to keep others from being led astray. Sometimes it is to bring the unrepentant sinner to the place of shame so that he or she will repent of his or her sinful ways.

    And, sometimes in abusive situations, which Paul often encountered, the abused need counsel or they need prayer and support, and so they need to share with someone that they are being abused so that prayer can go up for them for direction or for their safety, as Paul often asked for prayer for himself because of his persecutors. So, just saying here that not everything is gossip that might be called gossip, for there are clear biblical reasons why, at times, we need to name names or to publicly call someone out on something, especially when all other recourses have been taken with no clear indication of repentance coming from the offender.

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    1. I absolutely agree. There are definitely certain situation that call out for declaration and proclamations. This is always at the back of my mind finding that right balance. Especially writing these posts, I knew I couldn’t cover everything at once, and I’m really working on going to the Lord with this 🙂 Eventually, I plan to have a follow up post regarding this very topic about when it is appropriate.

      Thank you for being so thorough in your response. 🙂

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      1. You are welcome. Just sharing what the Lord laid upon my heart to share. Yes, there is a correct balance here, which is not always easy to find. So, we just have to pray for the Lord to lead us one situation at a time, because every situation is different. Thanks for listening!

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  6. I’ve been on both ends of this topic. Currently I feel like I’m receiving criticism or Judgment from a handful of people because of someone else’s need to share what’s happened.

    I’ve also been the one to go to others with a problem and inadvertently sowed a bit of discord. And most of the time, those “discussions” I had when I was “just venting” didnt help the problem and if anything I felt more upset than calmed. Thanks for this post and yesterday’s post. And yeah let’s take it to God he’s the only fixer anyhow!

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    1. ❤ It's really hard not to vent to others sometimes, at least in my case. But some of the best venting I've ever had…was with God. He can't be swayed. He knows the truth. Where I am wrong, He shows that and rebukes.

      Sometimes we get pulled into situations because of others, and that isn't our fault. I guess it's a good reminder to see that we, too, could pull others into situations by sharing details.

      You're right, there have been times when I get more fueled by venting, not better. And you're so right, God is the only Fixer we need ❤ ❤ God be with you, Amy!!!!

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  8. A good rule is “would you be saying this if that person was right here listening?” I grew up thinking talking about other people was normal. We didn’t discuss our own feelings in my home. I’m trying to change that but it’s a deep habit.

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    1. It really takes time, and the rule you shared is one I do not always apply to people in the media, but should. Discussing issues face to face, seeking forgiveness and understanding, it’s a hurdle for most, but so important we work on. There are somethings I am able to do with others that are harder when it comes to family because we aren’t that open about feelings.

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  9. Yes!!!! You are so correct in what you stated at the conclusion about only telling God what’s on our hearts. I’ve learned there is such a safety in spilling it all out to Him first, not others. Amen and thank you TR!! This is very needed for us all to ponder on. 💖💖💖🤗

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    1. I have to thank my sisters in Christ and God for these two posts. I’m really grateful He guided me through the process and I have loving sisters I can confide to and seek forgiveness. He really provided true sisters for me through His Son. I’m really glad I can share the lessons God reveals to me, especially the hard ones.

      God is a wonderful Listener ❤ isn't He!! ❤

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  10. Seeking counsel for issues can be wise, maybe just someone who is further removed from the situation? Or just go back to that person who hurt you and lay it out there, let the chips fall where they may.

    I’m a person who doesn’t mind conflict so, take this suggestion with a grain of salt.

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    1. Haha, your ending comment made me laugh.

      Counsel is important and I do plan to have a last follow up post, which will be later, how to discuss certain situations and problems. A lot of it has to do with being vague in explaining the main problems. We should seek counsel in regards to scriptures and how to go to God, and be Christlike.

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