Updated: Jan. 5, 2022 – Edited a few sentences, and added resources
What you will read below is my story and how I dealt with the unpardonable sin and my fear. However, I knew I needed to do a much better breakdown of the topic, if you struggle with fear of the unpardonable sin, please consider also checking out: Did I Commit The Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit / Unpardonable Sin?
First, and foremost, I’m not against medicine. I think God provides medicine for the mind, in the same way, He provides medicine and help (like physical therapy) for the body. Also, I am not a licensed doctor or therapist.
Our mind is a lot more complex than any other part of our body. It often becomes the main ground for spiritual warfare. It becomes a garden for seeds of sin to be planted. It is a place we often allow doors to be open.
The mind often makes us feel powerless.
Some people are bent on the mentality of, “Just get over it.”
Get over the anxiety.
Get over the random thoughts.
To which, I’ll say.
Get over your gossip.
Get over your judgemental thoughts, the ones you don’t say, but think.
Get over your drinking/smoking.
Get over watching sinful shows with cursing, nudity, taking God’s name in vain, idols, worship of supernatural, etc.
…want me to go on 😉
The things I listed WE MAKE A CHOICE TO DO! Sometimes we are so accustomed to gossip, judgment, harming our body with substances, or what we expose ourselves to we simply accept our choices. We don’t think about them and how they affect us.
But obsessive thoughts, which are often intrusive…well, let me ask you, do you really think someone wants (chooses) to be obsessed with these thoughts to the point that it interferes with their life?
We can choose gossip and know the consequences. It benefits us as stress relief and allows us to indulge. But with obsessive thinking, most people do not willingly desire to indulge in obsessive thoughts. It’s endless. It’s damaging. There’s no form of relief.
I want to point out, these kinds of thoughts do not mean the individual is sinful for having them. The individual may be sinning in other ways, and we’ll get to that, but obsessive thoughts more than likely are not sinful in themselves.
Which…I struggled to believe.
My Story: I Thought I Blasphemed The Holy Spirit
From 2017 to 2019…yeah at the time of this post, only a few months ago, I started having thoughts repeatedly, over and over, that said the same phrase. And because of these thoughts, I was convinced I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit.
So let’s rewind a little bit.
By the beginning of 2017, I had overcome a sin I had since childhood. For decades I thought I would never give it up because it was always a part of my life. I had always tried to control my urges within myself. I prayed over it. I tried to give it up. My flesh fought hard, and it won.
It wasn’t until I started making the choice, instead of fighting it, I would turn to Jesus instead, and things started to change.
Go to scripture. Listen to worship music. Turn away from anything that would increase temptation. I wanted my focus to be on God, not the potential of sin, and not the temptation. This is why I wrote the two posts on understanding and overcoming temptation.
It’s such a simple choice, but often hard to do. We try to do everything. We try to stop ourselves. We live in the moment and fight in the moment. God taught me to LIVE with Him every moment. To seek Him daily in His word.
It was only then after I sought Him on a much deeper and personal level; through the hours and minutes of every day, that He helped me overcome this sin. He helped me identify what would trigger temptation, and therefore what to stay away from. He helped me understand the truth of scripture.
I felt so liberated and free from something I thought I couldn’t give up (and only through Christ I could).
Then…the thoughts came.
And I was devastated.
The attack was perfect.
Even though I had broken free, there were still other doors I had opened, things I was exposing myself to daily…and these allowed openings for vulnerability in my mind.
This is why I said an individual may not be sinning with the obsessive thoughts (in themselves) but that person may be sinning in other ways.
Because I certainly was.
Some people struggle with how hard I crack down on media (songs, shows, movies, books, podcasts, and YouTube). THIS IS WHY!
I had cut out nudity in shows I watched. But let’s see… I still was exposed to (in the media I watched and listened to) cursing, taking God’s name in vain, love of supernatural, love of sin, love of false gods (lore), idols, death/murder, violence, gore, horror, and yes…sexual talk (jokes especially).
Saying this, about myself, it was so foolish of me to think…the “war” on the flesh was over. It never is. It’s a daily battle. But the more of the flesh I was/am exposed to, the harder it is to deny the flesh. Christian, this is the real and blunt truth.
Near the end of 2018, I started giving up YouTubers who focused on all of the elements I listed because ... Post | Hell Was A Wake-Up Call
It was hard to give up YouTubers I loved watching because they were creative, smart, and funny. But once I cut those ties, the same day, I knew I had to give up a lot of other shows, movies, and books, too because they shared the same focus on wickedness and sin.
I was free in many ways. God had broken a lot of chains around me. But I still struggled with my thoughts…and I felt so helpless that I was fallen because of those thoughts.
It was almost five months afterward that I completely felt free…and aware of the lies I was believing.
I wanted you to know my past before you know my present, and therefore, I’m cutting off this post (and because it is pretty long already). I’ll continue the rest of the story next time and talk about the medicine…no one really talks about. 🙂
- Unpardonable Sin (Mark 3:20-30) by R. C. Sproul
- Unforgivable Sin (Mark 3:20-35) by John MacArthur
- The Modern Blasphemy Against The Holy Spirit by John MacArthur
- What EXACTLY is the Unforgivable Sin? by Allen Parr (The Beat)
- What EXACTLY is the Unforgivable Sin? by Mike Winger (BibleThinker)
- What Is Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit? by Melissa Dougherty
- The Unpardonable Sin, Blasphemy Against The Holy Spirit – by Pastor Tim Conway – This message was what helped me the most. I was so afraid to listen, convinced I was condemned, and Pastor Tim broke down the scripture and the truth of Jesus.
- Is Suicide the Unpardonable Sin? by Sinclair Ferguson ”If people do not want forgiveness, then they will not get the comfort of peace.”
- What Is The Unpardonable Sin? by Got Questions
Have you struggled with these thoughts as a Christian?
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