Relationship with Christ

I Thought I Blasphemed The Holy Spirit | Obsessive & Intrusive Thoughts

Updated: Jan. 5, 2022 – Edited a few sentences, and added resources 

What you will read below is my story and how I dealt with the unpardonable sin and my fear. However, I knew I needed to do a much better breakdown of the topic, if you struggle with fear of the unpardonable sin, please consider also checking out: Did I Commit The Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit / Unpardonable Sin?

First, and foremost, I’m not against medicine. I think God provides medicine for the mind, in the same way, He provides medicine and help (like physical therapy) for the body. Also, I am not a licensed doctor or therapist. 

Our mind is a lot more complex than any other part of our body. It often becomes the main ground for spiritual warfare. It becomes a garden for seeds of sin to be planted. It is a place we often allow doors to be open.

The mind often makes us feel powerless. 

Some people are bent on the mentality of, “Just get over it.” 

Get over the anxiety.

Get over the random thoughts. 

To which, I’ll say.

Get over your gossip.

Get over your judgemental thoughts, the ones you don’t say, but think. 

Get over your drinking/smoking.

Get over watching sinful shows with cursing, nudity, taking God’s name in vain, idols, worship of supernatural, etc. 

…want me to go on 😉  

Screen Shot 2019-05-09 at 1.45.13 AM

The things I listed WE MAKE A CHOICE TO DO! Sometimes we are so accustomed to gossip, judgment, harming our body with substances, or what we expose ourselves to we simply accept our choices. We don’t think about them and how they affect us. 

Post | Are We The Rich Man With Our Entertainment?

Post | Stop Coddling Your Sin & Making Excuses

But obsessive thoughts, which are often intrusive…well, let me ask you, do you really think someone wants (chooses) to be obsessed with these thoughts to the point that it interferes with their life?

We can choose gossip and know the consequences. It benefits us as stress relief and allows us to indulge. But with obsessive thinking, most people do not willingly desire to indulge in obsessive thoughts. It’s endless. It’s damaging. There’s no form of relief.

I want to point out, these kinds of thoughts do not mean the individual is sinful for having them. The individual may be sinning in other ways, and we’ll get to that, but obsessive thoughts more than likely are not sinful in themselves. 

Which…I struggled to believe. 

My Story: I Thought I Blasphemed The Holy Spirit

From 2017 to 2019…yeah at the time of this post, only a few months ago, I started having thoughts repeatedly, over and over, that said the same phrase. And because of these thoughts, I was convinced I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit.

So let’s rewind a little bit. 

By the beginning of 2017, I had overcome a sin I had since childhood. For decades I thought I would never give it up because it was always a part of my life. I had always tried to control my urges within myself. I prayed over it. I tried to give it up. My flesh fought hard, and it won. 

It wasn’t until I started making the choice, instead of fighting it, I would turn to Jesus instead, and things started to change.

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Go to scripture. Listen to worship music. Turn away from anything that would increase temptation. I wanted my focus to be on God, not the potential of sin, and not the temptation. This is why I wrote the two posts on understanding and overcoming temptation.

Post | When Temptation Breaks You | Why We Are Weak

Post | Overcoming Temptation | When Temptation Breaks You

It’s such a simple choice, but often hard to do. We try to do everything. We try to stop ourselves. We live in the moment and fight in the moment. God taught me to LIVE with Him every moment. To seek Him daily in His word.

It was only then after I sought Him on a much deeper and personal level; through the hours and minutes of every day, that He helped me overcome this sin. He helped me identify what would trigger temptation, and therefore what to stay away from. He helped me understand the truth of scripture.

I felt so liberated and free from something I thought I couldn’t give up (and only through Christ I could).

Then…the thoughts came. 

And I was devastated. 

The attack was perfect.

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Even though I had broken free, there were still other doors I had opened, things I was exposing myself to daily…and these allowed openings for vulnerability in my mind. 

This is why I said an individual may not be sinning with the obsessive thoughts (in themselves) but that person may be sinning in other ways. 

Because I certainly was. 

Some people struggle with how hard I crack down on media (songs, shows, movies, books, podcasts, and YouTube). THIS IS WHY! 

I had cut out nudity in shows I watched. But let’s see… I still was exposed to (in the media I watched and listened to) cursing, taking God’s name in vain, love of supernatural, love of sin, love of false gods (lore), idols, death/murder, violence, gore, horror, and yes…sexual talk (jokes especially).

Saying this, about myself, it was so foolish of me to think…the “war” on the flesh was over. It never is. It’s a daily battle. But the more of the flesh I was/am exposed to, the harder it is to deny the flesh. Christian, this is the real and blunt truth. 

Near the end of 2018, I started giving up YouTubers who focused on all of the elements I listed because ... Post | Hell Was A Wake-Up Call

It was hard to give up YouTubers I loved watching because they were creative, smart, and funny. But once I cut those ties, the same day, I knew I had to give up a lot of other shows, movies, and books, too because they shared the same focus on wickedness and sin.

I was free in many ways. God had broken a lot of chains around me. But I still struggled with my thoughts…and I felt so helpless that I was fallen because of those thoughts. 

It was almost five months afterward that I completely felt free…and aware of the lies I was believing. 

I wanted you to know my past before you know my present, and therefore, I’m cutting off this post (and because it is pretty long already). I’ll continue the rest of the story next time and talk about the medicine…no one really talks about. 🙂

(Pt.2) I Thought I Blasphemed The Holy Spirit

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28 thoughts on “I Thought I Blasphemed The Holy Spirit | Obsessive & Intrusive Thoughts

  1. Great post, T.R! I, too, struggle with obsessive thoughts. And while being on medication helps… doesn’t cure. But I know God is with me and He will never leave me. Thanks for posting this!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my goodness, this is almost exactly what I’m currently going through. I’ve made some mistakes by watching some things I know I shouldn’t have. I’m over it now, but I still feel so guilty for doing it. Any tips? And also, do you think it’s necessary to tell other people?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m going to talk about this in the next post, but yes confession is huge! I had looked up numerous articles. And I was aware that based on everything I read I wasn’t, but mentally the battle was strong. We are told to confess with our mouth, and I highly recommend you speak with a fellow Christian you trust. A peer is wonderful, and an elder (someone older) can be great too, especailly if they are mature in their walk with Christ. It’s powerful. It stops making us feel helpless when we have others openly praying over us and with us. There is a sermon I’m going to share that really helped me. I believe his name is Tim Conway but it is on this topic if you want to look it up. Truthfully, it was a combo of things and scripture reading as well. But it was only after, too, I had detached from a lot of negative images/words as well, I was able to get that far. I’m going to get more extensive into these things next week but I hope this helps. What I found powerful in scripture was that what my mind “confessed” is not actually what my mouth confessed. Our mouths confess what is in our heart and I love Jesus and I was proclaiming His truth because I believe it even if my mind had invasive thoughts.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. ❤ I didn't know why, but at the time I was so fearful, guilty, and ashamed of even admitting to others I had these thoughts and when God gave me the opportunity and pushed me to share, He broke down a major door. I know why now, our enemy will lie to us. He will use our vulnerabilities. He will twist scripture. He will use anything against us and if we are not rooted in Christ, it is very hard to see all the deception around us. But through Christ there is hope, confidence, strength, and authority. And the more we cling to Him instead of trusting our thoughts, the weaker our flesh becomes because we are not feeding it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The devil wants to get us isolated so he can defeat us, just as assuredly as a predator in the wild tries to isolate his prey before coming in for the kill. God wants us to know that we are not alone. He is with us, and He gives us brothers and sisters in Christ who can pray with and for us. We all need each others’ prayers.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for sharing this! Truly is a daily battle, but God is gracious in His love and mercy! I too use to have obsessive thoughts and urges but like you said when we submit our troubles before the Lord daily and guard our hearts and minds…The Holy spirit will empowers us to overcome!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. We’ve all been there, T.R. whether we admit it to others or God, we’ve all been down that road. Throughout 2018, I’ve been cleaning house and I still am. Every day, I examine my heart and habits. The Youtubers who used to bring me joy does not anymore and I’ve unsubscribed from them. I’ve started to write a post similar to this one so I’ll save my thoughts for it given that I might overwrite here, but thanks for this post. May God continue to guide you as you allow the Holy Spirit to work in you. 💙

    Liked by 3 people

    1. A lot of Christians go through this ypu are so sweet. For me, it wasn’t giving up what wasn’t giving me joy, but rather things I very much enjoyed but they were not focused on Christ. It is really true, we watch something and be like does this push me to Christ? It is as simple as that but hard to admit because our flesh is attached. I’m so thankful for broken chains, my flesh may have fought at first, but it didn’t win forever. Jesus does. 🙂 We only need to submit and surrender.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s what I meant by ‘joy’. I would be sitting watching a video and laughing and then I’ll sit and think ‘Does this YouTuber even glorfiy Christ with his/her speech and attitude? What can I gain from watching this?’ I realize that I was also wasting time with such videos when I could’ve been doing something else that would glorify Christ instead of wasting my ‘joy’ with such.

        Amen, T.R.! 💙I’ve never felt such freedom after I allow God to have His way.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. When it comes to media there are a couple questions I consider, “Does this increase my love for God and others? Is this entertainment encouraging me to consider truth?”

    I enjoy story telling in it’s various forms (movies and music especially) and I’ll watch/listen to things that aren’t squeaky clean, but I have my boundaries in place for the things that affect me negatively.

    In all this God forgives and redeems us as we slowly mature.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I used to think it was okay if everything was not always clean, but scripture is clear on what we are to stay away from, even if it is watered down and seems harmless.

      I don’t desire to slowly mature because the things I am doing hold myself back and I say this of love, not judgement or condemnation. And God has shown me if the scripture is clear on what is of God and what isn’t, why am I not focused on the truth wholeheartedly? Why do I still choose things that may remind me of why the world is wrong, but I’m not going to the real Source? Anything that is lukewarm we are told God will spit out and I can’t justify myself partaking in something lukewarm for this reason.

      It was a battle with my flesh but I want to serve the Lord and others the best I can. Scripture says to get away from all evil, no matter how the world paints it. I’m not perfect by no means. But how can God forgive something I never sought forgiveness for and never repented of. By no means do I believe works save us, no. We are saved in Christ, but we are told we will be judged for every work both in the light and secret. This is why I share what I do because I’m accountable to this truth and I can’t water it down for others. I hope my response is helpful and not stumbling. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Everyone lives by their convictions. In media, like film or music, lots of things may appear clean but are totally ungodly. I despise the cartoon ‘Arthur’ because the kids are bratty and disrespectful to their parents. Sure there isn’t graphic sex or nudity in it but it portrays sinful behavior. In a fallen world we’ll never avoid sinful acts, we just have to filter out what leads us into sin.

        1 Corinthians 5:10-11
        But I did not mean the people of this world. You would have to leave the world to get away from all the people who sin sexually, or who are greedy and cheat each other, or who worship idols. 11 I meant you must not associate with people who claim to be believers but continue to live in sin. Don’t even eat with a brother or sister who sins sexually, is greedy, worships idols, abuses others with insults, gets drunk, or cheats people.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Now, I totally see what you mean about “wholesome” shows may not be and when we are aware absolutely turn away! And for the same reason if we are watching something that is sinful, we should turn away. Why expose our eyes and ears to sin?

        I think of the rich man wanting to follow Christ. He was told to follow the commandments and did so. But he could not give up his possessions, which is an attachment to the flesh. And I think our entertainment especially people cling to desperately in this world. I know I certainly have. I love good story telling but I’ve seen how I’ve had to give up well written shows because the gifts given were not to glorify God, but man.

        We live in a sinful world, you are so right! But we are to be the difference and that’s because we are to be Christlike. And I have to admit to myself if what I am watching or listening to is not something Christ would, I have to turn away and seek forgiveness, repent of it by giving it up. If I am doing something Christ wouldn’t do, I need to seek forgiveness and actively work on repentence by seeking Him and His ways.

        I wanted to add time is so short on this earth, we are told life is but a mist. I believe through giving up what we expose ourselves to, what we choose to partake in, that helps diminish potential sin. We are told to be holy because God is holy and I believe only through Christ we can achieve this. Absolutely, sin happens, but like you mentioned boudaries help, cutting out all evil helps. It helps be a brighter light to others who are sinners because we are not partaking of the same things. Anyways, thanks so much for the thoughtful discussion!!

        Liked by 2 people

      3. It’s a good discussion to have. It’s easier for me to support someone who abstains totally from media because it is laced with messages contrary to Christ and it wastes time.

        Would Jesus watch TV? I don’t know, probably not…but then again Jesus might surprise you.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post. I, like many others, have had the same issue. I have watched/heard/read something that would stay with me for days. My grandmother’s voice ringing in my ears about how the things we read/watch stay with us. She is right.

    When the internet really took off and became a household item I remember being exposed to many things that I never experiences before. I can recall clearly the first time I ever seen a person who was seriously burned in a DUI accident (she wasn’t the one who was drunk), who was coincidentally, the same woman who had recently died. The image of her burned body really impacted me and stays to me to this day. I’m ashamed to say it scared me. It wasn’t her fault that she was hurt so badly, but I had never been exposed to that type of thing before. Now I am no scared by her appearance because I am more mature, but as a child, it was shocking.

    I am so desensitized now to the “darker” aspects of life due to the internet and television. Some for good, like the burn victim. It is good to be desensitized to that stuff, in my opinion, because we shouldn’t be scared of people who are sick/hurt, if you know what I mean. However, not everything is for the good.

    I have a question for you. What is your opinion on real life tragedies? As you are well aware, I write a lot about abuse. Not only that, I read a lot about abuse to make sense of my own. Some stories of abuse I have read/watched on TV are especially horrific and have made a negative impact on me. There is a part of me that feels that it would be best to stay away from certain stories that are graphic in nature to maintain “purer” thoughts. On the other hand, I feel it is good to learn about these things, though difficult, in a way to honor the victims and their struggle. To keep the fighting spirit to survive alive for those who have passed and to celebrate the strength and courage for those who have made it to the other side. Also to help educate the public on abuse in efforts to prevent it from happening. What would be your interpretation of discussing/reading about these difficult topics when it comes to one’s spirituality? There is a fine line to walk and some guidance is always helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I see what you mean about burn victims or injuries. I suppose the issue is the environment you become desensitized. If it is a show, I am way more guarded against because of the material also added like drama, cursing, taking God’s name in vain, etc. If it is because people are training as a nurse or in the health field that’s completely different. It is not artificial. It is not for entertainment purposes.

      In my opinion, and people differ, in regarding sharing absuse I think it is easy to be both discreet and share a story. People do not need to know all details to know what sexual abuse is. People do not need to know all details to know what physical abuse is. Our world is wicked and perverted (not only in a sexual sense, but all senses). People thrive on details that do not affect them.

      Unfortunately, we live in a world where one’s experience can easily become ideas for another. There is a way to describe feelings without specific details of experience. If we said people constantly cursed at us we do not necessarily need to share all the ways they cursed at us. Adults know.

      Guarded explanations allow more people to hear, including those who may be triggered otherwise. Wicked acts do not get the spotlight, rather, the indvdual. A person could share they were led to cut themselves and leave it at. But share more openly about their feelings and thoughts. It is also a slap in the face to darkness to show how God helps us overcome. It is not about speific details but an overall story. And hopefully one of leaving the past behind and overcoming.

      When looking at these experiences we are told to speak in love. We are told to be pure. As an author we hold the pen and we have the control to protect our audience and be accountable to that audience. When someone is abused they do not have control, though they may seek it in other ways. Writers hold the control in their piece and I hope knowing this gives comfort.

      I know some people may be upset that this is a form of watering down things, but wouldn’t it be wonderful as we are told in scripture to overcome evil with good.

      The world we live in, sure, they want everything. They want to relive hard experiences. It may be beneficial to the indivdual and it should, but our world thrives on entertainement a lot. People become involved with horror for entertainement purposes. It’s troubling. Again, I know many have different views, but this is where I’ve come from so far. I hope my explaination is helpful ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your thorough explanation on your stance pertaining to the subject. I agree with you on many points, especially being that we live in the world where entertainment is put above nearly all else — including the truth.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow! I feel like I was reading about my life! This was so well written and a great explanation of things. I’ve really had to cling to the scriptures about controlling our thoughts and learning as they fly through my mind to keep them or release them.

    One thing I heard within the last year was that anxiety is not reality and that changed everything for me. I relate to this post so much had to comment even though it doesn’t make much sense. ha But I understood everything even strictly cutting out TV, music, and the simplest things. Jesus said If your hand causes you to sin cut it off and there’s a reason.

    This was such a great post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so grateful you connected, and so sorry you can relate. I know how difficult those thoughts are. I actually finished up a series on my second blog about anxiety, I did a study on it. And I realized anxiety is the opposite of the peace of God, and the peace of God is all about the assurance we have in Jesus Christ. It just makes so much sense!

      That quote you heard last year is so true, and very helpful/encouraging. Anxiety is not reality ❤ YES! Thanks for sharing that!

      Liked by 1 person

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