I’m Working On My Mind… And It’s Hard

(Update: 06/01/2022)

Judgment.

Assumptions.

Emotional attachment which tags along. 

There is a line  a sister in Christ and I joke about, “It’s Not About Me.” We will say the line to each other when one of us admits our selfish struggles. It’s so easy for us to get caught up in our feelings and thoughts, especially when we don’t have all the answers.

At least…for me.

There has been a lot I’ve given up to the Lord from the end of last year to now, which I’m grateful for. It’s become more than apparent all of the previous things I was exposing myself to made me blind and numb to how it affected my thinking.

Ever since I shared the posts about gossip (see: I Thought It Was Okay… & I Was Wrong About What I Said) I’ve been more convicted on how to identify my thoughts. To listen and discern what my emotions are saying and rebuke myself for what is not Christlike. To catch myself immediately when I see something and have a judgemental thought.

(NIV) 2 Corinthians 13:05, “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you–unless, of course, you fail the test?”

It’s hard. 

I struggle because it’s hard admitting all of these selfish and judgemental thoughts.

No validity in these thoughts or it is not Christlike period. I don’t like admitting this because I see how much He has helped me grow, but truthfully, I have so much more I need to grow in. Which just shows me how I truly cannot save myself, only Jesus dying on the cross and resurrecting conquers and pays for my bondage to sin. Jesus is the only way.

It’s hard when I don’t always let go of the thoughts and repent…and that’s where I get into trouble. 

We may not act on our thoughts, but entertaining them can be deadly.

Validation is something I struggle with. We make assumptions.

When people are silent, when I think I did something wrong, or think someone doesn’t like me, my mind goes a thousand miles an hour. I try to fill in every blank I can. Connect dots that are not there. I get upset because I don’t know what the issue is, and recently, God CONVICTED me heavily of…well, maybe it isn’t about me, thus my sister in Christ making the joke.

Desiring a form of control (through understanding) and not getting any is difficult. Was it something I did? Or did someone decide they do not like me anymore, why? Putting my selfishness to paper is cringey because, you know, it’s really not about me. 

And…then come the feelings and thoughts of woe is me. I desire greatly for people to understand my side, and what I’m going through…and I am reminded that God knows my heart. The Lord instructs me to understand and be compassionate toward others. I am to stop focusing on myself and focus on Him. My eyes and mind must focus on Christ and the Gospel. 

Humility is kinda like the book which, when ate, was both sweet and sour. It was sweet to the mouth but sour in the stomach. Only humility is the reverse. At first, the conviction that brings humility can feel sour, but the fruit which later blossoms is sweet.

(NIV) Galatians 5:17, “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”

I don’t think it is a coincidence the past few posts I’ve been catching up on reading have discussed issues with assumptions and selfish thinking. If I didn’t get the memo before, I certainly got it now.

When I realized the reality of what was ACTUALLY going on versus what I THOUGHT & FELT…it certainly was bitter to take in. 

I was guilty in front of the Lord, not anyone else. Me. Only me. I could have had a better heart and attitude toward others if I wasn’t so focused on myself. I could have loved others better. Regardless of the situation or what I thought. The Lord knew the truth, and He is all I needed to turn to, but instead, I filled in what I didn’t know. I did not give it to God. And I was wrong. 

Nothing had anything to do with me. Even though I was praying against the thoughts, my inward heart’s reaction…definitely sided more with my own emotions instead of how Christ wants me to love.

Another blogger, Shae, touched on this in a post I recently read.

She talked about how she struggles to fathom the vastness of the Lord. I agreed with her, but especially after this realization. I fall so short in many ways. Yet, He loves me, and He is willing to forgive me, and help love others the way HE desires! He’s provided a way even through my falling. Like eagle’s wings, He’s caught me before I hit the ground. Jesus truly is the way! 

Immense hope showered my shoulders knowing this. Despite my shortcomings, I see how the Lord used this for His glory, and for others. He showed me in His word how I can love others better in uncertainty. It’s why I wanted to share this with you today. 

So many whispers that were lying to me, yet, God exposed them all with the truth. It made me realize how my eyes truly need to be turned to Him, not myself. It’s a battle I will continue to work on. But my heart has been made more open. 

I want eyes like Christ who sees the crowd and is moved with compassion. I want to be there in the silence. I want to have a positive heart when I am unsure. I want to rely on the truth of God NOT my mind or my feelings.

(NIV) 2 Peter 1:07-08, “And to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

(NIV) Colossians 1:10-12, “So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.”

---

Comment Below:

Do you struggle with assumptions in the silence or judgemental thinking? How has God directed your thoughts to His truth?

Monthly Scripture – (NKJ) Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me,” says the Lord. 

Join us in requesting prayer, praying for each other and lifting each other up. 

Get To Know Me & My Blog

Believer Handbook

• Seeking More Christian Bloggers To Connect With/Read? Check Out The Community
• Help For Christian Bloggers-Christian Blogging 101/Help
• General Help For Blogging– Blogging 101 
• Second Blog: Peeking Beneath

Social-Twitter: T. R. Noble  Instagram: Noblewriter77  Facebook Page: T. R. Noble Pinterest: TRNoble77 YouTube: T. R. Noble Goodreads: T. R. Noble