It’s hard talking about this stuff sometimes because people misunderstand and make assumptions so quickly. Instead of listening, they lecture. As you’ll see I had some friends who misunderstood. But I hope my story can encourage you to draw close to the Lord, especially if you, too, struggle, with the fear in the night.
I may be a night owl, but falling asleep at night has not always been the easiest for me. Right from birth, I’ve struggled with my nights and days.
I tend to wake up four to six times when I sleep. I’ve not been tested but I think I have fragment sleep. I will sometimes see things at night, like hallucinations. It is not sleep paralysis. I can move completely and verbally speak. But I will see things materialize and last several seconds before vanishing. These images produce no sound. It’s not like I see a shadow figure reach out and actually touch me. It is not like that.
I’ve stared at my dresser and saw everything get swept off of it…only for it to not be true.
I’ve seen a tall red creepy palm tree in the corner of the room, only to vanish. *These are only two examples.
The first time this occurred was in 2012.
That spring I had gone through a depression full of shame and running away while at college. I’ve talked about it when I first started blogging but I may talk about it again. In the summer of 2012, I was in bed staring out and something materialized. It looked like a green ball of light and it freaked me out. I sat up in bed. I moved thinking it would disappear, and it moved closer. Everything that it “could” have been, it was not. I didn’t know what it is, or why it did not disappear. (This was probably my longest experience)
Immediately, I shoved my head down into the covers and prayed over and over. When I lifted my head it was gone. Since then…I’ve experienced more of these happenings.
It’s certainly possible that my brain is confused between being tired and trying to be fully awake. It takes me a few seconds to register what just happened, so it may very well be my mind. I have issues falling asleep.
I’ve been rebuked to give it to the Lord and “not mess around with that stuff”. The advice came from a good place, thankfully, the people who gave it never knew the terror that comes with these experiences. They meant well, but they did not really understand me, and instead, it felt like I was being accused of something.
As I shared last year the things I watch, listen to, or read, if it does not give glory to the Lord and is not Christlike, I need no part with it. I’m a lot further now in my walk with the Lord than I was then. Yet, I still have these experiences occasionally.
But the hallucinations are not my only issue.
When I had given up a lot of media especially this past year over to the Lord, my nightly issues seemed to have increased. Even though the hallucinations do seem to have decreased.
Some nights I’ll struggle with fear. My mind will have images of creepy things. It’s a struggle between my eyes “seeing” something, or my mind will paint pictures I do not want. In fact, I recently had a dream in which, I referred to the “wolf” in my mind, asking my husband to get rid of it.
Maybe others cannot help me with the mental battle…but there is Someone who can.
In March or April, I brought up my fear issue with my sisters in Christ, and they were really supportive in prayer. A few things came from it.
- Scriptures- I started writing down scriptures on post-it notes, and ones about fear and finding refuge in God are taped beside my bed. Scriptures about finding rest are also there as well.
- Talking to God before falling asleep. It could be prayer, but sometimes, I just imagine peaceful scenes. Courts of Heaven. Flower fields. His presence surrounding. This helps combat the dark images my mind gets filled with.
- Rebuke images and turn to God. Though the images kept coming, I would rebuke them. It gets hard right before I fall asleep because my mind drifts more, which is why I’ve worked on imaging peaceful scenes with the Lord and giving Him glory in my mind.
But one of the most powerful gifts I was given came from God.
One night the images were really rampant in my mind. I was brushing my teeth, and I had disturbing thoughts of something running back and forth in the hallway. Waiting for me to open the door.
And God placed this thought in my mind to use as a weapon.
“Through Jesus Christ, you have been given the Holy Spirit. If anything dark touches you, it touches HIM, too. Let them dare to feel the holiness of the One who makes them bend to their knees. They may want you to be afraid, but they fear Him! If they touch you, they touch Him, and they will bow to Him!”
Thus the saying, “If you touch me, you touch Him,” was born and given to me as a sword.
It’s been a blessing to know and be aware of this. The Holy Spirit, the Comforter, is a refining fire. His flame is eternal. His power is never-ending. My friend, if you have Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, turning away from sin, you have this flame within you, too. You have the hand of the Comforter ready to strike out against the darkness that wants you afraid.
I know not everyone will understand my story or my experiences. But I hope that those who do can find encouragement in this.
Christ is always with us!
If you would like to learn about how you can ask Christ into your life please see Salvation’s Recipe | How To Receive Christ Into Your “Heart”
Have you struggled in the night?
Monthly Scripture – (NKJ) Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me,” says the Lord.
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