My Life

My Fear In The Night (The Wolf In My Mind)

It’s hard talking about this stuff sometimes because people misunderstand and make assumptions so quickly. Instead of listening, they lecture. As you’ll see I had some friends who misunderstood. But I hope my story can encourage you to draw close to the Lord, especially if you, too, struggle, with the fear in the night. 

I may be a night owl, but falling asleep at night has not always been the easiest for me. Right from birth, I’ve struggled with my nights and days.

I tend to wake up four to six times when I sleep. I’ve not been tested but I think I have fragment sleep. I will sometimes see things at night, like hallucinations. It is not sleep paralysis. I can move completely and verbally speak. But I will see things materialize and last several seconds before vanishing. These images produce no sound. It’s not like I see a shadow figure reach out and actually touch me. It is not like that.

I’ve stared at my dresser and saw everything get swept off of it…only for it to not be true. 

I’ve seen a tall red creepy palm tree in the corner of the room, only to vanish. *These are only two examples. 

The first time this occurred was in 2012.

That spring I had gone through a depression full of shame and running away while at college. I’ve talked about it when I first started blogging but I may talk about it again. In the summer of 2012, I was in bed staring out and something materialized. It looked like a green ball of light and it freaked me out. I sat up in bed. I moved thinking it would disappear, and it moved closer. Everything that it “could” have been, it was not. I didn’t know what it is, or why it did not disappear. (This was probably my longest experience) 

Immediately, I shoved my head down into the covers and prayed over and over. When I lifted my head it was gone. Since then…I’ve experienced more of these happenings.

Screen Shot 2019-06-08 at 10.33.50 PM

It’s certainly possible that my brain is confused between being tired and trying to be fully awake. It takes me a few seconds to register what just happened, so it may very well be my mind. I have issues falling asleep.

I’ve been rebuked to give it to the Lord and “not mess around with that stuff”. The advice came from a good place, thankfully, the people who gave it never knew the terror that comes with these experiences. They meant well, but they did not really understand me, and instead, it felt like I was being accused of something. 

As I shared last year the things I watch, listen to, or read, if it does not give glory to the Lord and is not Christlike, I need no part with it. I’m a lot further now in my walk with the Lord than I was then. Yet, I still have these experiences occasionally.

But the hallucinations are not my only issue.

Screen Shot 2019-06-08 at 10.35.26 PM.png

When I had given up a lot of media especially this past year over to the Lord, my nightly issues seemed to have increased. Even though the hallucinations do seem to have decreased.

Some nights I’ll struggle with fear. My mind will have images of creepy things. It’s a struggle between my eyes “seeing” something, or my mind will paint pictures I do not want. In fact, I recently had a dream in which, I referred to the “wolf” in my mind, asking my husband to get rid of it.

Maybe others cannot help me with the mental battle…but there is Someone who can. 

In March or April, I brought up my fear issue with my sisters in Christ, and they were really supportive in prayer. A few things came from it.

  • Scriptures- I started writing down scriptures on post-it notes, and ones about fear and finding refuge in God are taped beside my bed. Scriptures about finding rest are also there as well.
  • Talking to God before falling asleep. It could be prayer, but sometimes, I just imagine peaceful scenes. Courts of Heaven. Flower fields. His presence surrounding. This helps combat the dark images my mind gets filled with.
  • Rebuke images and turn to God. Though the images kept coming, I would rebuke them. It gets hard right before I fall asleep because my mind drifts more, which is why I’ve worked on imaging peaceful scenes with the Lord and giving Him glory in my mind.

But one of the most powerful gifts I was given came from God.

Screen Shot 2019-06-08 at 10.36.25 PM.png

One night the images were really rampant in my mind. I was brushing my teeth, and I had disturbing thoughts of something running back and forth in the hallway. Waiting for me to open the door.

And God placed this thought in my mind to use as a weapon.

“Through Jesus Christ, you have been given the Holy Spirit. If anything dark touches you, it touches HIM, too. Let them dare to feel the holiness of the One who makes them bend to their knees. They may want you to be afraid, but they fear Him! If they touch you, they touch Him, and they will bow to Him!”

Thus the saying, “If you touch me, you touch Him,” was born and given to me as a sword.

It’s been a blessing to know and be aware of this. The Holy Spirit, the Comforter, is a refining fire. His flame is eternal. His power is never-ending. My friend, if you have Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, turning away from sin, you have this flame within you, too. You have the hand of the Comforter ready to strike out against the darkness that wants you afraid.

I know not everyone will understand my story or my experiences. But I hope that those who do can find encouragement in this.

Christ is always with us!

ALWAYS! 

If you would like to learn about how you can ask Christ into your life please see Salvation’s Recipe | How To Receive Christ Into Your “Heart”


Comment Below:
Have you struggled in the night?

Monthly Scripture – (NKJ) Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me,” says the Lord. 

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18 thoughts on “My Fear In The Night (The Wolf In My Mind)

    1. No. Right now, it’s not something I can look into. Up until the past few months, it’s not really a problem. And it has been subsiding 🙂 I need to have a better sleep routine anyway and I think that’s part of the problem. (At some point, I’d like to do a sleep study. Cause I’m curious, too)

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Sweet friend, I do understand completely but rarely tell anyone because of judgement. Due to my brain injury, I see things in my subconscious to awake state. It’s scary but I’m actually used to it. Images, Spiders, A person, Shadows, yes, my dresser too. I have asked my doctor and she said she didn’t know and looked at me like I’m creepy. Therefore, I don’t talk about it and even hesitate here, but I care about you more and want to help you as you’ve always helped me. Night terrors or hallucinations are common for those who suffer ptsd like myself. In my case, it could be the part of the brain that processes vision, the occipital lobe. Every time I am under STRESS or get cranial work done to my head by my doctor, the hallucinations increase. They do go away over a short period but never completely. I listen to Christian music all night on low volume but honestly nothing keeps the brain from doing it’s crazy stuff. It’s scary and upsetting, I know, but knowing you too suffer from this gives me a sense that I’m not alone. Love you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ❤ thank you so much! It's hard to explain and I definitely think part of it relates to physical things in the mind, getting sleepy but not fully being asleep or awake. Other times, I do wonder about spiritual warefare because of the timing, sometimes it is out of nowhere. Or complete stress and my mind being overloaded. You are certainly not alone! ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  2. You’re 3 bullet points are great action points. I would encourage you that people like to have answers for problems, so when you share this they are trying to figure out the “why?” and it probably leads to questions that feel like accusations. God bless you and protect you in this process. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I absolutely appreciate this so much! You know when it published I felt like God put the same on my heart. Just to understand people are going to have different perspectives and the way you said it is so right, they’re not accusations (most of the time at least) to be grateful people care, and I need to focus on those who can benefit from it. Again, thank you so much for this encouragement! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 🙂 Thank you for courageously sharing your struggle T.R.

        People do care (most of the time) and it’s hard to see someone struggle without having the solution. Sometimes supporting without an answer it the best thing that can be done.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This was good for me to read and gain more insight into what other people often struggle with. Thank you for sharing, T.R.! While I have not experience anything on this scale before, I can totally understand the sheer terror of having these things come back time and time again.

    Without any hint of bragging or superiority, I would like to recall an experience of my own… I remember the night I had my last horrifying dream. I had to have been in grade 3 or 4 at that time. I awoke in a fright because there was a dragon chasing me in my dream, and after telling my mom about it, she recommended that I pray. So I did. I went back to my bed and asked God to take away the nightmare.
    Since that time, I have had a handful of scary dreams — all of them relating to either one of my siblings dying (and I being the one who, unintentionally, brought on their demise). And, I still have occasional ‘weird’ dreams, where I’ve done something that was completely immoral or simply out of character for me. While awake, whenever I envision something evil in my mind, I immediately understand that it is not real. I always maintain consciousness of that, thankfully.
    The Lord has been incredibly gracious to me in this area of dreams/nightmares/mind-images. He has blessed me with freedom from frightful thoughts and I pray that He will grant you that same joy, dear sister. ❤

    There is one last thing I hope will be an encouragement to you: Instead of focusing on directly rebuking the evil things, I wonder if it would be more helpful to simply cry out to God. After all, He is our Refuge, our Shelter, our Comforter, our Deliverer. Maybe instead of looking evil in its brazen face or talking directly to it, perhaps, it would be better for us to flee to the safe and secure arms of our Saviour. (May He fight our battles for us!!) Of course, I have not experienced these things myself, so I do not want to make improper assumptions. (I believe you are doing all that you know to do to resist the Devil's schemes.) I say all this with a humble heart, wanting only the best for you, dearest fellow co-heir-with-Christ.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No worries! It is really hard to understand something we have never experienced. I totally relate, desiring to pass some form of encouragement but hoping it is not offensive.

      I do not rebuke the images every single time. 😊 I focus on Christ and hold to His truth. But I know when Christ was tempted He used scripture as His weapon. He did not flee. And fleeing the mind, well, it is kinda impossible. To give an idea, if I said the word cow, it would be hard not to focus on the word cow at all. That’s how these images are sometimes.

      I am fully aware of what I see and feel is not real. But fear is a weakness of mine and usually when I am stressed or vulnerable in other ways, sometimes these nights are hard. It continues to get easier, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have these issues at all.

      I do find comfort and strength in Him ❤ But even when we have shelter in the storm…it still is raining and thundering, if that makes sense 😊 And He is there in the storm, but His will may not be that the storm ends when I wish.

      Like I shared when I experience these things I am not alone and God is with me. He has given me not only His hand but weapons of truth, which is the word of God. 🙂 Thanks for being kind and considerate of me. ❤

      I'm really glad you've been freed from nightmares 😊

      Liked by 2 people

      1. <3<3<3
        Thanks for understanding my heart behind my comment! It sounds like you've found some great tools from His Word with which to arm yourself. I'm so glad!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for this post, TR! I admire your willingness to bring up topics that you think will be misunderstood. Obviously, as writers, we should always strive to express things clearly. But there are things that will be misunderstood despite our best efforts, haha. You prove over and over again that you truly desire to make your blog all about what you feel the Spirit of God is desiring you to communicate, and that is a beautiful and inspiring thing! ❤

    I loved so much how you highlighted the fact that the source in which you've found the greatest help in this battle is GOD! I once saw a painting that had the words, "Sometimes God calms the storm. But sometimes God lets the storm rage and calms His child." This post reminded me that God is our victory, however He chooses the showcase that victory! It was so encouraging to read how God Himself gave you the strongest weapon you've found to use in this battle. Our God is so much greater than the dark – and so good and so faithful!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ‘If you touch me, you touch Him.’ That gives me chills. We may not be powerful, but we may contain the power of He who is. I love it! Thank you for sharing. My demons are going to hate this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen, the Comforter has that name for a reason! Nothing goes past the Refiner’s Fire, nothing! We can rest in His truth, His shelter, and trust He is there to take care of us. I’m glad the comforter He’s reminded me of has encouraged you.

      Like

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