Relationship with Christ

Enduring Temptation, Giving Up What We Hold Onto | My Story Of Sexual Sin

Sin made me ashamed. It made me want to run. If you had told me one day I would write about it I would be afraid. But now, I know God has received glory because I chose Him over my sin.

PARENTAL WARNING:  I highly encourage you to go over the post first. I do talk about topics that can be uncomfortable.

Sexual sin is often one of the most common sins our world struggles with, and Christians are not exempt. We live in a world that is often about me, me, me, and sexual sin or sexual pleasure (of any kind) is all about pleasing the flesh.

  • Lust

-looking at someone with sexual desire, undressing them, thinking desiring thoughts, observing their body, etc.

  • Self-pleasure

-Sexual fantasy, pleasing one own’s body sexually, often engaging with lust as well, especially through porn or visual aid of some kind.

  • Treating A Partner Like An Object To Feed Sexual Needs 

-Having sex whenever one desires, not caring about (or fulfilling) the needs of the spouse, but only self. Sexual intimacy between husband and wife is not loving, but lustful.

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Lust In Marriage Focuses On Self

Marriage is not safe from this. We are told in scripture the husband’s body is not his own, but his wife’s and that the wife’s body is not her own, but her husband’s. (1 Corinthians 7:04) HOWEVER, that does not mean we should ever use our spouse purely for our own sexual needs.

It’s degrading. It is not so much about being one anymore but about pleasing oneself. Unity is togetherness, this applies in sexual intimacy of a marriage as well.

I’ve talked about this a little bit last year.

POSTS|  Discussing Sex In A Godly Marriage & Truth Of Honoring Our Body Beyond Modesty

Both women and men need to be godly about intimacy in a marriage, period. I understand people are not always going to be where they need to be, but we should be accountable to this and aim for godliness, in all things.

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If You Are Having Sex Outside A Marriage You Can’t Achieve Godliness 

There’s no way.

Marriage is a promise you make to God and to your spouse. Being accountable in front of the community. Without this outward promise of unity and being one, the commitment to stay together is not there. The commitment to accountability is not there. Living together does not matter.

As a Christian, you need to understand, marriage is like asking God to be the head of the household. It’s like inviting Him into your relationship, for both of you. Even if you both are proclaimed Christians, but having sex outside of marriage, the unity with the Lord is not with the both of you, but it is separate. 

I’m not saying you’re branded for life with a scarlet letter if you’ve made mistakes. Repentance in Christ washes away sin, but that means we are to TURN AWAY from the sin. I’m speaking as someone who was not a virgin on her wedding day. And if people who know me now want to judge me almost six years later in marriage go ahead. I can’t hide behind my sin. I’m done with the past.

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We like doing that, don’t we? Hide behind sin. Shamefully, I cared more about what people thought and the judgments they would make on me than God. That’s the truth.

When I got married, I didn’t have to hide behind one sin, but I still had others that followed.

Marriage should never be an answer to sex. God is our answer and our way to righteousness. I had a relationship with Christ, and I grew very much in Him, but it was flawed.

We Won’t Be Given Anything We Can’t Handle (In Temptation)

Scripture says God will not give us anything we can’t handle ONLY in regards to temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). Get that right in your mind because the world teaches a false lie otherwise. We will go through hard things in life we can’t handle. That’s the truth. But guess what, TEMPTATION CAN BE HANDLED THROUGH CHRIST!

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Here is where I was: 

  • I was watching shows with sexual themes, jokes, or encouraged lust.
  • Even though I did listen to Christian music, a lot of my favorite music was sexual, all about being in control of a man, being pleased the way I desired, etc.
  • One book series, Twilight, I was into. It’s a lustful series. It’s about fantasy. There were brief sex scenes in it, and it doesn’t matter they were married. I do not need to read about it. 

I gave Twilight up not because it was an ungodly series, but because of how sentences were structured. I still had my music and I still had my shows. Yet, I’m trying to turn to Christ holding these things in my arms, but not giving them to Him. 

Lord, why won’t You help me…why must I struggle like this? I want to turn to You and please You.

DO YOU REALLY?

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We Don’t Always Need Conviction We Need Scripture

This is why I say on my blog that conviction is not always what we think it is.

A stop sign is still there whether we see it or not.

Scripture is clear on what is godly. Scripture is clear on sexual immorality. Do I need more conviction to give up things spelled out in the Bible that are wrong? No.

Show me, Lord, give me a sign if this is wrong. Read scripture and admit what it says. 

At some point, the Lord revealed I was uncovering the nakedness of others. There is no way you can say this without feeling dirty and creepy. Things I didn’t think were porn, I realized, were. If I wasn’t uncovering it myself, then I was being encouraged to through my media.

I don’t want my husband to desire me lustfully. Do you hear me? Lust dies. It gets replaced. It’s fleeting. It has it’s high moment and then it is gone. It is a broken cup that never gets filled. Women, hear me, if we are aiming to fill lustful needs they will NEVER be met.  

Once the Lord revealed to this to me, I realized how much I wanted to serve Him and my husband properly. But simply desiring to deny my flesh it was not enough. I said goodbye to a lot of media.

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I became more aware of what I was listening to and what I saw. If anything was stirring my body or mind, I had to say no. I would sometimes physically leave the living room after turning off the tv, and turn to Christ in worship. This is where my playlist of Christian music grew into numerous volumes. I would write for Him on my blogs when I barely had anyone. My intimacy which was focused on self turned over to Him.

In turn, because my focus was on Christ, naturally, my focus on my husband grew in a more godly way, too. 

Then several months went by when I became aware my sins had stopped.

Unlike the past, I wasn’t waiting last minute when my flesh was overcoming me to seek God’s help. That’s why I wrote Post | When Temptation Breaks You | Why We Are Weak 

It was not the moment my flesh was going to overtake me that I was tempted, but everything leading up to that moment. 

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I thought I didn’t have to give up tv shows, music, or anything else because “I wasn’t convicted, but I didn’t realize the connection all these things had to one particular sin.

Who are we to determine when God convicts and when He doesn’t. It’s all there in scripture. But I refused to look at scripture, what it was saying and apply it to every single thing I exposed myself to.

Temptation is a funny thing. We often look at the one sin we have, but we don’t acknowledge all of these other things of the world we hold onto.

We refuse to admit their influence on us. It’s as simple as this if it is not focused on God, it is of the world.  If you want to defeat sin, you have to be willing to admit all influences around you, not just the actual act of sin.

You have to be willing to let go of everything that is not godly. To admit when our flesh is overcoming us, this includes anything that makes us focused on ourselves and how we feel. *We can acknowledge our emotions and thoughts, but we must go to God and scripture in knowing how to direct them.

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Since then, God has shown me a lot and has further helped me give up more media and influence, replacing them with guidance on how to spend more time with Him. This one sin made me blind to so much, but through Christ, I see more clearly. 

If you are looking for a handout from the world on what to avoid for your marriage, your walk with God, and your soul, you’re not going to get it. Everything goes.

And one day, it will all burn. 

We need Christ, and we need Him now.


Comment Below:
Has God been calling to you to give up influences and sin?

Monthly Scripture – (NKJ) Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me,” says the Lord. 

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40 thoughts on “Enduring Temptation, Giving Up What We Hold Onto | My Story Of Sexual Sin

  1. T.R. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for talking about this subject so openly and honestly. It needs to be talked about, for so many people are trapped in this stuff, and so many of them are making excuses for it, too. I was there. I had a time in my life when I went astray from what I knew was right, and I followed my flesh instead of the Spirit, but the Lord brought me back. And, I realized a lot of the things you are expressing here, too, which I knew before, but which I then really had driven into my heart and mind. And, I so agree with you here, probably on every point you made. We need to live godly and holy lives and we need to not make compromise with the world of sin. The days are evil. We must get radical about sin!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Agreed with Sue’s response here. One part that jumped out at me was that marriage isn’t about sex or us or even our spouse. It’s not to keep us from feeling lonely or whatever else internal desire we have. Marriage is about giving God glory and reflecting His love. I loved that you included this. Also, I agree that the shows we watch may not be blatantly screaming “sin” but there are scenes of immorality of some sort that ends up seeping in our spiritual pores and leaves stains that we aren’t reality aware of. To answer your comment question though, the Lord has asked me to give up Netflix, TvShows…the works for 1 year. At first, it felt like an odd request but the more I obeyed is the more I began understanding why. These things were robbing me of time I could use to serve my family, write, read etc. On top of that, I began to sense that Holy Spirit wanted to detox me and make me more aware of the subtle changes which I had began to accept where sin is concerned.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. ❤ ❤ He has shown me so much through media last year and this year. I still have Netflix but truthfully there is hardly anything I can watch on Netflix that's wholesome. You're right, media takes our time away amd when we become aware of it it is powerful to see what exactly it does! Thanks for sharing!

        Marriage and sex can be a sensitve topic for women. All the more reason why I feel like I should open up more about these topics. I see what God has shown me and if He is showing me this, surely there are others who need to see it, too. Or maybe they already are, but they feel in the minority.

        The Lord is good and righteous! He is amazing at pointing out the truth. ❤

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Amen beloved. Continue being the voice for us who are unable to formulate the needed thoughts as well as for others who are either afraid or unaware of the truth. Thank You, Lord for always pointing us to the Truth – Yourself 🙌🏽❤️.

        Liked by 3 people

      3. Precious, we did that once, and then we pulled the TV back out of storage, and at first we were shocked to learn all the things we had accepted before that we had been desensitized to. But, then we started watching TV again, and again we gradually became desensitized to so much. So, ten years later we gave up our TV altogether and have been without a TV now for 11 years, and it has made such a difference for me.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Wow Sue, 11 years. Hats off to you. I don’t believe you are away worst for wear at all. I’m hoping to be able to walk away altogether. It’s almost a month since the “big chop” and I confess I feel so much lighter. I have so much time on my hands to serve my family, read/write, soak in Holy Spirit, and yes, even rest. Thank you for confirming this choice of obedience is worth it, isn’t self-motivated and a complete blessing.

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Amen, Sue! Shame wanted me to back down and hide. But God knows the truth and I should never be ashamed of something He healed and casted as far as the east from the west!!! And because of Jesus I can tell the truth and share everything He has revealed. I’m so grateful for His love, patience, and what He did for me, so I too, can die to the flesh!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Amen, T.R.! This hymn is coming to mind: “I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore, very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more. But, the master of the sea heard my despairing cry. From the waters lifted me, now safe am I. Love lifted me… when nothing else could help, love lifted me…”

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Many people try to say that what they are doing is not sin because they don’t feel convicted. That can be true if it’s a personal preference issue like Christian music style, but if the Bible spells it out, it doesn’t matter how we “feel.” We may not be feeling convicted because we are not close to God! Hope that made sense.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Girl, you are saying what I feel! Conviction is not what people think it is. I think conviction gets used as a crutch. People determine when they “feel” convicted, but not when God is actually convicting. 😊 that’s what I meant by a stop sign is still there whether or not you see it. Absolutely, some conviction is selective! Like you said, maybe some people feel convicted to not listen to certain genres of Christian music. Maybe it is related to past sins and therefore God will lead them through conviction to give up more as ways of protection when that may not affect others. Completely agree with what you are saying!!!

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Hmm… Good food for thought, T.R.
    I actually just realized that lately (and semi-unintentionally), I have stopped watching TV shows which were not helpful for personal growth. This may very well have been brought on from one of your previous posts about the things we take in, how they affect us, and how we should be willing to give up temptations, that we may draw nearer to Christ. Apparently, I took it to heart without particularly intending to. And, I can even testify to noticing a difference (possibly because of this lack of sinful influences) in some of my thoughts. Hooray for small victories! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Praise the Lord Jesus, Emma!!! I’m so grateful my posts spoke to you and God used it to speak to your heart. He is so loving and caring!! ❤ This is an answered prayer. I've been praying He would speak to others and so thankful He is! Praise the Lord!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I’m so glad to play a part in this encouragement!
        Seriously! — Jesus be praised!! He is sovereignly working out His good providence for our benefit and His glory.
        Keep writing to boldly declare the Gospel and truth in God’s Word! 💜

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Absolutely powerful message! God’s amazing journey and process of “all things becoming new!”

    “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation…2 Corinthians 5:17-18

    It’s also amazing how the Lord uses His Spirit and His word to reveal and peel off the layers of sin..

    “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account…Hebrews 4:12-13

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I certainly remember my struggles with fornication, but I also remember when it wasn’t a struggle, it was a blatant choice. I remember the Lord speaking to me one day saying, if you open that door again, you won’t be able to close it, you’ll be overtaken. I knew deep inside that I didn’t want that, so I left it alone. No longer was I just making that decision to “do it,” I was now fighting and it was a struggle. But wait a minute, something else eventually took its place, self pleasure. I remember justifying it and reasoning to myself that it wasn’t bad or as bad, but the Lord began dealing with me and revealing that it was. It was a real struggle after having been married and then singly mingling, but God was all over me. I began really looking to the Lord for strength…..AND HE SHOWED UP AND OUT!

    I THANK GOD FOR THIS STRUGGLE..Yep I said that!! This struggle helped me to fully grasp the power of God working in my life, in all of our lives, through 1 Corinthians 10:13, because as long as we’re breathing we’ll be faced with some form of temptation, but when it comes, the Lord’s right there both watching and helping us overcome…

    “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it….1 Corinthians 10:13

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The closer we desire Him the more He reveals. He shows us where lines are drawn and we cannot grow closer if we are holding onto both the flesh and Him. It does not work that way. I’m grateful for everything He has taught me. I know my past and pain is forgiven, done with, through Jesus! He is glorified and He can use this to be glorified in reaching others! Precious Jesus, King of kings! He overcomes and through Him we overcome! Praise His name! I’m glad He has been moving mountains in your life and marriage!

      Liked by 2 people

    1. I would definitely recommend looking into resources that cover this more in deprh as I do not have the best of knowledge on this. But open communication is key. Be honest. Seek the Lord’s guidance in prayer before bringing it up. Make sure she knows what points she wants to share. Listen. Be ready to examine herself first before exmaining her husband. Is she completely blameless or has she used her husband lustfully as well?

      I hope this is helpful 😊

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I am! I think Christians forget being a new creation will continue to be a progression until the day we die. We will always be giving things up to the Lord and being renewed in Him. As He draws us closer He shows us what we have to give up if we want Him, truly

      There were certain influences I couldn’t cut off from media until this sin was taken care of. Being free opened my eyes to so many things because my spirit was more sensitive and in tune with His. He is good 😊 thank you for your encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post sis. You have said it well. I do also think though as Christians we do get convictions when we are doing the wrong thing. But we silence and ignore those inner pricking we get. We know when we are doing what we shouldn’t do. We stop getting convictions when we stay in that wrong place for long.

    And yes! Marriage is no cure for lust. Jesus Christ is.

    Excellent post sis. Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Maybe I didn’t explain well. No one has the ability to change without the enabling of the Holy Spirit (who comes into our lives when we surrender to Christ). Change comes when we read the word which convinces and convicts us. Otherwise we can’t give up and surrender. I believe both go together. No one can change without the conviction which the Holy Spirit gives as we study The Word which then leads to my initial comment😊. I like how you described conviction as an awareness. We need to be aware of what we are doing wrong for us to change😊

        Liked by 1 person

  7. So funny, I thought that when I got married and I could have sex freely, all the sin and temptation would go away. But it only got worse, because then I was not only sinning against God, but now my husband as well. Things became more secretive and shameful. It’s hard when both you and your husband deeply struggle with these things. That brings in the anger and questioning your value. It’s a recipe for disaster. We are trying so hard to fight it together and become more like Christ and we know he is the only way. I know that someday we will have a testimony about how we’ve overcome it and share to help others. I’m feeling so encouraged and reminded to put on the full armor of God and flee from sexual temptations in ALL forms. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony, because that is how we will overcome, along with the sacrifice Jesus made for us! Blessings to you.💗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen!!! Cutting off all forms of the flesh, even what may appear harmless, helped so much because the focus went from self to Christ, and if we honor Christ, we are automatically honoring our husbands. Working as a team that makes it so much better!! I’m so grateful this was an encouragement to you!!

      Liked by 1 person

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