Sin made me ashamed. It made me want to run. If you had told me one day I would write about it I would be afraid. But now, I know God has received glory because I chose Him over my sin.
PARENTAL WARNING: I highly encourage you to go over the post first. I do talk about topics that can be uncomfortable.
Sexual sin is often one of the most common sins our world struggles with, and Christians are not exempt. We live in a world that is often about me, me, me, and sexual sin or sexual pleasure (of any kind) is all about pleasing the flesh.
-looking at someone with sexual desire, undressing them, thinking desiring thoughts, observing their body, etc.
-Sexual fantasy, pleasing one own’s body sexually, often engaging with lust as well, especially through porn or visual aid of some kind.
- Treating A Partner Like An Object To Feed Sexual Needs
-Having sex whenever one desires, not caring about (or fulfilling) the needs of the spouse, but only self. Sexual intimacy between husband and wife is not loving, but lustful.
Lust In Marriage Focuses On Self
Marriage is not safe from this. We are told in scripture the husband’s body is not his own, but his wife’s and that the wife’s body is not her own, but her husband’s. (1 Corinthians 7:04) HOWEVER, that does not mean we should ever use our spouse purely for our own sexual needs.
It’s degrading. It is not so much about being one anymore but about pleasing oneself. Unity is togetherness, this applies in sexual intimacy of a marriage as well.
I’ve talked about this a little bit last year.
Both women and men need to be godly about intimacy in a marriage, period. I understand people are not always going to be where they need to be, but we should be accountable to this and aim for godliness, in all things.
If You Are Having Sex Outside A Marriage You Can’t Achieve Godliness
There’s no way.
Marriage is a promise you make to God and to your spouse. Being accountable in front of the community. Without this outward promise of unity and being one, the commitment to stay together is not there. The commitment to accountability is not there. Living together does not matter.
As a Christian, you need to understand, marriage is like asking God to be the head of the household. It’s like inviting Him into your relationship, for both of you. Even if you both are proclaimed Christians, but having sex outside of marriage, the unity with the Lord is not with the both of you, but it is separate.
I’m not saying you’re branded for life with a scarlet letter if you’ve made mistakes. Repentance in Christ washes away sin, but that means we are to TURN AWAY from the sin. I’m speaking as someone who was not a virgin on her wedding day. And if people who know me now want to judge me almost six years later in marriage go ahead. I can’t hide behind my sin. I’m done with the past.
We like doing that, don’t we? Hide behind sin. Shamefully, I cared more about what people thought and the judgments they would make on me than God. That’s the truth.
When I got married, I didn’t have to hide behind one sin, but I still had others that followed.
Marriage should never be an answer to sex. God is our answer and our way to righteousness. I had a relationship with Christ, and I grew very much in Him, but it was flawed.
We Won’t Be Given Anything We Can’t Handle (In Temptation)
Scripture says God will not give us anything we can’t handle ONLY in regards to temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). Get that right in your mind because the world teaches a false lie otherwise. We will go through hard things in life we can’t handle. That’s the truth. But guess what, TEMPTATION CAN BE HANDLED THROUGH CHRIST!
Here is where I was:
- I was watching shows with sexual themes, jokes, or encouraged lust.
- Even though I did listen to Christian music, a lot of my favorite music was sexual, all about being in control of a man, being pleased the way I desired, etc.
- One book series, Twilight, I was into. It’s a lustful series. It’s about fantasy. There were brief sex scenes in it, and it doesn’t matter they were married. I do not need to read about it.
I gave Twilight up not because it was an ungodly series, but because of how sentences were structured. I still had my music and I still had my shows. Yet, I’m trying to turn to Christ holding these things in my arms, but not giving them to Him.
Lord, why won’t You help me…why must I struggle like this? I want to turn to You and please You.
DO YOU REALLY?
We Don’t Always Need Conviction We Need Scripture
This is why I say on my blog that conviction is not always what we think it is.
A stop sign is still there whether we see it or not.
Scripture is clear on what is godly. Scripture is clear on sexual immorality. Do I need more conviction to give up things spelled out in the Bible that are wrong? No.
Show me, Lord, give me a sign if this is wrong. Read scripture and admit what it says.
At some point, the Lord revealed I was uncovering the nakedness of others. There is no way you can say this without feeling dirty and creepy. Things I didn’t think were porn, I realized, were. If I wasn’t uncovering it myself, then I was being encouraged to through my media.
I don’t want my husband to desire me lustfully. Do you hear me? Lust dies. It gets replaced. It’s fleeting. It has it’s high moment and then it is gone. It is a broken cup that never gets filled. Women, hear me, if we are aiming to fill lustful needs they will NEVER be met.
Once the Lord revealed to this to me, I realized how much I wanted to serve Him and my husband properly. But simply desiring to deny my flesh it was not enough. I said goodbye to a lot of media.
I became more aware of what I was listening to and what I saw. If anything was stirring my body or mind, I had to say no. I would sometimes physically leave the living room after turning off the tv, and turn to Christ in worship. This is where my playlist of Christian music grew into numerous volumes. I would write for Him on my blogs when I barely had anyone. My intimacy which was focused on self turned over to Him.
In turn, because my focus was on Christ, naturally, my focus on my husband grew in a more godly way, too.
Then several months went by when I became aware my sins had stopped.
Unlike the past, I wasn’t waiting last minute when my flesh was overcoming me to seek God’s help. That’s why I wrote Post | When Temptation Breaks You | Why We Are Weak
It was not the moment my flesh was going to overtake me that I was tempted, but everything leading up to that moment.
I thought I didn’t have to give up tv shows, music, or anything else because “I wasn’t convicted,“ but I didn’t realize the connection all these things had to one particular sin.
Who are we to determine when God convicts and when He doesn’t. It’s all there in scripture. But I refused to look at scripture, what it was saying and apply it to every single thing I exposed myself to.
Temptation is a funny thing. We often look at the one sin we have, but we don’t acknowledge all of these other things of the world we hold onto.
We refuse to admit their influence on us. It’s as simple as this if it is not focused on God, it is of the world. If you want to defeat sin, you have to be willing to admit all influences around you, not just the actual act of sin.
You have to be willing to let go of everything that is not godly. To admit when our flesh is overcoming us, this includes anything that makes us focused on ourselves and how we feel. *We can acknowledge our emotions and thoughts, but we must go to God and scripture in knowing how to direct them.
Since then, God has shown me a lot and has further helped me give up more media and influence, replacing them with guidance on how to spend more time with Him. This one sin made me blind to so much, but through Christ, I see more clearly.
If you are looking for a handout from the world on what to avoid for your marriage, your walk with God, and your soul, you’re not going to get it. Everything goes.
And one day, it will all burn.
We need Christ, and we need Him now.
Has God been calling to you to give up influences and sin?
Monthly Scripture – (NKJ) Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me,” says the Lord.
Community Prayer Requests | June– Join us in requesting prayer, praying for each other and lifting each other up.