Enduring Temptation, Giving Up What We Hold Onto | My Story Of Sexual Sin

Update: 07/01/2022

Sin made me ashamed. It made me want to run. If you had told me one day I would write about it I would be afraid. But now, I know God has received glory because I chose Him over my sin.

PARENTAL WARNING:  I highly encourage you to go over the post first. I do talk about topics that can be uncomfortable.

Sexual sin is often one of the most common sins our world struggles with, and Christians are not exempt. We live in a world that is often about me, me, me, and sexual sin or sexual pleasure (of any kind) is all about pleasing the flesh.

• Lust

-looking at someone with sexual desire, undressing them, thinking desiring thoughts, observing their body, etc.

• Self-pleasure

-Sexual fantasy, pleasing one own’s body sexually, often engaging with lust as well, especially through porn or visual aid of some kind.

• Treating A Partner Like An Object To Feed Sexual Needs 

-Having sex whenever one desires, not caring about (or fulfilling) the needs of the spouse, but only self. Sexual intimacy between husband and wife is not loving, but lustful.

Lust In Marriage Focuses On Self

Marriage is not safe from this. We are told in scripture the husband’s body is not his own, but his wife’s and that the wife’s body is not her own, but her husband’s. (1 Corinthians 7:04) HOWEVER, that does not mean we should ever use our spouse purely for our own sexual needs.

It’s degrading. It is not so much about being one anymore but about pleasing oneself. Unity is togetherness, this applies in sexual intimacy of a marriage as well.

Both women and men need to be godly about intimacy in a marriage, period. I understand people are not always going to be where they need to be, but we should be accountable to this and aim for godliness, in all things.

If You Are Having Sex Outside A Marriage You Can’t Achieve Godliness 

There’s no way.

Marriage is a promise you make to God and to your spouse. Being accountable in front of the community. Without this outward (and inward) promise of unity and being one, the commitment to stay together is not there. The commitment to accountability is not there. Living together does not matter.

As a Christian, you need to understand, marriage is asking God to be the head of the household. It’s inviting Him into your relationship, for both of you. Even if you both are proclaimed Christians, but having sex outside of marriage, the unity with the Lord is not with the both of you, but it is separate. 

I’m not saying you’re branded for life with a scarlet letter, if you’ve made mistakes. Repentance in Christ washes away sin, but that means we are to TURN AWAY from the sin. I’m speaking as someone who was not a virgin on her wedding day. And if people who know me now want to judge me almost six years later in marriage go ahead. I can’t hide behind my sin. I’m done with the past. What I did was shameful because I went against my King Who died for me and conquered my bondage. But during that time I was in bondage to sin, truly.

We like doing that, don’t we? Hide behind sin. Shamefully, I cared more about what people thought and the judgments they would make on me than God. That’s the truth.

When I got married, I didn’t have to hide behind one sin, but I still had others that followed.

Marriage should never be an answer to sex. God is our answer and our way to righteousness. I believed I had a relationship with Christ, and I thought I grew very much in Him, but it was flawed. A major reason also related to the fact I didn’t know the Gospel well. See: I Didn’t Always Understand The Gospel Well | My Plea To Pastors

We Won’t Be Given Anything We Can’t Handle (In Temptation)

Scripture says God will not give us anything we can’t handle ONLY in regards to temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). Get that right in your mind because the world teaches a false lie otherwise. We will go through hard things in life we can’t handle. That’s the truth. But guess what, TEMPTATION CAN BE HANDLED THROUGH CHRIST! Through the Holy Spirit Who points us to sin, righteousness, and the judgment to come (John 16:08). The Holy Spirit points us back to the Gospel, the truth of Jesus. 

Here is where I was: 

• I was watching shows with sexual themes, jokes, or encouraged lust.
• Even though I did listen to Christian music, a lot of my favorite music was sexual, all about being in control of a man, being pleased the way I desired, etc.
• One book series, Twilight, I was into. It’s a lustful series. It’s about fantasy. There were brief sex scenes in it, and it doesn’t matter they were married. I do not need to read about it. 

I originally gave Twilight up not because it was an ungodly series (which was my first red flag), but because of how sentences were structured. I still had my music and I still had my shows. Yet, I’m trying to turn to Christ and trust Him AND while holding these parts of sin in my arms, but not repenting from them, seeking Christ’s forgiveness, and leaving these sins nailed to the cross. 

Lord, why won’t You help me…why must I struggle like this? I want to turn to You and please You.

DO YOU REALLY?

We Don’t Always Need To “Feel” Conviction – We Need Scripture

This is why I say on my blog that conviction is not always what we think it is.

A stop sign is still there whether we see it or not.

Scripture is clear on what is godly. Scripture is clear on sexual immorality. Do I need more conviction to give up things spelled out in the Bible that are wrong? No. What I’m saying is the signs of DO NOT DO THIS IT’S SINFUL is already there a lot of the time. 

Show me, Lord, give me a sign, if this is wrong. Read scripture and admit what it says. The sign is called the word of God, and He’s clear. 2 Timothy 3:16-17. 

At some point, the Lord revealed through ministering in His word that I was uncovering the nakedness of others. There is no way you can say this without feeling dirty and creepy. Things I didn’t think were porn, I realized, were. If I wasn’t uncovering it myself, then I was being encouraged to through my media.

I don’t want my husband to desire me lustfully. Do you hear me? Lust dies. It gets replaced. It’s fleeting. It has it’s high moment and then it is gone. It is a broken cup that never gets filled. Women, hear me, if we are aiming to fill lustful needs they will NEVER be met. Lust is like a drug. Godly love isn’t like lust, it surpasses lust. It’s holy and trustworthy. Godly love does not leave you feeling empty. 

Once the Lord revealed to this to me, I realized how much I wanted to serve Him and my husband properly. But simply desiring to deny my flesh it was not enough. I said goodbye to a lot of media because the Holy Spirit, who points out what sin does through God’s word, opened my eyes to the trash I was exposing myself to. I was desensitized.

I became more aware of what I was listening to and what I saw. If anything was stirring my body or mind, I had to say no. I would sometimes physically leave the living room after turning off the tv, and turn to Christ in worship. My intimacy which was originally focused on self turned over to Him. Again, this was only through the help of the Holy Spirit Who directs us to Jesus Christ.

In turn, because my focus was on Christ, naturally, my focus on my husband grew in a more godly way, too. This is not of my own will or power. God intervened and helped me because He opened my eyes, and He softened my hardened heart from the deception of sin I was in. 

Then several months went by when I became aware my sins in this area had stopped.

Unlike the past, I wasn’t waiting last minute when my flesh was overcoming me to seek God’s help. That’s why I wrote Post | When Temptation Breaks You | Why We Are Weak 

It was not the moment my flesh was going to overtake me that I was tempted, but everything leading up to that moment. The Lord revealed my weakness. 

I thought I didn’t have to give up tv shows, music, or anything else because “I wasn’t convicted,“ but I didn’t realize the connection all these things had to one particular sin.

Who are we to determine when God convicts and when He doesn’t. It’s all there in scripture. But I refused to look at scripture, what it was saying and apply it to every single thing I exposed myself to. We can’t expect to “feel conviction” when we aren’t turning to His word that convicts and sanctifies. 

Temptation is a funny thing. We often look at the one sin we have, but we don’t acknowledge all of these other things of the world we hold onto, which anchor our sin.

We refuse to admit their influence on us. It’s as simple as this- if something is not focused on God, it is of the world.  If you want to defeat sin, you have to be willing to admit all influences around you, not just the actual act of sin. You have to admit YOU CANNOT DEFEAT SIN ON YOUR OWN. You need the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. You need the Holy Spirit to dwell within you through Jesus. 

Only then will you be able and willing to let go of everything that is not godly. To admit when our flesh is overcoming us, this includes anything that makes us focused on ourselves and how we feel. *We can acknowledge our emotions and thoughts, but we must go to God and scripture in knowing how to direct them.

Since then, God has shown me a lot and has further helped me give up more media and influence, replacing them with guidance from His word on how to spend more time with Him. This one sin made me blind to so much, but through Christ, I see more clearly. 

If you are looking for a handout from the world on what to avoid for your marriage, your walk with God, and your soul, you’re not going to get it. Everything goes.

And one day, it will all burn. 

We need Christ, and we need Him now.

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Has God been calling to you to give up influences and sin?

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