We see what we don’t have, we forget what we DO have…My heart pours out for those single and hurting. The world is a liar! I wrote this for you, and I hope something speaks to you in encouragement.
Dear Single Christian Girl,
I fear perhaps you may feel separated. Misunderstood. People forget the shoes you walk when they are married. But there is something I hope to encourage you with as a married woman. Something we both have in common, believe it or not.
You are already a bride.
You are a bride to the most precious Groom anyone could ask for.
Maybe you already are aware, but struggle, desiring a husband of your own.
But dear sister, a husband, of any kind, is nothing compared to your Groom!
A boyfriend is nothing compared to the Groom you already have awaiting you!
Dating and marriage cannot fill holes despite the world’s lie. One person is not enough to fulfill us day to day. All men will fail you, whether a boyfriend or husband. Companionship may ease the ache of loneliness, but it does not take it away completely. Trust me, the sparks or butterflies will not be enough. They will fade. They may reappear from time to time…but they do not save you from despair, frustration, worries, or pain.
This world constantly seeks a “spark” to last, and the flesh will always fail them. Why do you think people are so bitter and unhappy with relationships these days? They seek fulfillment in others, in sex, in the world.
I’ve heard the single woman, “If only I was dating.” I’ve heard the dating woman, “If only I was married.” I’ve heard the married woman, “If only I had children.”
Always seeking more out of others. Always desiring more than what others can provide. Dating is not the answer. Marriage is not the answer. Children are not the answer. Not a house. Not the “perfect” job. Not a garden in the back with flowing white curtains in the kitchen.
You see, as much as we think others will fulfill us, we forget the other side. Others will need us to help with their mental, emotional, and physical needs. What others give us, we turn around and give ourselves to them. Relationships do not cater to us, do not believe this lie.
Boyfriends, husbands, children all are human. All are flawed. You will bear with them against their insecurities. When you’re already broken and they push you to your limits because like you, they have limits, too. Validation. Understanding.
In fact, you may very well find it was not what you “dreamed” it would be like, as so many do. The books you read didn’t discuss the constant insecurity you were already dealing with, now, harder to deal with in a relationship. The movies you’ve seen didn’t show you the depth of heartache in changing states and saying goodbye to everything you knew because of your husband’s job. The “perfect couples” you observed from afar didn’t show the flaws of arguments, misunderstandings, or potential nights you cry yourself to sleep.
No one is perfect. Whatever struggles we have being single, we walk in a relationship with, too. In fact, more issues may come out of a relationship than what we expected. Often, this is the case.
If we are dealing with certain sins or struggles, they are still there, boyfriend or not. If we do not have the right walk with Christ, and serving Him first, it will be hard to stay in a godly relationship, period. Some want a boyfriend, waiting for a godly man is difficult.
Precious sister of our Lord and Savior, you have something fellow Christian wives do not. You have something, in fact, some may be envious of. You do not have the priority of your husband. You do not have to worry or be concerned with his needs. You don’t have to compromise because of marriage. You don’t have to step down because of your husband and submit, which many fellow sisters in Christ struggle with.
The time is NOW! The only One you really need to serve is Christ. The only One to truly submit to is Jesus.
You can surround yourself in the truth of Christ. Partake in His bread and His time without dividing time between Jesus and your husband. Your Groom is here, and it is through Him He will prepare you for marriage. Through Him, He can help you be prepared for godly dating leading into a godly marriage. But understand, those who do not find a husband are not a spinster in God’s eyes!
Those who have husbands have given themselves to their husbands and they have become one. How precious are those who have devoted themselves solely to the Lord! How incredible and how special is this bond with the Lord you have!
Those who are single are very precious because they can devote time to Him that wives cannot! They can be used in ways, wives cannot!
Callings are different for everyone and unique to their circumstances. God loves us that much and His glory will reach the depths of the earth. He will use us in all sorts of ways! He knows our limits. He knows those who can do things others cannot.
Being single, the Lord can use you in ways and give you opportunities that won’t hinder you like it would a wife. There are immense blessings in being single. You may not be aware but you are spared heartache that CAN and DOES come from marriage.
Jesus fulfills all longing. Jesus provides in ways no earthly man possibly could. He loves you with NO flaws in Himself! He understands you completely, deeper than the godliest man, aside from Christ Himself, ever could! Your fulfillment is in Christ. Your purpose is in our Redeemer!
The world seeks others to fill us, of course, they refuse to look at Christ. How different would our perception be if we looked at those with a walk with Christ, and only a walk with Christ? The world will focus on how Adam was given Eve as a helper.
(NIV) Genesis 2:18, “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
God may have indeed walked with Adam, but Adam did not have the Holy Spirit.
JESUS GAVE US THE HOLY SPIRIT AS A HELPER!
(ESV) John 14:26, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”
(NIV) Hebrews 13:06, “So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”
Jesus did something so incredible and loving for you no one could ever replicate or compare to! He died for you! He resurrected for you! For God so loved us, we have been given Jesus, because man was NOT enough!
Sister, find strength and assurance in the arms of your Savior! He dearly loves you TO YOUR CORE! To the most inner courts of your spirit, places no husband could venture. CHRIST CAN! He is our all in all for a reason.
In my most despairing moments and struggles, despite my husband’s best efforts, it was never him who could soothe me completely, but Jesus. What he can provide in moments because of his limitation, Christ provides now through eternity. He never falters. He never gives up. He has NO limitations.
Your heartache. Your loneliness. Your despair, fear, worries, NOTHING goes past His outstretched arms.
Sister, you are loved dearly by your Groom.
May you feel His heart and love pour out and overwhelm your soul with gladness and joy. May you remember every tear does not go unnoticed. No matter how far you hide. He awaits you.
~ T. R. Noble