I realize that I do not always talk about myself on my blog. I will sprinkle in snippets or pieces of experiences but I do not really go over them. I have many experiences in my life that I can use to point to Jesus, and I want to. I hope by sharing these stories you can see His hand in my life, and how far along I’ve come.
When I was younger, I grew up believing in the sinner’s prayer. If you have been around my blog, you will know I do not believe in the sinner’s prayer like I used to.
I don’t think I fully realized repentance as a child, even though when I was a teen, up to most of my 20s I thought I did…
In 2016, one of the first posts I wrote talked about how I gave my life to Jesus as a child, at age four. I remember this day. Summer, beautiful outside, I was by my swing set and I “gave my life to Christ.” I rushed into the house and told my mom who was washing dishes.
Now, while I truly believe something started that day, I don’t believe I knew what I thought I once did.
I Didn’t Repent Like I Thought
Having an enormous imagination, which apparently is common for kids, I did exaggerate and lie. In fact, in elementary, I once lied to my childhood best friend that I told my entire neighborhood this “secret word” she came up with for our club. I didn’t, but I was curious to see what her reaction would be.
She got upset. But then I can’t remember exactly why, but when two random girls walked past us I just blurted out, “THE PASSWORD IS RUBBER!” (Proverbs 22:24)
Well, my poor friend got so infuriated she grabbed my shirt by the neck (by the way, she is a really sweet girl and by no means violent) and attempted to push me on the blacktop.
This was between ages 6 to 9 years old. I knew that lying was wrong, but it was fun..and sometimes got me out of trouble. During that time, not understanding true repentance, if I “felt” I needed to reconnect with God I would just kinda go over the sinner’s prayer again. But I think just by me lying continuously showed I didn’t really grasp what it meant to follow Jesus.
I Didn’t Know What I Thought I Did
I had head knowledge. I was in Bible Quizzing. I knew the Sunday School stories and Bible School stories. Jonah. Noah. Jesus. Moses. Solomon. David. Etc. Etc. Etc. You know the list. I sang children’s songs. “I’m in the Lord’s Army, YES SIR!” But I didn’t fully connect the dots. That took time.
When I was a teen, and in most of my 20s, I thought it was cool I “gave my life to Christ” at age 4. I thought that showed and validated how far I had come with Christ. But you know what…numbers mean nothing. Experience means nothing. Christ is everything. Growth and sanctification matter, not the amount of time it took between the two! Saying that I’ve been “saved” for over 20 years means nothing to me now… why…because I wasn’t growing every single day. Numbers DO NOT MATTER ONLY JESUS!
I used to think Heaven was a hospital with gigantic band-aids. I’d sit on my swing set and think about Heaven and Hell. I remember thoughts of…well, I can live my life and then right before I die I can ask Jesus to forgive me and He will. (Hold up, didn’t I say the sinner’s prayer…) These were thoughts I had as a kid, thoughts adults have now about being “saved.”
There were additional thoughts, too… ones I’m not proud of. Ones I don’t think I’ve shared with anyone up until now.
If I felt someone was particularly mean to me or hurtful, I’d wish for them to go to Hell just so they would “understand how I felt.”
God forgive me! I gave those thoughts over to Christ a couple years ago when the memory came to mind. I truly had no idea what Hell was like or meant as a kid. I didn’t understand the depth of eternal punishment and torture.
I understand now. We should never wish anyone to go to Hell. NO ONE!
When I turned 10, I made the decision to stop lying. I remember telling my childhood best friend and she was relieved but understandably skeptical. Then one day, she meant to do good by telling the class how I used to lie all the time…but then changed. I was mortified, embarrassed and cried about it. xD My past sin revealed…
But hey, our actions have consequences. This is part of life.
And God can use anything for His glory and testimony.
What is something you misunderstand about Jesus as a child?
Would you be interested in hearing more stories like this?
Monthly Scripture- (NKJ) Psalm 85:03, “You have taken away all Your wrath; You have turned from the fierceness of Your anger.”
Second Blog: Peeking Beneath