Life Application (Bible To Life) · My Life

Hidden Pride (My Struggle With Validation)

Edited: March 2nd, 2021

Validation. It’s a struggle I’ve had since a preteen. When I had little self-esteem in myself feeling validated felt REALLY good. Praise. Admiration. You name it.

Pride & Humility

Unfortunately feeling validated doesn’t give us self-esteem or confidence. We are always going to want more. As I slowly began to gain my self-esteem back and some confidence in my early 20s I still sought validation more than ever.

Just recently, I’ve seen how self-validation, though not always, often leads to pride. It’s a hidden cloak of flattery. An ego boost. Being validated, for me, was more focused on myself than Jesus.

Even scripture knows pride and humility can’t mix together.

(NIV) Proverbs 11:02, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

Disgrace is similar to shame and corruption. Pride certainly corrupts us from the inside out.


Hidden Sin

I’ve heard multiple times how we should pray that God reveals secret sin, as our heart (which stores good or evil) can be deceiving to us. We don’t always realize what we are storing inside. We don’t always see that what we think is “treasure” is trash. I finally decided I needed to get back on track with this… and suddenly received clarity in all these secret ways my pride seeps out of me.

It’s not obvious, at first, but now it’s loud and clear.

  • I’ll say things repeatedly that pat myself on the back. Or mention how I made a good choice…  repeatedly. Often, I do have a secret hope people agree and praise me. I’ll bring things up from months ago… sigh. 
  • I’ll struggle when I feel “corrected” by someone. Like how dare people make an assumption I’m not aware of x, y, z and then share information (kindly) as if I don’t know. I realize this is purely my flesh’s reaction and most often people have kind intentions.
  • I’ll look for things that validate what I’m doing. (This used to be an issue with blogging stats especially in the past.)   
  • I’ll pose questions or statements that after they are said, secretly, I hope validation comes out of them. 

All of these are tied to pride for me because if it goes against what I’m expecting (selfish pride, vanity) I struggle or become disappointed, even if slightly disappointed that’s no reason to harbor pride! These aren’t major moments or issues on the outside, but internally I have to admit they are. These seeds can easily take root. For anyone who has tried to pull weeds before it’s a rough process.

Our hearts truly can treasure deceptive weeds that look like beautiful flowers.

(NIV) Matthew 15:19, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”

(ESV) James 1:26, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.”

Not only, as this scripture points out, should our tongue be controlled, but every other part of us.

Overcome With Christ 

There are sins that only the Holy Spirit can reveal to us through Jesus Christ. This is why we must have a relationship with Him and pray often to Him. We must be humble enough to realize that, no, we cannot fight these issues on our own. We are sinners and Christ lived the perfect life, taking on humanity’s form, so He could die in our place on the cross. He took the wrath of God, what we deserve, as punishment on the cross. He died and resurrected. Through Christ alone, we can be redeemed. We need to repent of our sins and turn to Him. Christ imputes His righteousness to us. This is how we can be justified. 

(NLT) Galatians 5:07, “The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.”

Part of the fruit we receive from the Holy Spirit is self-control. Through the Comforter, we can reign over the flesh and die to it.

(NIV) Romans 8:13, “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”

No one is perfect. Sins we are able to repent from, through the help of Jesus, pave the way to the next obstacle. We must worship and pray often. Seek the assembly of other strong and true believers of Jesus Christ. You might have to get creative in meeting 🙂 but God knew even in a time of self-isolation this would happen, there are opportunities. We can edify, encourage, and keep each other accountable.

Just like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress we, too, can continue to walk forward and let go of this world. But we must be willing and humble. We must cling to Jesus and His word.

(NIV) Proverbs 14:12, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”

True validation is found in Christ, and it is always enough.


What is something God revealed to you that you struggled with? How did He help you?

Monthly Scripture- (NKJ) Psalm 85:03, “You have taken away all Your wrath; You have turned from the fierceness of Your anger.” 

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8 thoughts on “Hidden Pride (My Struggle With Validation)

  1. T. R., Thank you for your honesty. And, thank you for your willingness to admit that to your readers, and to your fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord.

    Personally, I believe that if we are allowing the Lord to direct our steps, and if we are allowing him to give us His messages, and to be His messengers, that removes the need or desire for validation from other humans. Because then we realize that what we are writing isn’t from us, but from Him, so all the glory goes to him and not to ourselves. Thus, we have to be ok with no likes and no comments, and with just knowing we are doing what God has called us to do and that he is using it for his purposes and for his glory in ways we may not even be aware. Our job is just to write what he gives us or what he teaches us from his word and then to put it out there for people to read it, but God takes it where he wants it to go, and he uses it for his purposes, which, again, we may not even be aware of in this life. And, then it isn’t about us, but it is about HIM.

    Well, I hope this encourages your heart. For truly, when we make it about him and not about us, then validation should not be an issue.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree and my struggle with blogging has changed so much in past couple of years because the focus has been on Christ’s glory. There are posts He has used to minister to me and you’re right He truly needs to be the hand of our writing. We can’t take the credit nohow.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Amen! Thank you, T. R., as always, for your kind and gracious response. Yes, what we do must be for the glory of God and not for our own glory. No credit to us. Amen!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ahh…validation. It’s like a feeling that you are important or worthy enough. One of my biggest struggles in life is validation. I seek it out in almost everything, and I struggle mostly with finding it within myself. I base feeling validated off how others perceive me, and the way I live my life instead of who I am in Christ. It easy for me to feel invalidated when I seek approval from anyone other than God. When we don’t see ourselves the way God sees us its easy to feel invalid because you will be quick to believe what others say about you—even what isn’t true or constructive.

    Thank you for your transparency. When I wrote my blog posts on this topic I wanted others to know they weren’t alone. It’s a contiguous struggle, it’s okay to struggle as long as you are striving….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The hope in Jesus is progression and growth and what a comfort we have in Him during these struggles! It is hard to not be focused on self, we were born with the curse of sin being focused on self. But Jesus conquered the flesh and we can, too! How incredible and powerful is He!

      I have to remind myself why I need to turn from the flesh and the conviction of Christ has been so benefical. Yes, I hope by sharing people realize we all have things in common with the flesh, but Chrisr can use it to refine us and help us give it to Him. Thanks for sharing your struggle as well! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Knowing we are pleasing to him should be enough, shouldn’t it? But sadly, it sometimes isn’t. I think we all struggle with really realizing our identity in him. Never fully grasping who he says we are – and therefore seek validation from others. Which is shaky, because people change. Only God and what he says about us don’t. May we really grab hold of that and cling to it!! Great post, T.R.!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We are to cling to what is good. To hold what is pure, righteous, and noble. I think feelings like fear, worry or insecurity shift our focus to self. Of course, in Psalms, we see David seek comfort from the Lord, which we can do, and should do. Despite his fears or situation, he kept his gaze on the King. May we follow ♥️💗

      Good point, people change! We can’t find our true hope in those who are not steady. Amen!

      💗😊 thank you, praise Jesus! Glad you liked the post!


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