Hidden Pride (My Struggle With Validation)

Edited: March 2nd, 2021

Validation. It’s a struggle I’ve had since a preteen. When I had little self-esteem in myself feeling validated felt REALLY good. Praise. Admiration. You name it.

Pride & Humility

Unfortunately feeling validated doesn’t give us self-esteem or confidence. We are always going to want more. As I slowly began to gain my self-esteem back and some confidence in my early 20s I still sought validation more than ever.

Just recently, I’ve seen how self-validation, though not always, often leads to pride. It’s a hidden cloak of flattery. An ego boost. Being validated, for me, was more focused on myself than Jesus.

Even scripture knows pride and humility can’t mix together.

(NIV) Proverbs 11:02, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

Disgrace is similar to shame and corruption. Pride certainly corrupts us from the inside out.

Hidden Sin

I’ve heard multiple times how we should pray that God reveals secret sin, as our heart (which stores good or evil) can be deceiving to us. We don’t always realize what we are storing inside. We don’t always see that what we think is “treasure” is trash. I finally decided I needed to get back on track with this… and suddenly received clarity in all these secret ways my pride seeps out of me.

It’s not obvious, at first, but now it’s loud and clear.

• I’ll say things repeatedly that pat myself on the back. Or mention how I made a good choice…  repeatedly. Often, I do have a secret hope people agree and praise me. I’ll bring things up from months ago… sigh. 
• I’ll struggle when I feel “corrected” by someone. Like how dare people make an assumption I’m not aware of x, y, z and then share information (kindly) as if I don’t know. I realize this is purely my flesh’s reaction and most often people have kind intentions.
• I’ll look for things that validate what I’m doing. (This used to be an issue with blogging stats especially in the past.)   
• I’ll pose questions or statements that after they are said, secretly, I hope validation comes out of them. 

All of these are tied to pride for me because if it goes against what I’m expecting (selfish pride, vanity) I struggle or become disappointed, even if slightly disappointed that’s no reason to harbor pride! These aren’t major moments or issues on the outside, but internally I have to admit they are. These seeds can easily take root. For anyone who has tried to pull weeds before it’s a rough process.

Our hearts truly can treasure deceptive weeds that look like beautiful flowers.

(NIV) Matthew 15:19, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”

(ESV) James 1:26, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.”

Not only, as this scripture points out, should our tongue be controlled, but every other part of us.

Overcome With Christ 

There are sins that only the Holy Spirit can reveal to us through Jesus Christ. This is why we must have a relationship with Him and pray often to Him. We must be humble enough to realize that, no, we cannot fight these issues on our own. We are sinners and Christ lived the perfect life, taking on humanity’s form, so He could die in our place on the cross. He took the wrath of God, what we deserve, as punishment on the cross. He died and resurrected. Through Christ alone, we can be redeemed. We need to repent of our sins and turn to Him. Christ imputes His righteousness to us. This is how we can be justified. 

(NLT) Galatians 5:07, “The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.”

Part of the fruit we receive from the Holy Spirit is self-control. Through the Comforter, we can reign over the flesh and die to it.

(NIV) Romans 8:13, “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”

No one is perfect. Sins we are able to repent from, through the help of Jesus, pave the way to the next obstacle. We must worship and pray often. Seek the assembly of other strong and true believers of Jesus Christ. You might have to get creative in meeting 🙂 but God knew even in a time of self-isolation this would happen, there are opportunities. We can edify, encourage, and keep each other accountable.

Just like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress we, too, can continue to walk forward and let go of this world. But we must be willing and humble. We must cling to Jesus and His word.

(NIV) Proverbs 14:12, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”

True validation is found in Christ, and it is always enough.

COMMENT BELOW:

What is something God revealed to you that you struggled with? How did He help you?

Monthly Scripture- (NKJ) Psalm 85:03, “You have taken away all Your wrath; You have turned from the fierceness of Your anger.” 

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