Where I Am Mentally & How You Can Pray For Me

I have been struggling these past few months when it comes to blogging. Originally, I thought it was burnout, but I think it might be something more.

From last fall to now, God has renewed and transformed my thinking on SO many things. I’ve changed my thoughts on particular mindsets I used to have, and some of those changes are pretty big. See post: Why I Took Down My Dream Posts & Series | Recant

It almost seems like at the pinnacle of my growth as a Christian, the desire I have on this blog dwindles drastically. The odd thing is I have SO MANY IDEAS and posts I want to write. But to get myself in the chair and face the computer is this weird begrudging battle.

To be honest, I have never had this issue with blogging before. I’ve been able to bounce right back in, but now, it seems so difficult.

I’ve considered taking a summer break, giving myself ample time to get ahead for fall. This might be something I consider a little later in the summer, but I know it is not the right option for this moment. Once I am IN the chair, and my fingertips at the keyboard, I’m able to write. It’s getting me there that’s the issue.

Mentally, I’ve been struggling with some fears and worries. 

Unanswered Prayer

As some of you know, since 2018 I have had the prayer request that my husband receive a co-op for his schooling. Some have even declared in the comments he would get a co-op. Well, God does answer prayers, but this answer seems to be “no.” That doesn’t mean at all, however, the Lord didn’t provide. He did.

My husband was very close to having a chance for a co-op, but then COVID happened. As it stands, it looks like the school has found a way for students to graduate without the co-op requirements. If I’m honest, I’ve struggled handing over my weak sense of self-control to God. I was hoping the co-op could be the right company, and that my husband would have a more secure job lined up when he graduates.

I’ve been tormented with thoughts wondering if I should get a job. I’ve received criticism in the past about getting a job to make money, none, mind you, from my husband. This accusation echoes in my ears that I must make money or I’m a failure, something I struggled with in 2018.

God has helped me a lot with blogging, and reaching people around the world. I believe He has used my writing as a ministry. I’ve met people from blogging. The Lord provided a sisterhood from blogging. Monetary value doesn’t change the amazing things He has done here. Yet, I am tempted to look down at it, when I struggle, because of no dollar signs. Please pray against this with me that my eyes are open to what He is doing. 

The truth is some of the old fears from 2017 when we transitioned from him getting out of the military and going to school are coming back. We are approaching another new milestone in our journey, and I’ve never been good with change. I’m not as fearful because repeatedly I have to remind myself of what the Lord has done for us. But the fear is still there.

Then I’m conflicted. 

Is it wrong to look at God’s provision the way I WANT IT to be? I want some financial security, yet, though it’s not what I desire (up to my imagined standard), however, He has certainly given us enough. He has truly always provided. Serving my husband as a housewife has been a blessing. I’ve been able to grow in ways I don’t think I could have.

I think of the sparrows, and how much more will the Father provide. I fully believe and have experienced the Father always providing, it just does not always look the way I want. Am I willing for it not to look the way I want? Am I willing to lose what I would desire? 

(NIV) Matthew 6:26, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

The answer as a Christian if I am willing is yes. My flesh struggles, but my spirit can rest in Him. Right now, I’m working on that, and it’s difficult. But who said God’s refinement was easy? Trials wouldn’t be trials if they weren’t difficult.

God giving Christians the desires of their hearts has NOTHING to do with getting what we always want. 

I know we can ask the Lord anything in prayer, and we need to have the assurance God will do what is best for His will, not our will. We also have the promise that even if something is not what we would want God will use it for our good.

(NIV) Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

Knowing and applying are two different things, and it’s an adjustment. 

Please pray for God’s direction in our lives as we go through this. I’ve seen the Lord minister to my husband in ways I have not experienced before. I’ve seen the Lord do so much good during this time to friends around me in very difficult situations. We must rest in His timing. We need to kneel at His feet.

Thank you.

(NIV) Matthew 6:27, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

Community Prayer for June 2020

Monthly Scripture – (NKJ) Psalm 85:07, “Show us Your mercy, Lord, and grant us Your salvation.”

Get To Know Me & My Blog
Believer Handbook
Second Blog: Peeking Beneath

Luke 11_39-40, _...so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy–full of greed and wickedness. Fools! Didn’t God make the inside as well as the outside_.png

 

 

 

 

35 thoughts on “Where I Am Mentally & How You Can Pray For Me

  1. T. R, I remember you were the first person I contacted when I started blogging and you really helped me and encouraged me. Of a truth your writing ministry has been a great blessing to many out there which I believe you may not know.

    I thank God for your life and for that of your family, and I pray for you that may the Lord meet you at the point of your need. May He do exceedingly and abundantly far beyond what you are hoping for. You will be T. R, we all love you so much but God does more❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand this dilemma very well. That is, the part about trusting God to provide, but then struggling with the fear of not having enough money to pay bills. It’s a real life dilemma! But I want to encourage you to keep trusting the Holy Spirit to guide you. I found that when I tried to find a job, God did NOT make it work out. Even when I went as far as getting a job, I never seemed to make any money! I’m not saying that God will do the same for you, but that he will guide you if you keep trusting him and constantly asking for his will to be done. His will could be for you to work, but let him show you the way. I’m sure this is weighing heavy on your heart and making it hard to blog. Praying for you! Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. After reading your blog today I got to thinking that maybe you’re to take more than the summer off. Maybe you’re to take an indefinite amount of time away to pray and ask for God’s guidance. Perhaps you are to stop blogging altogether. “There is a time and season for all things.” –just some thoughts that came to mind as I was contemplating your post. 💗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is a time and a season for all things. 😊😊 Definitely. Just today I sat down earlier than usual and the Lord helped me get the month of July halfway written with posts.

      I think what is being revealed is some habits need to change. Some I need to get better at and others I need to stop.

      There have been other struggles spiritually I’ve been dealing with and the Lord, I believe, is revealing His truth. Especially today. There might be a season I need to step aside, but what I am seeing currently is how I’ve fallen for the deception of the enemy.

      Prayer has been a struggle, feeling/fearing I wasn’t doing enough, and I recieved some refreshing insight that has helped lessen the burden I was struggling with.

      Thank you for caring. 😊

      Like

      1. Thank you 💗 I see the calling for the blog clearly, I was struggling getting myself to write. But I think Covid took a toll on my routine and I’ve been working on adjusting that.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Your blog spoke to me today in ways that surprised me. I was called to walk away from my job last October. Since then, God has called me to a place of rest. It has been a hard place for me at times, and at others, a really good place. I would like the financial security of having a job, but not if it means that I disobey my God. He is more important to me than money or control. I can write this very easily, but it does not mean that I can always live it out quite as easily. Truth be told, I have fears that plague me even today. So know this, you are not alone. God has called us out of the boat to come to Him. When we take our eyes off of Him and look at the storm, or life’s challenges around us, then we begin to sink. Thankfully, if we call out to Him, He will be there to help us out of the waves. Focus on Him and not the storms of life. He will sustain you with peace as you trust in Him.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen!! Yes, today I have been reminded God is always good. He provides. It might look different than what we expect, but our gaze is to be on Him. Amen, if we look elsewhere, we will sink.

      Like

  5. I will definitely pray for you! May the Lord give you clarity concerning His specific will for you and peace in the implementation – whatever it looks like.

    I can relate for sure. I often struggle with blogging for the same reason – no dollar signs. Also, slow growth in my corner, so it sometimes feels like a waste of time I could be using with my kids, people around me, etc. I’m praying about that right now…

    I did have to get a job for the first time in almost 19 years! Right now, I’m working at a company called Keto Bakes part time. I got another small writing job, but it’s a single booklet and will be over by August, and I’m learning to write code per my husband’s wish. It’s a lot, though! I can say my motivation is primarily to allow my girls to finish their junior and senior years of high school at their school. We just need a bit of help with tuition; hence, my job.

    Hang in there and I’ll be sure to pray for you. The Lord will show the way!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will be praying for you, too. Been praying for your migraines. Thanks for your prayers!!

      I was able to get a couple weeks ahead with posts this morning. Part of me wonders if I just need to keep walking forward and not believe accusations of the accuser. I am working on changing my routine as well, I think that might help.

      Trying times are difficult but it is true the Lord’s strength is perfect in weakness.

      Wow, code!!!! That’s not easy, but can be very useful.

      Amen, the Lord will show the way!!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve been praying for you, T.R. And, I’m going to share with you something I experienced today, for perhaps it will encourage you. We had our annual well visits today with our doctor. I am not under a doctor’s care for anything, so we just go once a year for our annual checkups. But, things are all different now, with the virus, and all. And, so I was nervous about going to the doctor.

    I really didn’t know what to expect, like what kinds of questions they would ask, or if they would try to force me into anything, for so much is changing, and we are being forced into doing things we would not normally do, right? I was nervous they might make me get checked for the virus, and that I might test positive, not because I am sick, for I am not, but because so many are tested positive who aren’t sick at all, and because I have allergies and sinus drainage, which I always have, and I didn’t know what they would ask.

    So, I was rehearsing in my mind what I might answer them if they asked this or that, and if they said this, what would I do, or if they said that, what would I do. And, then this song began playing in my mind, which is one of the ways God often speaks to me. And, it was one of the songs he gave me to write a long while ago.

    It is called “His Tender Mercies,” and it begins with “Fear not, I’m with you. Be not dismayed. God watches over you, trust him today. He will not leave you. Faithful he’ll be. His tender mercies now you will see.” Well, those were just the words I needed to hear, so I went to the doctor’s office, on faith, but even while we had to sit in the car and wait for our turn, I was feeling a little nervous, so I read Scriptures and encouraging words from other believers, and my heart was calmed within me.

    And none of the bad I imagined might happen happened at all. It all went fine. The Lord got me through it. So, I am sharing that with you to encourage you to trust the Lord, to fear not, and to just follow his lead. Listen to him speaking to your heart, spend much time in his Word, and let his word show you the way he has for you to go. He will direct your path. Love you much! Sue

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Sue for sharing that. 💗 I relate in often going through something I am afraid of and it’s not nearly as bad as I think. Our thoughts can be fearsome.

      Thank you for praying for me! Praying for you, too 😊😊😊 Proverbs 3:05-06

      Liked by 1 person

    1. God does not let us be tempted beyond what is common to man is where the phrase God doesn’t give us more than we can handle comes from. I think life is often more than what we can handle but yes, Paul shows us that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness and we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.

      Thank you for youe encouragement and prayers 😊😊

      Like

  7. T.R., I’ll keep you in my prayers. God is our ever-present help in every situation, and we can stand on that promise. At the moment, I’m currently at home – has been since April – but I continue to lean on Him despite not having a fixed financial income. He has provided for me in so many ways.

    Continue to fix your eyes upon Him. Fear not, for He is with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen, sister! Thank you so much for your encouragement!!! ❤ He truly is good in ALL situations, especially trials. His strength is made perfect in weakness. I'm learning what it means to sit at His feet and submit.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.