I meant to start today with prayer.
Read scripture before moving.
I desired to be thankful.
But the coffee was waiting.
I meant to read Your word.
Chew on what I read for hours, the verses.
While I did my chores, I could think.
But alas, my thoughts took different courses.
5 minutes I could devote.
Yes, that was pretty easy.
Most of the reading was about me, after all.
Not an in depth context commentary.
At Your sermon on the Mount
did people leave in 5 minutes?
Were Your words all about them
and life application, no repentance?
I tried to worship You today.
Yelled at my husband.
Ungrateful of what I had.
My shoulders feel heavy, and I’m sad.
I listened to a godly pastor.
She says You love me no matter what.
I didn’t know 1st and 2nd Timothy requirements.
She says to hear You outside of scripture, the Bible’s basically cut.
I listened to a godly pastor.
He says I need to feel You.
That I need to have experiences.
It’s my experience that proves my walk is true.
I’m really confused.
They sound like it’s about me.
They seem to use You
for entertainment, prosperity, and glee.
But my experiences aren’t like that.
I guess I need to try harder.
They claim it takes practice
I pray but my words do not seem to matter.
What’s atonement sacrifice?
Why is Jesus the High Priest?
Wait, Jesus is in the Old Testament?
Saints go through trials and persecutions do not cease?
The Lord’s prayer, do I sin daily?
What is my sinful nature in Romans?
Walking by the Spirit sounds legalistic.
Don’t judge me, we’re all fallen.
Wait, they say she is a false teacher
and he is, too?!
That I am believing all lies.
This hurts, but it makes sense. What’s true?
Am I struggling not because I can’t hear or feel You
but because I actually don’t know You?
Your word is before me, but isn’t preached.
I’m broken and thirsty. They feed lies and I hunger.
Fearful of my calling and purpose.
Your word says YOU are the answer, not me or success.
Edification of the body is my calling.
I was made for good works, which only come from the Spirit.
Hebrews and Romans would be helpful to me.
Types and shadows of Christ since Genesis.
Understanding we all are wretched, yet can be set free.
But I really don’t think I have time for this.
I like the teachers I’m warned against.
They are pleasant to listen to.
I have an emotional connection with them.
And they claim they hear and know You.
It’s exhausting to study.
I prefer easy life applications.
I meant to pray today.
Well, at least I have good intentions.
The process of someone learning the truth about scripture sadly is difficult in today’s world because we are saturated with false teachings. These teachings cater to our pride. Scripture is made to be focused on us and God’s love for us, but people do not have a firm understanding of the Gospel or that we have a sinful nature.
False teachers teach what is itching to the ears, but not nourishing to the soul. Many of us think there are godly men and women pastors out there, not knowing the deception being taught. (Speaking from experience.) We can feel really good about ourselves from their words, devotionals, and not be one inch closer to the truth of our Savior. Now, this isn’t to say false teachers are horrible people, but they are deceived, and deceiving others with their false teachings, that is what is horrible.
When we form emotional bonds with false teachers it’s hard to break away from them. Often it is much more desirable to not know which false teachings are out there. Knowing God’s word is how we rightly discern the words of false teachers, and then we run into another problem.
It’s time consuming to study scripture in depth, and much more easier to do quick devotionals or read random scripture without context. Even when others warn about false teachers, we might become upset or defensive, but because we lack proper discernment of scripture we cannot prove our point one way or the other. There are false accusations, for sure, but if we do not know scripture well, then we will not be able to tell the difference. We cannot use our experiences or feelings to determine who we think is “good” or not. (See Friday’s post for more information.)
I wrote this poem to showcase the struggle. We can all have the best of intentions but at the end of the day our best intentions mean absolutely nothing. We need Christ. We need His word. We need His guidance. We need Him every second. I will have two follow up posts on this to dive into the poem more on Thursday and Friday.
Monthly Scripture To Ponder/Memorize From Psalm 85 – (NKJ) Psalm 85:11, “Truth shall spring out of the earth, And righteousness shall look down from heaven.“
Community Prayer – October, 2020