Oh, how I long for the good days!
Frolicking in the meadows.
Where sunsets are always golden.
Air scented with lilac petals.
How I wish for lovely feelings
and no pain to come nearby.
Everything goes right around me.
There are no tears or heavy sighs.
A cotton candy life.
Yes, please, I am so fragile.
I cannot handle this life.
Please, let me remain docile.
I do not want the pain.
I do not want the sorrow.
Let me be free and happy.
Give me hope for these tomorrows.
I do not want the strength of Jesus.
I want to be strong on my own.
I do not want to grow through trials.
Let my porcelain heart be my home.
Don’t dirty my hands with heartache.
Or the comfort that comes from friends.
I’ll be a loner for my salvation.
This fragile joy in my hands.
What is this refinement and His glory?
That comes from only pain.
Forget the fear and sorrows.
I dance to heavenly rain.
Splash.
Colors spill from me.
Twirling and swirling.
Splat. Splat. Raindrops.
I’m disappearing!
Or… it’s not me.
But the fluff, the cotton candy.
My fragile heart is still here.
And it is me. I am hurting.
The loveliness, the beauty.
Of what I clung to dearly.
It’s fluff. It’s dissipating.
Sticky ugliness is singing.
“You can’t dance in the rain,
without the splash of cold.
But you’re obstinate you can do this.
Feel nothing, yet be bold.”
“But strength in you is weakness.
And it falls quickly apart.
You’ve kept yourself from Him.
And you cling to your broken heart.”
“So, paint the wishy-washy rainbows
And see how far they will get you.
You want achievement and glory,
but not the things that will prod you.”
“Man fell because he thought
he could do it on his own.
God wasn’t needed for counsel or help.
A cotton candy lie feed his soon groan.”
“Do you think HE didn’t feel this?
Do you think HE doesn’t understand?
Yet, you still cling to your weakness
and not the One who made man.”
“Why must you let the hardship fill you?
Why must you believe these lies?
That all He does is desire to hurt you.
Why is the accuser feeding your cries?”
“You act like He doesn’t care.
You think He is cold and off-putting.
You cling to this fantasy in darkness
because the truth you’re not seeing.”
“What you think is ugly
Christ has made beautiful.
What you think is only pain
Christ can heal most bountiful.”
“No, not always the way you desire.
You see, He uses pain.
To point out the ugliness in us.
The ugly we want to mask and gain.”
“Weeds that grow from seed
are harder to deal with when full grown.
Trials can be a way of strengthening
what the weeds want to overthrow.”
“Child, our Savior is the answer.
We never escape this truth.
We can shut eyes and ears to Him,
but doing this is uncouth.”
“The cotton candy life you desire
It’s just fluff and nonsense.
You want to remain in this bubble
of numbness that is dense.”
“This is a trap from the enemy.
And you, my dear, have walked into it.
You delight in the cage you’re in.
But its trap goes straight to the Pit.”
“An eternity from now,
should you follow this lie.
You would have wished for the hardship.
You would have desired Christ’s cry.”
“Out from the cross
where He died for you and me.
Imputing His righteousness to us.
All who have faith in Him are set.”
“An eternity from now
Your false beauty pales in what is to behold.
A unity of brothers and sisters.
A constant act of worship for the Savior unfolds.”
“No more tears.
No more loneliness .
A constant joy shrouding the deep
of past memories and burdens now sleep.”
“The joy of what we strive toward.
The hope of all tomorrows.
Is that Christ set us free
and today He still overcomes sorrow.”
“He holds us dear to Him.
His truth blankets our deepest pain.
We are not forgotten by Him.
Nothing we experience is in vain.”
“We can’t know comfort without sorrow.
We can’t know healing without hurt.
We can’t know a love shown to us
when it’s completely undeserved.”
“Unless the trial is there.
Unless the hardship follows.
Breaking our porcelain heart
to heal our broken sorrow.”
“There is strength and greatness in hardship.
For all who know Him dear.
Because when humility brings us to His feet
we know that He is near.”
“But if you choose the cotton candy.
Live in this web of lies and ink.
You’ll melt away in fear and brokenness.
You’ll swim in pain forever as you sink.”
“Dear one, please get to know the Savior.
Break the lies of your accuser.
Cling to what is good and true.
And you will find your Redeemer.”
“He will draw you out of the troubled waters.
He will renew your eyes and ears.
He will heal in a way not known before.
And you will know that He has always been here.”
My colors splatter and mingle.
My heart is broken and in pain.
Will I really go to the Savior
or choose to keep walking this path again?
Numbness does not bring healing.
Self-happiness goes only so far.
Yet, my cotton candy fantasy is attractive
though I’m still afraid of the dark.
Am I tangled in a web?
That keeps the lies at bay.
Is the cotton candy fooling me?
Is this why I am not okay?
Why can’t my strength be enough?
I shudder and look at my hands.
Smears of color run through.
Did I just see black or did I misunderstand?
There’s more to the story.
But as the sun comes out.
I’m going back to cotton candy.
…
I’m going to keep my doubt.
*****
It’s really easy to desire a life with no pain. But our human nature strives to believe we can do things on our own without God. We want to be a creation with no relationship to the Creator. We want to do things in our own selfish way. We think life would be better this way but it’s clear this just leads to more destruction.
We do not know best. We are not God. We are designed for a relationship with our Creator. We are made in HIS image. We are HIs creation. And we can choose to reject Him and there are consequences for that because everything that is considered good in this world is God’s. If we do not want God, then we throw out everything good. All that is left is the absence of good, which is pain and sorrow.
To learn more about what Jesus did on the cross and why His atonement sacrifice is so needed please see: Why Did A Loving God Kill His Son? (Does God Hate?)
If you do not know the Gospel, do not turn away. If you think you know the Gospel, check out these questions and see how prepared you are for the day someone might ask you why you believe: The Gospel Challenge (30 Question Quiz) – Are You Ready To Defend Your Faith?
Monthly Scripture To Memorize/Meditate On – (ESV) Romans 5:08, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Community Prayer – July ‘21
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What a great poem.
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