Season Of Trial In My Life

My husband was getting out of the military and we were in a different state, at the time, we had to figure out where to go from there.

So many factors went against us relating to time. We didn’t get paperwork back from a leader until the very last minute. We had to sign papers about when we would leave our townhouse, not knowing if the movers would arrive in time. 

I wrote about the experiences on this blog because I wanted to see mountains be moved. For those who have read the experiences, it was rocky and it was a trial. But I could always trust God was with me, I, at least, had that.

I just didn’t know what He would do or how He would pull through.

(NIV) 1 Corinthians 1:09, “God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Posts:

• Pt. 1- Prayer Left Me Exhausted But Relieved | My Life Update – Prayed Over House For God’s Assurance
• Pt. 2- God Will Use My Brokenness | Life Update– Days after prayer received panicking news
• Pt. 3 – Being Humbled To My Knees | Life Update– Remembering all the times God got me through before
• Pt. 4- God Has Answered Us | Life Update – God answering prayer ❤

Within a week of signing papers and not knowing what would happen, we received two calls within a span of five minutes one bright sunny morning.

My husband was accepted into college.

The movers could make it on time before we needed to leave. 

That was the first hurdle. However, the next hurdle would be harder than I would imagine.

Just yesterday as I was cleaning, I fished out a wad of paper from an old laptop case. Upon straightening it out, a list looked back at me. All the names of the various apartment places we looked at in 2017. The number of times either the rent was too high or nothing would be available until later. 

Immediately, I recalled the desperation I felt. The fear and the worry. We had looked at about 20 different places, and all denied us. It was draining. I knew and believed God would provide, but just knowing “when” was tough.

But He did, again.

However, my flesh was taking over my weakness. From June to August, those months were draining and filled with fear. In the back of mind, I awaited the question of, “What next?” Which is a very dangerous place to be. 

There was a numbness that overwhelmed me. I also had a lingering dread and worry knowing that with the number of bills we had, at some point, we would have more bills than the money we had in the bank.

I let my dread take over the months when we were provided for when there were NO problems.

2018 came and there were some months that were very tight.

People gave opinions and thoughts. Wondering why I wasn’t getting a job and “contributing”. I even had a blogger, who does not know me that well, reach out and “suggest” the same things.

I felt my spirit be torn apart. I was completely weak and uncertain. Last year, I started to question so much about my calling as a writer. God brought me to the point, I had to be okay that my writing MAY NOT MAKE MONEY! I had to give that to God because at the end of the day, money is not everything. God is. If I am faithful to Him, He says He will provide. (Phillippians 4:19)

Do you know how hard it is to walk in uncertainty against the world telling you how wrong you are? Feeling like I have to fill everyone else’s expectations of me except my own King and husband?

Here is what I can tell you. Not once in 2018 did my husband and I ever fight about money or jobs. NOT ONCE! Looking back now, that was God.

My husband supported me staying home because it was a comfort to him. Submitting to my husband is part of what it means to obey God. I’m grateful to be a housewife. God showed me, that though I was not making money, I have a ministry as a blogger, and that’s important to Him.

I give God glory by obeying Him and trusting Him, even when people judge me and tell me what I “should” do.  

God showed me my contributions and faithfulness was so much more than dollar signs. If people can’t see that, it’s not my burden to bear. God has helped me let go of so much.

Even though the months were tough, we did get by. God provided. Maybe not to the point I would fleshly desire, but He provided, again, nonetheless. In our toughest month, last year, I heard the song Do It Again by Elevation Worship, and I just felt God speak to me. The times He’s moved the mountains and knowing He will do it again. 

So why am I sharing this? 

I didn’t mean to bring up all of these personal journeys, but the truth is, I am going through a similar season. We are not there, quite yet. But my husband graduates in 2020, in December. We still have not had a co-op or a company that he can work for. But God will provide as He always has. I must await His hand. 

Yet again, I have some moments of the dread and the worry. The fear of how numbing new situations can be, and how fear can attack when we are drained. However, I am also encouraged I have a little over a year to prepare daily in prayer.

This isn’t against wives who work outside of the home, far from it. I’ve had people become angry and defensive about why they work. I’m not casting stones, just sharing where I am and what I experienced. 

Answered prayers are powerful. They are stepping stones we need to lean back on when the path ahead is unclear because we know THEY ARE STEADY. They are all glorious actions of God’s hand at work. Trust what He has done and trust what He will do.

Having some worry, fear, dread, etc, it is normal because of our flesh. But what God is teaching me is that His peace overwhelms it and can take it away. 

God is stronger.

It’s as simple as that. 

Comment Below:

Have you had people question you for obeying God?

Monthly Scripture – (NIV) Colossians 1:11, “being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.”

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